Emotional Healing ~~ Only a PipeDream

On April 8, 2017 By dancingpalmtreesIn Buddha, Buddhism, Buddhist, Camera, Christian, Christianity, Fuji Film Camera, Heal, Healing, Jesus, Jesus Christ, King James Version Bible, Photographs, Photography, Uncategorized13 Comments

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/heal/#like-253021

Apr 8, 2017

Heal

Your body can heal from bruises, bumps, cuts and breaks but your mind can never heal from emotional, physical or psychological abuse.

I am a rape survivor. I was raped when I was 19 but the abuse did not stop there. Throughout most of my adult life I have been the object of sexual harassment, domestic violence, bullying, workplace violence etc… For a long time I tried to cover up my wounds by going to church, reading my Bible, prayer, exercise, having productive hobbies such as photography, practicing Buddhist meditation, getting out into Nature, affirmations, playing Gospel, Inspirational and uplifting music, read books that are supposed to show you how you can get deliver from your thoughts, listening to progressive positive videos and podcasts, and so on. You name it I’ve tried it or am still using these strategies.

During the last 40 odd years I’ve been hospitalized repeatedly for Depression. I’ve been on all types of anti-depressants and psychosis drugs/pills to no avail. I spent two weeks on the psych ward as a prisoner at Kings County Hospital in Brooklyn, NY. One of the worst hospitals in New York. I was forced to take medication that caused panic attacks, breaks with reality, hallucinations and everything else these drugs are supposed to fix. I saw things there that scared the hell out of me and frightened me so badly that I promised myself I would never return to the hell hole again. Just thinking about that place causes nightmares.

Believe me when I say that the cure is worse than the disease.

After being released from Dante’s Inferno I began to realize that I will never escape the effects of the trauma. I will always have flashbacks, nightmares, triggers, night terrors and fears that nobody except those who’ve gone through my experience can understand. I know I will never have a loving, caring relationship with a man because too much water has passed under the bridge and I rarely trust men. My history and my experiences are my reality no matter how many times I read or watch that book/movie called The Secret.

I still do all the things I stated in the early paragraph but now as I approach my sixth decade on this earth I realize that I cannot run away from me. I was looking for a fix or a cure that does not exist. I must accept my failures, flaws, and shortcomings because no matter what I do inside my mind I will remain the same.

However all is not lost as I know when I pass from Labor to Reward I will receive my healing in Heaven and my suffering will come to an end. Finally I will find peace.

One thing that I will do when I see Jesus is ask him why I had to go through all this pain and what I did to cause it. Was there something wrong with me. That is something for which I really want an answer.

So that is my response to today’s word prompt despite the fact that I know folks won’t like my words and will say that my feelings and emotions are not true or valid but deep inside I know that my truth is my reality no matter how much I try to change it. You can’t run from yourself.

Good Vacation News

On January 8, 2017 By dancingpalmtreesIn 1 Chronicles 4:10 New King James Version (NKJV), Christian, Christianity, Edward G. Palmer, Edward Gordon Palmer, Edward Palmer, Harlem, Harlem Renaissance, Harlem Renaissance Exhibit at Yale, Jeremiah 29:11New King James Version (NKJV), Saratoga Dreaming........, Saratoga Springs, Saratoga, NY, Stephen, Stephen Vincent Palmer, Uncategorized12 Comments

Blogging Family,

Remember how I was moaning and groaning over the extremely high Con Edison bill and thought I was not going to be able to go away end of Feb/March 2017. Well I was wrong! I received this great email message a few days ago.

Hello, Deborah.

Thanks so much for your note and glad to hear of your interest and plans.

MetroNorth from Grand Central or 125th Street is the way to come — and it ends in New Haven at Union Station here. Beinecke Library is downtown in the heart of the Yale campus, an easy taxi/Uber from the station (and a nice enough walk if the weather is decent).

Our hours and other information are here: http://beinecke.library.yale.edu

The Yale University Art Gallery, among other venues on campus, are also worth checking out on a visit. Yale’s art museums, like Beinecke’s exhibitions, are free and open to the public. The Yale Calendar of Events — http://calendar.yale.edu/cal/opa — and Yale Arts Calendar — http://artscalendar.yale.edu/ — are great resources.

P.S. ~~ All that overtime I do helped me pay my half of the bill. My room-mate and I split the electric bill. Hard work does pay off and working on Holidays is a good thing! Mo’ Money! Mo’ Money! Mo’ Money!

So Yes I will be going to see the Yale Harlem Renaissance special exhibit for my birthday!! Hooray!! Maybe not right on Feb. 27th which will be my BornDay Celebration but I plan to take that week off on vacation anyway. My only consideration will be the weather as Snowstorms put an end to train travel. But with God’s Blessings and Divine Favor it will NOT Snow and the temps will rise to the 40s at least for my vacation week!

On the subject of Vacation Big Ups to both my Supervisors who are excellent young Ladies! They are a Blessing to work with. We work well together. They have a sense of humor and are Flexible! I know I’ve said this before but I cannot repeat it enough, I’m so Glad and Happy I moved to the Evening/Night Shift!! The rest of my co-workers on both the evening and night shifts are Super Nice. We have each others back and support each other. My work environment is the best its been in 8 years. This is my 9th year at the museum and I’m so Blessed to be with a community of people who are fun to be with.

As for Saratoga, well I did go there with my Dad many years ago and I thoroughly enjoyed our trip. My Dad Edward G. Palmer was a true Blessing for me and my brother Stephen as he took us many places and exposed us to locations outside New York City.

When I was in the military Daddy had more Father/Son bonding time. Daddy and Stephen went on an Alaskan cruise! I’m sure they had fun. Stephen was very close to Daddy and even though he can’t really tell me what they did I’m sure Stephen has fond memories of the Cruise.

The moral of the Story is that and always is God answers prayer. Maybe not in the way we want or on our time line but the Lord always comes through. For that I am Grateful.

As the Mothers of the Church used to say, God will make a way out of no way! Say Amen Somebody!!

1 Chronicles 4:10
New King James Version (NKJV)

10 And Jabez called on the God of Israel saying, “Oh, that You would bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory, that Your hand would be with me, and that You would keep me from evil, that I may not cause pain!” So God granted him what he requested.

Jeremiah 29:11 New King James Version (NKJV)

¹¹For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.

Love in My Heart and a Sword in my Right Hand!

On November 21, 2015 By dancingpalmtreesIn 50+, Africa, African American Queen, African Goddess, African King, Afros, Black Panther, Buffalo Soldiers, Candace of Meroe, Cathay Williams, Caucasian, Christian, Christianity, Colour of Beauty, Dark Skin, Eartha Kitt, Edward G. Palmer, Edward Gordon Palmer, Edward Palmer, Egypt, Ethiopia, Ethiopian Goddess, Eva Gordon Palmer, Eva Sophronia Gordon Palmer, Female Divinity, Feminine Divine, Goddess, Hair, Hair Texture, Hattie Banks, Hattie Finney Banks, Helen Garcia, Helen James, Mable Palmer, Malcom X, Natural hair, Nzinga Mbande, Nzingha, Queen Seshat Egyptian Goddess of Scribes, Queen Tiye, W.E.B. Du Bois

Nzingha African Warrior Queen & Priestess

Warning! This Post is Not PC. If you get easily offended stop reading now. Contains Brutal Language.

Judges 4-5 New International Version (NIV)

”

⁴Now Deborah, a prophet, the wife of Lappidoth, was leading^[a] Israel at that time. ⁵She held court under the Palm of Deborah between Ramah and Bethel in the hill country of Ephraim, and the Israelites went up to her to have their disputes decided. ⁶She sent for Barak son of Abinoam from Kedesh in Naphtali and said to him, “The Lord, the God of Israel, commands you: ‘Go, take with you ten thousand men of Naphtali and Zebulun and lead them up to Mount Tabor. ⁷I will lead Sisera, the commander of Jabin’s army, with his chariots and his troops to the Kishon River and give him into your hands.’”

⁸Barak said to her, “If you go with me, I will go; but if you don’t go with me, I won’t go.”

⁹“Certainly I will go with you,” said Deborah. “But because of the course you are taking, the honor will not be yours, for the Lord will deliver Sisera into the hands of a woman.” So Deborah went with Barak to Kedesh. ¹⁰There Barak summoned Zebulun and Naphtali, and ten thousand men went up under his command. Deborah also went up with him.”

Matthew 11:12 King James Version (KJV)

¹²And from the days of John the Baptist until now the kingdom of heaven suffereth violence, and the violent take it by force.

DeBorah The African Warrior Queen

I come with Words of Peace and Praise of Thanksgiving upon my lips

Along with a Sword in my right hand.

Third Eye Opened in the midst of a Changing Life,

I refuse to play the victim any longer!

Pale riders your rule has come to an end. StepandFetchIt and Mammy are long gone. Ethiopia and Nubia Rule once more.

I will defend my Queendom unto death for there be more with me than against me.

Though I be petite in frame, know this my enemies, Don’t sleep on the size!

Victory is mine.

All bullies shall feel sharp cold steel against their necks.

Negotiation has come to an end! This time all abusers shall be repaid 100 fold for their unholy acts.

Never again shall my precious temple of mind and body suffer desecration!

Arise My SiStars!! Arise My Warrior Queens!!

The Thieves shall be banished from my Holy Temple!

Ready for Battle!

Prince ~~ Thieves in the Temple

https://youtu.be/HfGrIaqYK8s?list=PLsgN5r88gaaW8gZbpGmowQdpqEatudZoC

Matthew 21:12-13 New King James Version (NKJV)

Jesus Cleanses the Temple

¹²Then Jesus went into the temple of God^[a] and drove out all those who bought and sold in the temple, and overturned the tables of the money changers and the seats of those who sold doves. ¹³And He said to them, “It is written, ‘My house shall be called a house of prayer,’^[b] but you have made it a ‘den of thieves.’”

Post Script ~~ Dear Folks of the Caucasian Persuasion. Do Not Touch my Hair. This is not a petting zoo. Do not ask me stupid questions like, “Do you comb your hair?” Do Not compare my braids, locs or cornrows to Medusa and I won’t say anything about your wrinkles, age spots or your open audacity and stupidity to think you can come up to any random Black person that you don’t know and just spew the first idiotic thing that issues forth from that pie hole in the middle of your face. And No you Do Not have the right to become offended if I call you out on your arrogance and foolishness. Keep your ignorant racist sexist dumb words and attitude to yourself! Don’t get it Twisted. Mammy and StepAndFetchIt are long gone. In fact do me a favor. Shut the Fuck Up and stop commenting on my appearance! Don’t Fuck with the African Goddess! I am a Proud Uppity Black Woman with Attitude. Don’t you forget it.

France

On November 16, 2015 By dancingpalmtreesIn 9/11, African American Queen, African Goddess, Bangladesh, Bigotry, Buddhism, Buddhist, Christianity, Edward Palmer, Eva Gordon Palmer, Evil, France, French, French National Anthem - "La Marseillaise" (FR/EN), Gay, Gladys Young, Goddess, hatred, Hattie Banks, Helen Garcia, Helen James, Hindu, Homosexual, India, Iran, Islam, Jesus, Jewish, Judism, Love, Love Train [Original 12" Version] - The O'Jays (1972), Muslim, Paris, Racism, Terrorism, William Henry Halstead, William Palmer, Winston Churchill - We Shall Never Surrender (Full Speech)3 Comments

This is a very long two part post.

French National Anthem – “La Marseillaise” (FR/EN)

My blogging buddy K.B. who lives in Paris is safe, alive and well. He is grateful to all Americans for their prayers, encouragement and support.

I totally disagree with the hate towards France being spewed on Facebook!! Yes we all know that France was a Colonizer back in the 18th and 19th Centuries but the people alive today, the people maimed and killed in those horrible attacks have nothing to do with with what happened centuries ago. Yes we do need to learn and heed the lessons of the past. Colonialism and Slavery must continue to be taught in schools so we recognize wickedness and choose another path. On that note yesterday I left a group that I thought was about the positive because of the evil statements made against France. People who return hate for hate are little better than the oppressors.

Winston Churchill – We Shall Never Surrender (Full Speech)

https://youtu.be/CyoMp2JceOw

Governments often make problems that make others suffer. My parents, grandparents and great grandparents went through racism and Jim Crow but they did not hate this nation, their country. As a Black woman I experience bias, racism and bigotry often but that does not give me the right to lump all white people in the same pot as an excuse to hate and spew venom. As a Christian I represent Jesus Christ so I can never do this. My spirit and soul do not allow me.

Love Train [Original 12″ Version] – The O’Jays (1972)

https://youtu.be/iTp0AlTuPNA

Many of those murdered in France and on the Russian airplane blast were innocent children. Hatred solves nothing. We cannot go back and change the past. Also keep in mind on 9/11 many French, European and other nations supported New Yorkers and Americans. Being Pro-Black does not give me the right to be anti-white or anti-European. Why? Because the Love of God and His compassion is in my heart. Most people of color have experienced bias and bigotry in some form but I refuse to deny aid, support or prayer to those in need. I pray for everyone. I’m still praying for the innocent Russian people killed in that airplane explosion. Hate is divisive. Please do not use this tragedy as an excuse to incite or fan the flames of hatred. I wholeheartedly and unashamedly support and stand with the people of France and victims of terrorism worldwide! Show Love to all.

‪#‎France‬‪ #‎Paris ‬‪#‎OneLove‬ #America

********************************************************************************************************************************************

I Rise Above hatred, bias, bigotry & racism.

I know what it is to be treated with the wide brush of stereotypes.
Working with the general public can be a challenge and if you’re a Black Woman wearing a uniform, a uniform that designates a form of authority more challenges come your way.

My Great, Great Grandfather William Henry Halstead left his life as a Free farmer and joined the Union Army for the benefit of his enslaved sisters and brothers and for his descendants unseen and yet unknown. But maybe he did know that Stephen and I would reap the benefits of his sacrifice. My Dad Edward G. Palmer left City College and joined the Air Force to fight for an America that did not even consider him a man but duty and honor came first. Thanks to the sacrifices and Love from my ancestors my generation of Black Americans became the first generation to benefit from the Civil Rights Movement. I’m carried on the shoulders of giants.

My Mother, Grandmothers and Aunts rose above the indignities of Jim Crow.

Sadly some look at me and see only color or gender. I’ve been approached by white males thinking that I’m a drug dealer or available for sex. Obviously I had to set them straight. They needed to be firmly re-educated.

But I’m more than race, nationality or gender. Like most people on this earth Black, Brown, or white I’m a human being of complexity. That’s why I had to speak out against vile remarks being leveled at the French people. God created people. Humans created race & divisions.

I’ve come to think that the reason God placed me in the museum was to root out my preconceptions, illusions and delusions about people of other faiths.
Over the almost 8 years I’ve worked there the Ladies and Gentlemen I’m closest to are Muslim, Buddhist, Hindu & Jewish. By being around and in close contact with co-workers outside of my faith I’ve learned a lot and mostly not to be judgmental. I’ve even visited their Houses of Worship and learned that these faiths are not so different from Christianity. If I had been born in Iran, Egypt, Bangladesh, India, I would be a practitioner of that faith. We are all people who want the same things in life.

One God. Many Paths.

Earlier this year I spent two weeks in the hospital. The reason I’ll keep private but the person who visited me and took me home is Gay. Again another lesson of acceptance. Every time I’ve prayed for help God sent someone from another race, faith, gender, or sexual orientation to assist me.

I could lower myself to the level of bigots, haters, slanderers & spew a fountain of venom and vindictiveness but I choose not to. I choose if not to Love everyone but to at least to respect all people regardless of race, religion, or sexual orientation. When I make mistakes or say the wrong thing I go back and apologize. Nobody is perfect but these errors in judgement provide me the opportunity to examine myself.

I’m sure as I make my way towards March 2018 and retirement God will have even more Life Lessons on my path towards Enlightenment.

Still Rising.

Trickster Robes of Decayed Bones

On November 22, 2014 By dancingpalmtreesIn Bogus, cacophony, Christianity, church, Faith, Fakers, Fallen Angels, false profits, False Prophets, Fantasy, Flock, Jesus, Perfumed Robes, Sepulchers, Tongues8 Comments

Only bowing to the King of Kings and Our Lord of Lords never kneeling to False Prophets aka false profits, whited sepulchers walking dead mens’ bones filling their coffers through vice and trickery. I eternally serve the One who died for me! All the rest are greed filled knaves and fools bilking desperate hearts in need. Spreading a blasphemous Gospel of Greed.

Staining the House of God from within and without. Lord Jesus Mighty Conquering comes riding upon the Black Horse of Justice swiftly dispatching all who besmirch his Holy name.

Fakers. Wearers of many faces leaping forth with slithering tongues. Cacophony of fabricated hopes and bogus promises. Backward collars. Backward minds. Trickster preachers wearing perfumed fine robes covering rotting flesh and decayed bones. Strutting. Posturing, Pontificating Piped Pipers leading the Flock astray. I never knew you. Never again will you be permitted to utter profanities on sacred ground. Be gone into everlasting oblivion you counterfeiters of Truth.