Live from Bodega Land, Brooklyn | Raggedy Man ~ Close Encounters of the Wrong Kind

Live from Bodega Land, Brooklyn

Raggedy Man ~ Close Encounters of the Wrong Kind

Every day before I get on the C train I buy my Daily News, Snapple and a snack. Today was no different. As I’m picking up my items for purchase some raggedy dentally challenged man is having a debate with a sister on being a gigolo. Snagglepuss was bragging on some dude who has a woman who works, pays his way, takes care of their kids and allows him to be lazy while he plays video games. The Sister said if a man wants to assume the wife role then he needs to perform wife duties; i.e., cooking, cleaning house, doing laundry, taking care of kids, etc…. not laying up playing video games. Pumpkin head didn’t like her answer still wanting to be King of the Castle without being a breadwinner. Meanwhile the Arab guys who own the bodega are laughing their heads off.

The entire conversation was so stupid and Mr. No Teefus followed me and the sister out the store trying to drag me into the conversation with “I don’t like these role changes. They ain’t no jobs out there!” I told him you need to stop being so lazy, get an education because there are jobs available. I wanted to add, “Yo’ funky ass needs to take a bath, cut or comb wiry shit you call hair and get some damn dentures and stop using sob stories trying to pick up women. Drinking and trying to con the Arab storeowners out of cigarettes, candy & soda is not an occupation. Neither is drug dealing and robbing working class people. No Negro you do not have the hook-up. You just a sorry toothless wonder looking like a decrepit Alfred E. Neuman!

Calling All Dentists! Please move to Brownsville & Bed-Stuy, Brooklyn ASAP! There is an epidemic of dentally challenged toothless men wandering the Hood in need of Dentures!

Memorial Day 2013


In December of 1863 my Great Great Grandfather, William Henry Halstead, who

lived in Tarrytown, New York, traveled to New Haven, Connecticut to join the

29th Connecticut Colored Infantry.  On his Volunteer Enlistment papers it notes

his occupation as a farmer.  He enlisted for three years and was discharged on the

24th day of October 1865.  He married and had five children.  William Henry

Halstead passed away in 1888 and was buried in Sleepy Hollow Cemetery in

Tarrytown, New York.  His wife moved to New York City with her five children. 

Her children grew up in Harlem and belonged to various organizations such as Odd

Fellows, Ladies of the Grand Army of the Republic and the Daughters of New


Special honor & glory to the Black soldiers, including my Great, great Grandfather William Henry Halstead, 29th Colored Regiment, CT,  who served in the Civil War even though at first Lincoln was reluctant to allow Blacks to enlist, to the Navajo code talkers whose messages helped win WWII, to the Black veterans of WWII & Korea who fought for Double Victory, overseas and at home; to our brave Japanese American troops who fought bravely during WWII while they families were herded into internment camps; to our Vietnam Vets who were spat upon and called names when they returned to the USA; to all Women soldiers and Veterans who often have to fight the enemy without and within (sexual abuse); to all Lesbian and Gay soldiers who until recently had to where a mask or risk being expelled from the military. Many of us served, fought, were disabled and died because we loved our country even when our country did not love us in return. I Salute you All!

Spec. 4 Palmer — U.S. Army, 1977-1981

569th PSC & 101st Airborne Division

Edward G. Palmer Korean War
Edward G. Palmer
Korean War

I’m Gonna Keep Sitting on it Scrubs

Storm — Power over the Elements

I live in Bodega-Land, Brooklyn. Exchange at the Bodega across from the Laundromat. I’m wearing an old Ecko Red short sleeve shirt and some skinny jeans. I’m waiting for my Beef Patty with cheese and coco bread. While I’m paying for my food and drink I get the following rap from Snagglepuss. “Ya keep ya body nice. Can I get your number and can I give you mine.” I’m polite and keep that smile on my face knowing I’m about to reject this fool because I don’t want any confrontation before I get to eat my food or check my clothes washing across the street.

He notices that I speak proper English and says; I see that you’re an intellectual. Hmmm I’m thinking just because I live in the Ghetto doesn’t mean I must lapse into Ghettoese or Ebonics. Crooked teeth continues, maybe you and me can get together and discuss spirituality, blah, blah, blah, bullshit. You know the way that Rasta Negro was eyeing me up and down his mind wasn’t on the things of God or any type of Spiritual talk. Leon Spinks just wanted to find a way to get some “Coochie”. I lied and told him I had a boyfriend. I just wanted to get away from his sorry ass, finish my food and get my laundry done. Mission Accomplished.

However in the words of the immortal Ruth Brown, “I’ll Just Keep Sitting on it. I ain’t giving it away.” Rochdale Village had its share of old coots prowling for “Coochie” I see Brownsville/Bed Stuy has it’s own share of horny fools with really lame game.


Talk to the Hand cause the Face ain't Listening.
Talk to the Hand cause the Face ain’t Listening.

Ladies, always remember Men are like the City Bus there’s another one coming in 20 minutes hopefully with good teeth, fresh breath, who bathes and uses deodorant.

Honey if you’re game is lame and your rap is weak don’t even think of stepping to me. No romance without finance. And no I don’t do Ugly, fat or Stupid. I may be broke but I’m never desperate. I’d work 40 hours of overtime before I hook up with your no job, no car, no talking sorry hoodrat/thug/bad boy ass. Been there. Done That. Paid the Price.

TLC -- No Scrubs
TLC — No Scrubs

Ladies you gotta let these men know what’s up. They telling you they can do acrobatics with their dick! Really! Are they fucking double jointed or contortionists? Give me a fucking break. Please! Why is their dick so much more special than any other. Is it extra long? Does it swing from side to side. WTF! Then they a fucking freak and belong in Ripleys Believe it or Not. Or maybe they should be making porno films. I’m older and wiser now. Dick don’t mesmerize me anymore. Get something in your head or you’ll never get me in bed. My body is my temple and only my true King who I choose can enter in. Don’t get it twisted. Little boy your package does not impress me.  In the meantime Losers give your Ding-A-Ling a hand job.

My Ding-A-Ling


Ladies if you’ve had the best don’t settle for less.

Get up off your broke ass, fix your face , see a dentist and fix your teeth, and get an education and a decent job. If you can’t come correct don’t come at all.

Hello Summer in the City!


Talk to the hand cause the face ain't listening.
Talk to the hand cause the face ain’t listening.