I’m not your Super Woman


Everybody has a plan until they get punched in the face. —Mike Tyson

 

Vanished from Nowhere

Sometimes when things Fall Apart people need to separate or be by themselves for a time. Sadly too many judge why a person stopped writing or whatever they were doing before. Since we never really know what’s going on in another persons life we need to support them in their decision.  Burnout. Re-calibrate. Who knows how long the sabbatical need be?

Broken or Breaking Free??!!

Time to eliminate the unwanted commentary on Lives. People are too negative and just assume that they know what is right for somebody else without considering their situation. They settle into the Ass part of ASSume very well.

Steer into the Skid!!!

Isn’t the Truth so Extraordinarily Beautiful?? And I wear it so well!!

Don’t you see me bejeweled and beGemed. With Tiara, necklaces, rings, earrings and bracelets all jangling announcing my Royal Entrance??

Snapped but No Chat

Struggle is real. 

Electric Shock Please??! Spin like a Rotisserie Chicken!!??

Mental and emotional pain is like being inflicted with mold or virus with every extending tentacles. It gets all tangled up within your DNA, your mind, your soul, your thoughts and it cannot be dispelled no matter what you do. It may go away for a while but like a reoccurring nightmare it returns usually with a vengeance. It becomes your destiny. Like that stalker that the police cannot apprehend.

Write Pain. Write Agony. Write Loss. As extensions of Oneself.  My Consorts always waiting on me hand and foot. Swear like a Sail-lore in a Discount Junk store searching for merchandise buried under eons of Mummy dust.

Let’s stop trying to make everyone into Super Heroes. God is well able to speak to me or anyone else regarding the next steps in their lives.

So much judgement in the world and little or No understanding.  Why are people such hypocrites? Let’s just shoot out the street lamps with bb guns and pour libation on dancing corpses loitering in the avenues.

Beware the Ides of March for it’s next victim may be you!!  Your Brutus is just around the corner waiting. Waiting for your next steps. Don’t think that you can escape because you won’t. Life can take you in directions that you had no plans for.

One may fall asleep under the shade tree outbursts of vipers and snakes slithering through bushes and under the vegetation. Ribald. Psychological bullshit.

Let the talking donkey bring the professors salvation. Asses on two legs arrayed in bright robes. Dazzled by brilliance. Suckled on lies.

Fluidity of UnGuarded Moments

Keep in mind the Mole People. The homeless who live within the NYC subway system. They once were babies. They once had what we choose to call normal lives but now they must live underground hidden from the denizens of the day. Emerging only when necessity beckons. Not so much difference between you or the sewer people. The Rat Tribe is here to stay. Like a piece of unclaimed luggage going around in circles on the carousel.

Live your truth but don’t be critical of others truths for their are many truths within this multi-dimensional existence.

Alice Faye Tribute- “You’ll Never Know”

 

 

In the End Augusta, Frida and Georgia Won.

Comments are Closed for this Episode!!

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Emotional Healing ~~ Only a PipeDream


 

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/heal/#like-253021

Your body can heal from bruises, bumps, cuts and breaks but your mind can never heal from emotional, physical or psychological abuse.

I am a rape survivor. I was raped when I was 19 but the abuse did not stop there. Throughout most of my adult life I have been the object of sexual harassment, domestic violence, bullying, workplace violence etc…  For a long time I tried to cover up my wounds by going to church, reading my Bible, prayer, exercise, having productive hobbies such as photography, practicing Buddhist meditation, getting out into Nature, affirmations, playing Gospel, Inspirational and uplifting music, read books that are supposed to show you how you can get deliver from your thoughts, listening to progressive positive videos and podcasts, and so on. You name it I’ve tried it or am still using these strategies.

During the last 40 odd years I’ve been hospitalized repeatedly for Depression. I’ve been on all types of anti-depressants and psychosis drugs/pills to no avail. I spent two weeks on the psych ward as a prisoner at Kings County Hospital in Brooklyn, NY. One of the worst hospitals in New York.  I was forced to take medication that caused panic attacks, breaks with reality, hallucinations and everything else these drugs are supposed to fix. I saw things there that scared the hell out of me and frightened me so badly that I promised myself I would never return to the hell hole again.  Just thinking about that place causes nightmares.

Believe me when I say that the cure is worse than the disease.

After being released from Dante’s Inferno I began to realize that I will never escape the effects of the trauma. I will always have flashbacks, nightmares, triggers, night terrors and fears that nobody except those who’ve gone through my experience can understand. I know I will never have a loving, caring relationship with a man because too much water has passed under the bridge and I rarely trust men. My history and my experiences are my reality no matter how many times I read or watch that book/movie called The Secret.

I still do all the things I stated in the early paragraph but now as I approach my sixth decade on this earth I realize that I cannot run away from me. I was looking for a fix or a cure that does not exist. I must accept my failures, flaws, and shortcomings because no matter what I do inside my mind I will remain the same.

However all is not lost as I know when I pass from Labor to Reward I will receive my healing in Heaven and my suffering will come to an end.  Finally I will find peace.

One thing that I will do when I see Jesus is ask him why I had to go through all this pain and what I did to cause it.  Was there something wrong with me. That is something for which I really want an answer.

So that is my response to today’s word prompt despite the fact that I know folks won’t like my words and will say that my feelings and emotions are not true or valid but deep inside I know that my truth is my reality no matter how much I try to change it. You can’t run from yourself.

 

Irksome Health Care Costs


 

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/irksome/

Irksome Health Care Concerns and Costs

Good visit to the gastro doctor today. Basically he wants me on I guess what is now called a Paleo diet. The very thing that most people think is good for you like veggies and fruits causes me extreme gastic distress. Guess I will never become a vegetarian. Also I must stay away from wheat and wheat based products.  And worst of All No Chocolate!! Arrgghh!!

My doctor wants me to do both an endoscopy and a colonoscopy Thursday, November 17th. I told him that it would be impossible for me to take time off.  The doctor even wrote a note which I will give to H.R. and Dispatch/Mgrs tomorrow insisting that I must have these two procedures so let’s see what happens. Getting days off especially for medical procedures is like being in a fight where your opponent has a gun and you only have a small twig with which to defend yourself. Plus I’m still trying to balance attempting to take care of my medical condition with spending time with Stephen. Gosh it seems I’ll never win. Sigh……

Oh yes my ghetto hoodrat Walgreens on Nostrand and Fulton does not have the special solution I need to drink for the test next week. Go figure!!

Sometimes when I think about all the money I spend on doctors, exams, tests, procedures, various types of shots and injections plus any other kind of medical issues I’m beginning to think that I’m making all my doctors richer than they are now!!

That’s the one thing I dislike about getting older. The older I get the more health issues I have. When I was in my teens, 20s, 30s and early 40s everything was fine. Once I turned 50 it was like a time bomb in my body was set off the disease switch turned on and everything that could go wrong went wrong. Physical chaos. And just think I never smoked, rarely drank and exercised on a regular basis!! Getting older is not for sissies! Ugh!!

It took the Lady gastro nurse two needles sticks and she was still unable to draw blood. Then the man nurse came and he got blood on the 3rd try. They must have taken at least 5 or 6 vials of my blood. Tired. Exhausted. I feel like a Vampire has drained my entire Life essence!

Got up with $80 and now down to Zero bucks. I just got a phone message from the Brooklyn Veterans Hospital for my 1:30 pm doctors appointment which obviously I will not be able to make today. Ran out of funds and none of the subways near me go straight there. I will have to move my VA appt to another day when I have both time and money.

Health care is expensive and time consuming. Yuck!!

Friday I go for my Vitamin Infusion injections which are for me an out of pocket expense Not covered by Health Insurance. Sadly in this country the good old US of A. Preventative Medicine and/or many Holistic technologies are not covered by insurance. Hmmmm…. Guess Big Pharma would have a fit if more Americans actually went to the Gym, Discounts to and for Health Food Stores, Health Spas, herbal, Natural or Holistic!!   I smell a Conspiracy!!

IRKSOME TO THE Nth DEGREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Broke-Ass Broad

Ms. DeBorah goes to the Financial Services Doctor. Finance Doctor asks for DeBorah’s wallet and bank statements. After some moments of silence while examining the wallets contents and the numbers on her bank statements Dr. Finance thoughtfully and deliberately announces her diagnosis.

Ms. DeBorah I’m very sorry to tell you this but due to your repeated doctor visits and prescriptions You Now have an Advanced Case of Broke-Itis. Your only hope is either more overtime, complete & total healing or instant Retirement.

This is a photo of me at age 42 right before graduating Cum Laude from Marymount Manhattan College. I would say at age 42 I reached my Peak Performance in terms of fitness. Perfect skin, shape, Hair (my Locs went down my back to my butt) stamina and endurance. I was in Excellent Great Shape. Wish I could return to that age and that physical condition.

deborah_dad_family-5
2002 MMC Grad

 

Song for the Old Me.

Survivor – Eye of the Tiger (Rocky and Apollo Training)

Vitamin Infusion


 

Had my first B12 Booster shot Saturday morning. The offices are nice and clean. The gentleman who is a nurse who gave me my shot was professional and polite. He is also very good looking and easy on the eyes!!  LOL!! Yes young folks I still look at men even at my age!  LOL!!

I did feel energized afterwards. Also treated myself to a manicure and a pedicure. The way I figure we are not on this earth just to work and pay bills. I work loads of overtime and I might as well spend some of that money on me. Naturally I always make sure that my rent is paid. One must have a place to live and New York winters are brutal.

I was able to go on an extended Soulful Strut (that’s what I call my photography walks) along 8th Avenue in Manhattan. The pictures will be posted both here and on my photography blog Roaming Urban Gypsy.  https://roamingurbangypsy.com/

Once I pay my landlord, purchased my Metro Card (bus & subway), utility and phone bills I try to buy myself a small treat.  For those of you wondering I pay cash. No credit cards for me. Also Yes I am saving for retirement. That comes out of my paycheck automatically and goes into a Fidelity Savings plan that I cannot touch until I’m 59 or probably 60. As a Union employee I also get a pension. When I turn 62 God Willing I will apply for and collect Social security.

Obviously due to my girlfriends death emotionally I’m still sad, distressed and upset  but her passing has motivated me to take better care of myself physically. There is not much I can do about my feelings. Nobody feels happy or joyful when a close friend dies. However in light of all that has happened my faith and reliance on God deepens.

Of course one can take all the vitamins in the world, eat the right foods, exercise all day long and then get hit by a truck or bus but all things being equal and having no control over accidents I hope to outlive my friend, co-workers, my parents and many of my relatives who have died in their 50s and 60s. Since I turned 50 in 2009 I’ve seen, heard and been to more wakes and funerals than I care to admit. I guess the key is to make it past 65. My goal is to live to be 70 an age that neither one of my parents achieved. At least one can apply for social security at 62 and have a few years to enjoy oneself before traveling to the great beyond.

I never smoked. Rarely drink alcohol. Eat very little red meat and no dairy. I do some moderate exercise usually walking during the week.  I’m open to new health technologies. Reviv | IV Therapy infusion is one that I shall participate in on a regular consistent basis as long as I’m able. Everybody wants to live a long life but living a long life without good health is worthless. Who wants to be a vegetable, in a nursing home or become a burden to one’s family members if you’re fortunate to have living relatives who even desire to care for you.

Since I never married nor had children the onus is on me. Also my brother Stephen is another great inspiration and motivation for me to be my Personal Best. Stephen is the World’s Greatest Autism Guy and in excellent physical condition. Only the two of us now so Stephen relies on me. Once I retire in approximately two years I want Stephen and I to be able to do fun activities and enjoy our Golden Years together.

 

http://revivme.com/

 

A few photos from my Soulful Strut. If you cannot view them please click on the below link.    https://goo.gl/photos/aCe7hX9FZ1chqj9U6

 

 

Grover Washington Jr – Soulful Strut

Vitamins for Health ~~ Vitamin Infusion


2017 Vitamins for Health Journey Update!!!!

Just received my bottle of Mineral Rich made by the company Maximum Living!!  Mineral Rich is marketed as a Vitamin Supplement/Energy Drink. I found out about Mineral Rich from the below Naturalista YouTuber.  Hopefully my hair will also grow faster and longer which would be a great addition to also getting more energy.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Taking more control of my physical health. In order to get better and be better I’ve got to do better. Complaining does not help. Whining is useless. Action is needed. Thus I’m going on a Vitamin regime. I think that some of my tiredness and exhaustion may come from not getting enough vitamins.  I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired!!  Tired of cancelling fun times, parties and events with friends because of being exhausted!!  I’m only in my 50s and I don’t want to feel like I’m in my 70s or 80s!!

I’m been shoring up my finances with as much overtime as humanly possible and I’m going to treat myself to a type of Vitamin Spa. One of the many great things about New York City is that everything is available to keep you healthy and strong. All types of options. Some are not covered by insurance. Some are a bit expensive but with careful saving one can make use of the many holistic options New York City offers.

I will consult my medical doctor in terms of Vitamin B injections and what other holistic means I can employ to be healthier. Props to all my Doctors at Roosevelt Hospital!
I think an extra dose of B Vitamins, my Ensure drinks, and Moringa Bitters I expect to see some changes by the end of October start of November.  Moringa Bitters are sold in many Caribbean and African owned stores in New York. Yes it does taste bitter but so did the Cod Liver Oil my Dad used to make us take when we were kids!!  LOL!!
Investing in myself for a Better Me!!

Love Hypocrites


Veiled Poetry Goddess
Veiled Poetry Goddess

 

Because of Idiotic Foolish Sexist Judgment calls No More Comments will Be Allowed on This Post!!  For those of you who don’t like my Opinions Please Feel Free to UnFollow, UnFriend and UnSubscribe. Thank you!

I Love You can be the most meaningful words in the English language or the most empty depending on who is speaking and their motivation. People toss around the word Love and Friend just as the emoticons on Facebook, Email or other types of social media. When you say I Love You to somebody that means you’re willing to stick your neck out for them, be there for them no matter what the circumstances and Love as well as Friendship entails some risk and/or inconvenience. Love is being in a bloody nasty E.R. of a hospital because the one you Love is badly injured or is facing a Life threatening illness. Love is going with someone to their numerous medical appointments or at least making sure they have the means/access to transportation to get to the doctor’s office or hospital. Love is opening your home when said Loved One is about to be evicted, Love is still accepting and valuing your “Friend” | Loved One once they incur a disability that changes their Lives drastically.
Love is making sure that person has food to eat and warm clothing to wear in the scarcity and brutality of winter. Love is unchanging and stable as your friends from childhood and young adulthood change bodily and are no longer able to do the things they once did. Love does not include passing judgment on that person or rejecting them when the chips are down.  Love is truly accepting folks of different sexual orientations.

Before you say you Love someone whether it is your Lover, Spouse, Friend or Family Member read 1 Corinthians 13 and really, truly think about what it is saying. Love is not your church or your religion. It goes beyond that because most folks are just Pew Warmers. They attend church out of duty and obligation or fancy church as a type of social club. Until then Please Stop Telling Me that you Love me because obviously you have No Idea of the True Meaning of the Word. I have no use for “Jesus in a Box” Christians who pull him out like a talisman that will give authority to whatever stupidity is about to come out of their mouths or through their pens/computers. Keep your type of Love for those who fit your narrow criteria.

Also Read Luke 10:25-37

The Parable of the Good Samaritan

Jesus spoke this parable because he knew his audience was composed of religious hypocrites who picked and chose who was worthy of their “Love.” Just Like today. I guess things have not changed all that much.

Sly & The Family Stone – Everyday People

Stephen Vincent Palmer ~ Testimony & Praise Report


STEPHEN PALMER ~ Praise Report

As some of you may know my brother Stephen Palmer is developmentally disabled but he does not let that stop him from enjoying life. Autism? What autism? He works and has a full social calendar. I should be so lucky!! LOL!

Stephen received an excellent report from his teachers and instructors at AABR. Stephen has 20/20 vision. No diabetes. His high blood pressure and cholesterol are under control. At age 52 he is in perfect health. Stephen always enjoys expressing himself through art. He likes to draw so I will get him some art supplies.

He uses his stipend to romance 2 ladies, Maxine and Robin. Robin is his dance partner at QCP Friday night social. They probably spend lots of time dancing to Michael Jackson who is Stephen’s favorite singer/entertainer. Stephen also likes to but Cologne and sunglasses. He’s living la vida loca!

Michael Jackson ~ Beat It

http://youtu.be/6B2wtC91_0U

Even with some cognitive difficulties Stephen is able to make his needs known, perform janitorial work at various locations, enjoys a fitness program that includes walking the treadmill, lifting weights, swimming and learning to play soccer.

To make himself understood he uses his own form of sign language. Obviously it works for him and Maxine and Robin are happy to enjoy Stephen’s company. LOL!! My brother the Ladies Man!!

To all the doctors who back in 1963 told our parents Edward & Mable Palmer that Stephen at only age two was hopeless and would not be able to learn or improve, to just put him away in an institution, God is laughing at you now!! Praise God that my parents did not listen to the doctors negative reports but took Stephen home and raised him in a normal, happy, loving home environment. Stephen has surpassed all expectations and I’m sure our parents are smiling down from Heaven at his amazing progress.  To all parents and siblings of special needs children ~ BELIEVE!  Believe in God, yourself and most of all your child’s ability to overcome any disability and go beyond any medical diagnosis!!

Stephen holding M&Ms
Stephen with his favorite candy M&Ms at AABR.