Emotional Healing ~~ Only a PipeDream


 

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/heal/#like-253021

Your body can heal from bruises, bumps, cuts and breaks but your mind can never heal from emotional, physical or psychological abuse.

I am a rape survivor. I was raped when I was 19 but the abuse did not stop there. Throughout most of my adult life I have been the object of sexual harassment, domestic violence, bullying, workplace violence etc…  For a long time I tried to cover up my wounds by going to church, reading my Bible, prayer, exercise, having productive hobbies such as photography, practicing Buddhist meditation, getting out into Nature, affirmations, playing Gospel, Inspirational and uplifting music, read books that are supposed to show you how you can get deliver from your thoughts, listening to progressive positive videos and podcasts, and so on. You name it I’ve tried it or am still using these strategies.

During the last 40 odd years I’ve been hospitalized repeatedly for Depression. I’ve been on all types of anti-depressants and psychosis drugs/pills to no avail. I spent two weeks on the psych ward as a prisoner at Kings County Hospital in Brooklyn, NY. One of the worst hospitals in New York.  I was forced to take medication that caused panic attacks, breaks with reality, hallucinations and everything else these drugs are supposed to fix. I saw things there that scared the hell out of me and frightened me so badly that I promised myself I would never return to the hell hole again.  Just thinking about that place causes nightmares.

Believe me when I say that the cure is worse than the disease.

After being released from Dante’s Inferno I began to realize that I will never escape the effects of the trauma. I will always have flashbacks, nightmares, triggers, night terrors and fears that nobody except those who’ve gone through my experience can understand. I know I will never have a loving, caring relationship with a man because too much water has passed under the bridge and I rarely trust men. My history and my experiences are my reality no matter how many times I read or watch that book/movie called The Secret.

I still do all the things I stated in the early paragraph but now as I approach my sixth decade on this earth I realize that I cannot run away from me. I was looking for a fix or a cure that does not exist. I must accept my failures, flaws, and shortcomings because no matter what I do inside my mind I will remain the same.

However all is not lost as I know when I pass from Labor to Reward I will receive my healing in Heaven and my suffering will come to an end.  Finally I will find peace.

One thing that I will do when I see Jesus is ask him why I had to go through all this pain and what I did to cause it.  Was there something wrong with me. That is something for which I really want an answer.

So that is my response to today’s word prompt despite the fact that I know folks won’t like my words and will say that my feelings and emotions are not true or valid but deep inside I know that my truth is my reality no matter how much I try to change it. You can’t run from yourself.

 

Share Your World ~~ 2015 WEEK #31


Share Your World – 2015 Week #31

SHARE YOUR WORLD – 2015 WEEK #31

Fuji Film Camera
Fuji Film Camera

Would you rather take pictures or be in pictures?

I would rather take pictures than be in them. As I get older I have begun to lose fascination with my own image that I see in the Selfie obsessed Millennials.  When I was a teenager back in the 70s my girlfriend and I would spend hours taking funny face photos in the Woolworth’s photo booths. If I remember correctly one could get four pictures for a quarter. Or was it a dollar? Now I avoid mirrors and cameras unless I’m at a special event of some sort.

Where do you like to vacation?

I prefer the seaside, the beach anywhere near the ocean if I get the chance. However I usually wind up taking Staycations within New York City but maybe in my next scheduled September and October vacations I can get out to Coney Island or Jones Beach.

If you had to describe your day as a traffic sign, what would it be?

Detour
Detour

List at least five favorite first names.

DeBorah

Stephen

Edward

Mable

Helen

Thelma

Gladys

Hattie

Bonus question:  What are you grateful for from last week, and what are you looking forward to in the week coming up?

I’m grateful that I was able to attend two farewell functions for two young co-workers who are moving onto bigger and better things. Looking forward this week to continuing with my health diet and improving my over all well-being.