“We Can Change Lives One Donation At A Time”


Catherine is a Woman who is changing lives for the better. Her blogs help the general public have a better understanding of mental illness. No More Stigma!!

~Recovery Starts Here~ A Bet Free, Sober, & Clean Blog~ Sharing Hope in Recovery One Day at a Time~

Hello Recovery Friends and Welcome New Visitors;
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It’s almost a New Year! So I hope you will join me in continuing to share “Hope” with others who suffer from mental illness & disorders, and those in recovery from addiction!

I’m sharing my new “New Donation Website” to ask for your financial support & donations.As a Writer who suffers from many “Mental and Emotional Disorders,” and the many medications I take, prevent me from being able to hold steady employment due to the side affects of the medications and my symptoms. I also have “Adult Attention deficit disorder and OCD. After having a professional career in “Banking” for 20+ years, and then be told by an employer your to slow, you don’t pay attention or take direction enough, and not good enough,  only to be let go from a job, is very hard and difficult to take. Lets not let this happen to someone else. I ALSO SUPPORT & NETWORK WITH NAMI….
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It's Time to take action
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poem- brush off


This poem says it all for all these Scrubs, Facebook MacDaddies and goes who want FWB hookups. No Scrubs ~ http://youtu.be/pKV8uSX2nEQ

Shawn L. Bird

Thanks for the compliment,

but I’m not interested.

.

You seem like a nice guy,

and some girl will be lucky

to have you,

but I’m not interested.

.

Look,

it’s like this,

to be honest,

I’m kind of repelled by you,

your breath is rank,

you have an unpleasant body odor

that is not masked by that cologne,

(which, by the way, I think

I’m allergic to)

your hair hasn’t been washed

in way too long

and the pustules erupting on your

forehead and your emaciated form,

do nothing to attract me.

The state of your clothing

suggests a negative cash flow.

So you see, I’m not interested.

I don’t need a Chippendale

or a millionaire,

but a little effort on your part

would help your cause.

.

I’m not a bitch, buddy,

I’m just not interested.

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Plethora of Poems


Plethora of Poems

The Beauty of Zipporah

Little girl playing with make-up brushes and powders.

Imagining her grown-up days.

She is me. I was she playing with my Mommy’s Avon.

Hermes in the Hood ~ Our Ghetto Mercury

Young man perched atop his walker waiting at bus stop. Wings on his sneakers. Secretly envisaging flight in his heart. Yearning to dance gracefully on twisted limbs.

Hermes Shoes
Hermes Shoes

From Dusk to Dawn

I am that Shadowy writer moving effortlessly through time and space.

The Fly escaped from the ointment now on the wall unnoticed but listening, observing yet not observed.

Carefully chronicling lives off the bottom edge of the social pyramid. Outcasts, commuters, proles and misfits captured in words and pictures.

In the midst yet far from the realm of the vexing insanity and loitering bubbling mass hordes.

The day is beautiful but the nocturnal dominions beckon. Enthralling, enchanting and invigorating twilight wanderings.

Stardust mixed with fleshy moving throngs. Magical mystical allures of waning daylight hours when the masque is removed and truth revealed.

Reflections from the Woman with the Skinny Legs


Reflections from the Woman with the Skinny Legs

One Thin Woman’s Hopeful Journey towards Cultural Acceptance

Skinny Legs And All – Joe Tex (Dial)1967

As a Black Woman who has been called skinny, bony, stick lady, po’ and various other negative names for years. I can understand wanting to fit in. I’ve actually had women especially Black women come up to me and tell me they hate me or call me some nasty names I won’t repeat. I remember gaining a lot of weight when I was in my 40s due to taking anti-depressants. Believe it or not I received tons of compliments from my African American co-workers.

Prior to my forties, when I was a young woman working in an office, co-workers would leave all types of cookies, cakes, snacks, even cans of Ensure telling me in a not so subtle way that I needed these foods to “fatten up” and become an accepted member of the tribe.  If my weight suddenly ballooned to 195 lbs, something that is genetically impossible for me, but if those numbers did rise would my Black Woman Membership card arrive in the mail?

Right before I started work at my present job I stopped taking the anti-depressants. Of course I lost the weight. Sadness. Bullying from some female co-workers. One brother told me I had a body like a white woman. Someone else said I looked Asian. I love my Caucasian and Asian Sisters but like anyone else I want to be accepted by my own community. I want to fit in.  Devastated. I cried myself to sleep many nights. I even tried to explain to my female co-workers that my thinness was due to genetics, which is true. My mother Mable Palmer never weighed more than 95 lbs in her life even after having kids.

BTW my mother had diabetes as does most of my family on my mother side. Many of my cousins my around my age, (I’m 54) have died from the disease. I had my own brush with death November 7, 2008 when I was rushed to the hospital from my job for extreme high blood pressure. To show you how brainwashed I was as I lay on the hospital gurney in the emergency hooked to a machine monitoring my pressure, my life passing before my eyes, I looked down at my thighs and felt shame because I was so thin!

Like most women I look like my mother. I carry her DNA.  Also since I have high blood pressure I can no longer eat certain foods so that prevents me from gaining additional weight. I weigh about 117 or 120 depending. Am I a fat basher? No because I know from firsthand experience just how sensitive weight issues and the ensuing insults or assumptions can be. I want to know how my weight got to be a determination of how Black I am or how womanly I am.

Does everything depend on the size of a woman’s breasts or butt?  Have I been banished to a leper colony of neo-Blackness? Is a woman not more than her body? When do we stop promoting the superficial and concentrate on substance.  Sometimes I think my body type has made me an outcast. Does the fact that I’m slim make mean my membership in the African race has been revoked?

Eye of the Beholder

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8t5qwyWl0xw&feature=colike

I’m not handing in my Black card just because my facial features and body structure are considered all wrong. Oh by the way does my dark skin and nappy hair get me reinstated to the Land of Negritude? Define Blackness! Does it not run deeper than the outside package?

Finally I confided in one of the African American supervisors what I was going through. He reassured me I looked fine and said I looked good. He explained to me that some of the females at our workplace were jealous.

Then after 50 I started gaining a little weight. Thank you Menopause for helping me enter the realm of semi-Rubenesque. I was received back into the fold, somewhat but I still get those funny looks and comments not only at work but even within my own ‘hood.’

Books with titles like “Skinny Women are Evil” do not help the situation. I hate that our patriarchal society has pitted one group of women against others even within our own race. So if I was stacked, voluptuous, a “brick house” would I then hear the Gooble Gobble song.

One of Us – We Accept Her

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9C4uTEEOJlM&feature=colike

Squats
Squats

Okay you know that I was intrigued by this picture. Anything to add curves to my stick frame. I looked up Squat videos on YouTube and found one that “Looked easy.” Not!! As I was doing the squats I could hear my knees Snap, Crackle & Pop more than a bowl of Rice Krispies. Maybe I should forget the Donkey Booty and just stay a “Black Twiggy!”

This is a Squat video by a Colombian Sister. Really now it would just be much easier to be reincarnated into her body!! LOL!! OMG!! Isn’t there an easier way to snag a husband? If I click my heels together 3 times will my stomach fat move downward towards my butt or upward to my boobs?! Dang my knees are creaky and clicking more than Savion Glover tap dancing!

Still trying to return to the Summer of 42. Not 1942 because I wasn’t yet born but age 42 when I had a nice hourglass figure. So I’ve been planking since Dec. 1st and now I will add Squats to my program. Let’s see if all this exercise results in romance when I turn 55 in Feb.

http://youtu.be/xK9jzjsTJts

I considered using one of my cats as weights but they would not cooperate and thought the better of that idea. Leave sleeping kitties lying on the bed. My cats already think I’m crazy for Planking. Now every morning Sylvester and Weezer take up a position in the Living Room watching me make a fool of myself and sometimes rubbing their little furry faces against mine.

The Journey Towards Self-Acceptance Continues

Stephen Vincent Palmer ~ The Man. The Myth and The Legend!!


Stephen Vincent Palmer ~ QCP Christmas Party 2013
Stephen Vincent Palmer ~ QCP Christmas Party 2013

TESTIMONY & PRAISE REPORT TIME!! Just learning of Stephen’s photography talent testifies to the Glory and Greatness of God! Back in 1963 when my parents took Stephen to various doctors trying to find out my their son age 2 did not speak, these idiot stupid doctors told my parents that Stephen, then a two year old child would never amount to anything, could not be trained, could not learn and that they should give up and place him in an institution, which in those days would have been Willowbrook.  I Thank God every day for my parents faith and persistence that their child could and would learn.

Those of us over 45 know and remember the horrors Geraldo Rivera discovered at that terrible place. Thank you Lord that my parents did not listen to the dumb doctors but took their son, my brother home to raise him as normal as possible. Today thanks to my parents, the caring staff people at QCP & AABR, my brother Stephen Vincent Palmer is a living testimony in what God can do in and with the lives of developmentally disabled/mentally challenged persons if they get the right help, support & encouragement. Also remember that a few months ago Gov. Andrew Cuomo wanted to cut the budget for developmentally disabled citizens of New York once again condemning them to the warehousing of 1960s & 1970s. Wake Up People!! Without kindness, compassion and professionalism of Ms. Lopez at QCP Stephen might have never discovered and cultivated this hidden gift for photography. Please don’t allow our government to short change our disabled American citizens!!  A person is not a label or a disability.  They are more than what or who society says there are. Stephen is living proof of that!  I’m also very Thankful and give much gratitude to AABR Stephen’s training center for nearly 30 years which has equipped him with job skills that give him a place in the workplace and a sense of personal pride and accomplishment!

Stephen and I in December 1961.
Stephen and I in December 1961.

While at the QCP (164th Street in Queens) Holiday party I discovered that my brother Stephen is a budding photographer. Stephen has taken some outstanding photos. Ms. Mynra Lopez, the Artistic director for QCP is seeking gallery space to showcase the excellent photography skills of developmentally disabled adults at QCP. We’re looking for a Spring 2016 debut. Oh yes an interesting addendum to all this is that our Dad Edward G. Palmer was avid photographer so I suppose Stephen and I both possess the photography genes. Please email, private message or call me so we can make this happen for adults with autism and cerebral palsy. Thanks!

Why are People in Love so Far Apart?


Why are people in Love so far apart?

Bonnie Raitt – I Can’t Make You Love Me

http://youtu.be/7_SIfLzccbc

Physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

Bra
Bra

Separated not just by physically distance but two souls dancing around the issue called Love divided by a silk screen of doubt, fear, and past broken heart discouragements called failure. Shattered confidences strewn across the floor of our souls forever keeping us apart though the Universe deems us Life Partners.

Who really holds the satin cord? Who weaves the strains together and pulls them apart? Wherein lays the underside of the tapestry a tangle of warp and weft?

Trust torn asunder. Impossible to mend. Eventually the day will be at end and what could have been will never be. The Days Remains are now ashes and dust scattered by Sirocco winds.

 

Maelstrom Devolution ~ Realm of the Abortinates


Maelstrom Devolution – Realm of the Abortinates

The sun was soft and the boat rocked gently. It wasn’t so bad running out of fuel, until, the appearance of two fins circling our now powerless boat. Sharks. But sharks unlike ones I’d ever seen before in books, films, or aquariums. These looked like amalgamous leftovers from some prehistoric age. Fins coupled with scales and hideous appendages jutting out from every angle and portal of their bodies. Sea creatures sent from Hades to devour us. Every so often one would rear its ugly head and bear its ferocious teeth. Snap.. Snap… The jaws of death.

Fortunately or at least we thought so at the time, appeared the mast of another sailing vessel approaching us. We shouted and waved cloths to get their attention. It got closer and closer. One of their crew fired into the water scaring away the hungry sea monsters. At this point we were so frightened that we quickly responded to their offer of rescue and boarded their vessel without further hesitation.

One of the hideous primitives played out a line behind him quickly and efficiently securing our now forlorn vessel to theirs.

My fiancé and I were hungrily welcome aboard the rather ragtag vessel by a scurvy crew of men shouting orders at each other in a foreign tongue that we could not comprehend.

Still another of the monstrosities that I hesitate to call a crew member but must for lack of a better word collected what few personalities we had brought with us on what was supposed to be a romantic sail. There went our small ham radio, the stereopticon, and my black bag containing medical instruments that I used in my studies of phrenology, a small notebook containing my writings. Our ship of salvation quickly turned into a “Flying Dutchman”.

During our sojourn upon the island I was to use this notebook to record the lives and cultures of the barbarous captors. Male and female were employed upon this accursed ship but save for the pendulous breasts of the females the mutants were virtually indistinguishable one from another.

We tried to communicate with them. Trying to explain that we were Her Majesty’s citizens, subjects of the Empire but no sooner than we had begun our implorments than we were thrown into the filthy hold. An area teeming with vermin. Several other curious animals in not so sturdy cages were housed with us in this den of darkness. Every so often what we were to later find to be an equally retched enslaved servant came down to feed us and give us fresh water for drinking and bathing. Excretion and elimination was in another bucket emptied twice daily. They kept us clean and fed enough for survival but imprisoned without the benefit of sunlight or fresh air save once a week to be inspected by the hedonistic captain. Once he was satisfied that we would survive the voyage we were again rudely returned to our cruel holding place. Then after a time we were allow daily excursions onto the  deck to promenade before the crew members as we came to be considered oddities, curiosities worthy of entertainment. We who were free servants in the royal court now stood enslaved by malformed opiate dwellers.

While upon one of our daily constitutionals we gained the intelligence of what became of any manimal who died onboard. The flesh of any creature or crew member who died was not wasted but that animal was boiled, skinned and deboned becoming part of a stew partaken by all the others. Often the flesh was not cooked at all and many times we saw one disfigured boar like crew member disgorge the contents of his meal from his stomach. The regurgitation was then collected by a fellow crew member to be reused for another type of stew the contents of which looked something like the vomit regurgitations of birds and cows. Pestilence should have taken hold and reigned upon necrotic menagerie however the bodies of these mutants of science and nature proved very efficient in combating disease. Any deaths usually resulted from accidents or murders committed by unhinged temperaments.

The Beloved and I ate only the porridge, roots from the ground and limited vegetation served us daily. We abstained from the flesh.

During one of our brief stays on deck my love and I could see a small island off in the distance. Not having an expert knowledge of geography, mapping or topography we were at a total loss to determine our destination but as time passed we slowly became accustomed and acclimated to the grunts, shrieks, groans and hurls of the crews unintelligible language to hear one word repeatedly. Moreau. Yes we were headed to the former island and laboratory of the infamous Dr. Moreau……………..

Suddenly we realized that we had been captured by a race of pseudo humans. Abortions birthed before the full levels of development could be completed. The Abortinates left behind when Dr. Moreau was killed. These creatures managed to not only survive but to thrive and procreate. Having a semblance of a human mind their technology advanced to the point of allowing them to build boats and seize luckless travelers who happened into their pathway.

Over a period of time my beloved and I began to acclimate ourselves to the island and gradually deciphered the fractured tongue of these savages who held us captive. We the purveyors of culture entombed into a society of devils and demons.

Desecration of the House of Order

Unlike the refined lovemaking of my Beloved One and I, yes they did allow us conjugal time and space, these creatures coupled like the savage beasts they were the males entering the females from behind. One could hear their frantic animal sounds of lust, which to me were like the ones of defecation piercing the night air on an almost hourly basis. These deformities of nature had a predilection for giving over to the baser instincts anytime, anywhere stopping the task at hand to copulate demonically.

As we learned to speak their language we gained their confidence and one day we were whisked away to a city translated from their tongue called Maelstrom. It resembled a series of root systems into which the souls of men were sucked up and their bodies transported via journeys to destinations at various points of the underground. Each root was a bustling Metropolis unto itself. These misconceptions of the unnatural actually possessed the ability to construct a thriving city meeting the needs of the greater populace.

Revelation

It was amazing to the Beloved and I how this race of corrupted beings could achieve such levels of higher technology and skill possessing such low level deviant minds and rotted souls.

Then the answer came when one night shortly after we had been taken into their confidence we were allowed to view one of the many satanic evil ritual worship services located in what was once Dr. Moreau’s living quarters. What was once the house of order had become a foul smelling shanty subject to the febrile predilections of a race of deviants.

One night as we observed one of their phantasmagorical rituals we saw one of the secrets of their atypical advancements. During their satanic services which were held at the end of every week at approximately the midnight hour we saw them imbibe a potion an elixir of sorts made from a recipe left behind at Dr. Moreau’s abandoned laboratory located on the surface of the island.

As they made their way over to what once was or rather formerly the home and bedchambers of the Creator-god Moreau. At the start of the service the Holy Book was raised and presented to Anton the head demon that not only kissed the book but devoured a portion of it. He was joined by a profane Votary who read incantations from their vile scriptures dedicated to the black arts. Together they invoked the spirits of the underworld. “Spirits of the Underworld. All that is unholy and unworthy come forth!” As they gave utterance to the sacred passages, Anton, leader of the services smote the book and Kali the many armed one came forth.

Kali known as the “black one” consort of Shiva, wore a thin garment adorned with considerable jewelry: gold earrings, a three nose rings and three necklaces for the unholy Trinity. Her headdress had tassels that framed her forehead. She tore one of the malformed offspring from one of the beasts, decapitating it with her fangs all whilst ripping the still beating heart from its tiny breast to be partially devoured the rest placed upon the altar as a sacrifice.

Inflamed and intoxicated by perversity the beasts renewed their orgy with a renewed fervor and vigor. Pounding drums beat out a rhythm to match the melee. Without warning a full moon appeared in heretofore almost completely blackened night sky and a Goddess arose from the night mist like unto the Beautiful one.

“My name is Light and it is spelled with symbols from the Moon, Stars and sun.” As the Goddess raised her arms and as her raiment fell away florescent symbols ignited by the armada of light emanating from the night sky were revealed upon her muscular arms, upper shoulders, upper and lower back. Energy proceeded forth from each transcription radiating to her Janus sister. The Beautiful one came as bright sister to Kali to preside over and sanction the lewd rites.

Prior to the recitation of the Initiate the Beautiful rose up to give this agonized prayer. To my amazement my Beloved arose with her and together their spirits made supplication.

As the two sisters ululated their lip spoken voices died away and the symbols began to chant the words; sacred, secular, profane.

 



 

Return to the Realm of Maelstrom Deviation Cycles of Time

On dark inky blue moonless nights of wicked worship they would gather dried herbs they cultivated from the island’s rough soil place them into a type of incense burner and inhale the fumes, transporting worshippers into a trance. Once in the trance they would commence to dance. First in a line then in a circle arms linked together chanting to their unholy god. Finally the ritual would end in the drinking of the potion and they would retire back to their rude dwellings that they called homes.

At first they attempted to evangelize the Beloved One and I into their morbid séances but we declined and for whatever reason perhaps because they sensed our innate superiority allowed us to watch and pretty much left us to our own devices in the evening hours.

Sometimes late in the night after the Beloved and I had retired to our chambers we could hear rough guttural Gregorian Chants in the distance.

The Road to Hell

But this place which we referred to as The Island was not just the former dwelling place of an evil man who attempted to usurp God and nearly succeed in destroying the authentic world but it was a step into another dimension. A place that did not exist on any map made by man. Once again another realization came upon the Beloved and I. We had entered into one of the realms of the underworld. A Hades, a Hell, a living personal nightmare populated by the demons that lurked within our very minds and souls. Suddenly a veil was lifted and we found ourselves within the dark caverns of the sea. The sisters of Ishtar goddess of death and destruction, good and evil, love, war and lust had delivered us to her lower sister via the sea. Oceans of dead souls washed over us. Those dark, serpent-like many limbed sharks were just dark angels who identified potential souls for the kingdoms of darkness.

These whom we had lived with and come to know were really the spawn of the goddesses Ishtar and Lilith. Those creatures, once mortal men had loved the twin succubae had suddenly and for no reason offended them and were cruelly ejaculated from their sexual paradise; rejected by them constrained to live in an immortal plane feasting on captured souls for nourishment.