Close Encounters of the Wrong Kind


 

Wednesday evening on the C train riding home from work

The creepy uneasy feeling you get when a big overgrown palooka with three shopping bags sits next to you on the C train. He tries to catch my eye. I knew what he was doing but refused to look at him. Another member of the Lunatic Fringe. I scrolled to a photo of my Dad on my cell phone hoping he would think that’s my boyfriend. Then the seat across from me becomes vacant. He plops his Jabba the Hut butt on the seat and gives me a smile. I gave him a very weak smile in return but continued to listen to my music.

After a while Mr. Doofus began laughing at some scene taking place outside on the platform probably known only to him because the other passengers on the train did not turn to look. Probably a ploy to engage me in conversation. Wide open laughter. Bad teeth. Snagglepuss. Him need dentist badly. However praise be to the subway train gods he got off at Jay Street Metro and lumbered his big red suede shoe wearing hippo pot ass off into the maze of commuters. Whew!!!! Bye. Bye. Blubbermass!!

 

Calling All Dentists! Please move to BodegaLand. There is an epidemic of dentally challenged toothless men wandering the city desperately in need of Dentures or Tooth Implants!
Subway Etiquette
If space on the seat is 12 inches and your butt is 24 inches wide stop tryin’ squeeze your fat ass into a seat space not meant for big booty people!!

 

Brooklyn Go Hard Morning ~ Raunchy, gritty, grungy, hardcore, dirty, filthy, artsy-craftsy, petal soft primal woodsy, wild. Designer baby strollers, Citi-Bike riders, health food buyers, vegan organic garden juxtaposed within a few blocks of BodegaLand wilted fruit, shrunken veggies, seven churches on one block, artery clogging foods, liquor stores, Loosies, shopping cart pushing poverty stricken poor beings hustling up another meal from the local food pantries. The B25 Bus will take you to all worlds in one short ride.

Bumble Bee Buzz Razor sharp concepts ideas, plans, exciting, off the chain, rose scented thorns up your crazy cool a$$ fantasy, all the way live, drama, Elegance, earthy, witty, Wow! The Borough of Kings filled with Queens. City of Dreams. Poems and Schemes. Living the Grind to expand my mind. Peace out!!!!!!!!!

Brooklyn Evening Downstream Rush
Brooklyn ~ Land of Drama and Dreamers, Hipsters, Hucksters and Healers, Shirkers and Workers……

 

Live from Bodega Land, Brooklyn | Raggedy Man ~ Close Encounters of the Wrong Kind


Live from Bodega Land, Brooklyn

Raggedy Man ~ Close Encounters of the Wrong Kind

Every day before I get on the C train I buy my Daily News, Snapple and a snack. Today was no different. As I’m picking up my items for purchase some raggedy dentally challenged man is having a debate with a sister on being a gigolo. Snagglepuss was bragging on some dude who has a woman who works, pays his way, takes care of their kids and allows him to be lazy while he plays video games. The Sister said if a man wants to assume the wife role then he needs to perform wife duties; i.e., cooking, cleaning house, doing laundry, taking care of kids, etc…. not laying up playing video games. Pumpkin head didn’t like her answer still wanting to be King of the Castle without being a breadwinner. Meanwhile the Arab guys who own the bodega are laughing their heads off.

The entire conversation was so stupid and Mr. No Teefus followed me and the sister out the store trying to drag me into the conversation with “I don’t like these role changes. They ain’t no jobs out there!” I told him you need to stop being so lazy, get an education because there are jobs available. I wanted to add, “Yo’ funky ass needs to take a bath, cut or comb wiry shit you call hair and get some damn dentures and stop using sob stories trying to pick up women. Drinking and trying to con the Arab storeowners out of cigarettes, candy & soda is not an occupation. Neither is drug dealing and robbing working class people. No Negro you do not have the hook-up. You just a sorry toothless wonder looking like a decrepit Alfred E. Neuman!

Calling All Dentists! Please move to Brownsville & Bed-Stuy, Brooklyn ASAP! There is an epidemic of dentally challenged toothless men wandering the Hood in need of Dentures!

I’m Gonna Keep Sitting on it Scrubs


Storm
Storm — Power over the Elements

I live in Bodega-Land, Brooklyn. Exchange at the Bodega across from the Laundromat. I’m wearing an old Ecko Red short sleeve shirt and some skinny jeans. I’m waiting for my Beef Patty with cheese and coco bread. While I’m paying for my food and drink I get the following rap from Snagglepuss. “Ya keep ya body nice. Can I get your number and can I give you mine.” I’m polite and keep that smile on my face knowing I’m about to reject this fool because I don’t want any confrontation before I get to eat my food or check my clothes washing across the street.

He notices that I speak proper English and says; I see that you’re an intellectual. Hmmm I’m thinking just because I live in the Ghetto doesn’t mean I must lapse into Ghettoese or Ebonics. Crooked teeth continues, maybe you and me can get together and discuss spirituality, blah, blah, blah, bullshit. You know the way that Rasta Negro was eyeing me up and down his mind wasn’t on the things of God or any type of Spiritual talk. Leon Spinks just wanted to find a way to get some “Coochie”. I lied and told him I had a boyfriend. I just wanted to get away from his sorry ass, finish my food and get my laundry done. Mission Accomplished.

However in the words of the immortal Ruth Brown, “I’ll Just Keep Sitting on it. I ain’t giving it away.” Rochdale Village had its share of old coots prowling for “Coochie” I see Brownsville/Bed Stuy has it’s own share of horny fools with really lame game.
http://youtu.be/KPll4sQDssU

 

Talk to the Hand cause the Face ain't Listening.
Talk to the Hand cause the Face ain’t Listening.

Ladies, always remember Men are like the City Bus there’s another one coming in 20 minutes hopefully with good teeth, fresh breath, who bathes and uses deodorant.

Honey if you’re game is lame and your rap is weak don’t even think of stepping to me. No romance without finance. And no I don’t do Ugly, fat or Stupid. I may be broke but I’m never desperate. I’d work 40 hours of overtime before I hook up with your no job, no car, no talking sorry hoodrat/thug/bad boy ass. Been there. Done That. Paid the Price.

http://youtu.be/pKV8uSX2nEQ

TLC -- No Scrubs
TLC — No Scrubs

Ladies you gotta let these men know what’s up. They telling you they can do acrobatics with their dick! Really! Are they fucking double jointed or contortionists? Give me a fucking break. Please! Why is their dick so much more special than any other. Is it extra long? Does it swing from side to side. WTF! Then they a fucking freak and belong in Ripleys Believe it or Not. Or maybe they should be making porno films. I’m older and wiser now. Dick don’t mesmerize me anymore. Get something in your head or you’ll never get me in bed. My body is my temple and only my true King who I choose can enter in. Don’t get it twisted. Little boy your package does not impress me.  In the meantime Losers give your Ding-A-Ling a hand job.

My Ding-A-Ling

 

Ladies if you’ve had the best don’t settle for less.

Get up off your broke ass, fix your face , see a dentist and fix your teeth, and get an education and a decent job. If you can’t come correct don’t come at all.

Hello Summer in the City!

 

Talk to the hand cause the face ain't listening.
Talk to the hand cause the face ain’t listening.