Gaslighting

On July 29, 2014 By dancingpalmtreesIn Acceptance, Angel, Battle, Broken Angels, Broken Hearts, Buddha, cacophony, DeBorah, deception, Deliverance, Delusions, Depression, despair, Domestic Violence, Evil, Expectations, Fears, Instability, Jesus, Koyaanisqatsi, Limbo, Loss, Lost Souls, Love, Malevolent, profane, Purgatory, Sacred, Scars, sorrow, soul, Stigmata, Suffering, Understanding, Vanity, Viper, War, Wasteland, Wicked, Wisdom

Ingrid Berman in Gaslight (with Charles Boyer)

If you’ve ever had this happen to you then you know what it is to live in abject fear & terror. Gaslight – verb (used with object): to cause (a person) to doubt his or her sanity through the use of psychological manipulation.

Gaslight (1944)

http://youtu.be/0ToLfQU2xmg

The source is a George Cukor-directed thriller starring Ingrid Bergman as a woman whose husband tells her she’s imagining things that she claims to see in a musty old murder house, including the gaslights dimming by themselves.

Unless you’ve gone through this experience there is no understanding what it’s like to not know whether you’re crazy or the other person is playing you for a fool. I know how that feels. Cruelty in any form is a weapon that has the potential to destroy peoples lives. I’m just fortunate to have a Guardian Angel. This past weekend I survived an episode with a so-called professional member of the particular online business group I’d like to get into.

A certain amount of trust is involved within our interactions with other human beings. School, the job, our House of Worships, entrepreneurial relationships all involved being able to trust the persons we hope to glean information from to build our business and who we trust to provide marketing and promotion information. However some people in these online business groups are merely stalkers seeking to capitalize on the trusting natures and vulnerabilities of others. Not just sad but depraved indifference to a fellow human beings feelings and emotions. They are Social Media Vultures and/or Predators seeking unsuspecting prey. Masters of Psychological Deception. Tricks without the Treats. Vipers ready to strike without a moments notice.

Like anyone, I’m always looking to better myself. To this end I join groups on social media. Having carefully researched the product you then join with like-minded individuals in order to gain strategies on how to succeed in your chosen field. Skill building is important to ensure the success of any business venture.

So its scary stuff when even one person in the business group turns out to be a stalker who then libels and slanders you without cause all the while making you the victim think you’re at fault. No compassion whatsoever. A total disregard for the victims emotional state.

It’s an especially cruel type of manipulation as the tormentor gains the innocent person’s trust only to betray them through psychological and emotional means. Once they gain your trust they either gradually or perhaps more aggressively twist their words so you feel like you’re losing your mind. Ever so slightly they threaten you with police action, incarceration, jail, prison, legal actions, and many other types of evil tricks to make you believe that you’re at fault and deserve punishment. Despite their malevolent actions suddenly you become the criminal and then these sadists try you in their kangaroo court while acting as judge, jury and executioner.

A series of lies, rumors, innuendos, slander, falsehoods, cause you to doubt your ability to reason or make sense of a troubling situation. The constant question of “What Just Happened Here?” goes through your mind until that Guardian Angel, Rescuer, Redeemer helps you gain perspective.

Then the demonic wickedness of these Master Manipulators is exposed and once again Salvation has been regained. I was Blessed to have someone step in to help me and give me reassurance. Also I was connected with a girlfriend who also went through domestic violence and sexual abuse scenarios like me who understand. A calm, kind, gentle, loving voice who embraced me acceptance. I was not alone. Somebody threw out the lifeline. I grabbed hold and climbed out of this monstrous pit.

I am not deterred in my efforts to improve my finances. One monkey don’t stop no show! I see God’s Angels all around me. I feel God’s Love. I now know that I am not at fault and I don’t have to be afraid. Legions of Angels have been detached by God to protect me. As for that spiteful, mean nasty person there will be both earthly and God’s Judgement now that he has been exposed. Purgatory for this individual has only just begun. Sanctuary for him will only be found in accepting the truth, repentance and restitution.

1 Chronicles 16:22 & Psalm 105:15

New International Version (NIV)

²²“Do not touch my anointed ones;
do my prophets no harm.”

Broken Places

On July 28, 2014 By dancingpalmtreesIn Abuse, Acceptance, Broken Angels, Broken Bones, Broken Hearts, deception, Deliverance, Depression, despair, Evil, Expectations, Fantasy, grief, Loss, Lost Souls, Manufacturered Reality, Refuge, Rejection, Rescue, Scars, soul, Wasteland, Wisdom2 Comments

It’s a risk to admit you’re broken and possibly beaten or just plain tired and hurting inside.

Risky to say you hurt both physically and emotionally because then the Pharisees and Sadducees appear with knives, razors and spears ready to slash you because you’re not the image or the person they want you to be.

Crying and tears are considered character flaws.

Once you fall out of the House of Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm in essence you’re Fucked! Already down on your luck scavengers come to pick at your last bits of self-worth beating you down further than you already are.

Let’s be truthfully, Life is a Roller-coaster Ride. You slowly inch up higher and higher then drop quickly to precipitous lows. But once you get down in that valley here come the Happy Police demanding for you to get out. Comparing you to others who are 25-30 years younger with circumstances unlike my own. They want you to live lie. Be a fake or a phony. Being Sensitive is a crime. For me there is no refuge or sanctuary just rejection. Justice is sentencing to a lifetime in Social Media Wasteland. A judgement and sentence I refuse to accept.

Seems these people never remember the times they were down and out. When someone reached out to them with kindness and compassion instead of criticism and judgement. But for me the prescribed remedy is to rip the scabs off my scars yet still expect healing. I’m a Stigma, a failure because I’m not running through fields of tall grass and flowers singing tunes from the Sound of Music.

Even Jesus had to get away from clinging needy people with their hands out always wanting his miracles but not his teaching. Jesus went up to a mountain or to a desert place all the while knowing his disciples, his friends would desert and betray him. Yup they threw the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords under the bus. In these Techie days folks just label you a Social Media Loser.

But he embraced his broken places but not their false expectations and I will do the same. If you only accept me in my happy up times but not in my broken sad times why say you’re my friend at all? Unfortunate to say, But there exists no Love or Respect for Broken Angels.

7 Seven Bell Fitness Gym

On July 17, 2014May 15, 2016 By dancingpalmtreesIn Brooklyn, DeBorah, Ethiopian Goddess, Female Divinity, Feminine Divine, Goddess, Gymnastics, Gyrations, High Blood Pressure, Jerome, Jerry, Recovery, Redemption, Refuge, Spirituality, Vision, Vision Quest, Visions, Vitamins, Wisdom, Woman2 Comments

Victory Salute at Seven Bell Fitness Gym

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/healthy/#like-246039

DAILY PROMPT

Healthy

I’m a Victorious Over-comer in the making! For me the keys to unlock the prison was to Challenge myself. I joined Seven Bell Fitness gym located in Brooklyn in April. Did a Strength test. My trainer said I was in good shape for a 55 year old woman. So psyched I signed up to do 10 lessons. One training per week. My trainer encourages me to push myself. I felt so good after knocking myself out. Endorphin and adrenaline rush!! Do the thing you fear the most.

Yes at 55 these exercises are more difficult for me than when I was 18 and doing Basic Training courtesy of Uncle Sam but I want more for myself. I desire Great Health and I’m gonna make it happen. No time for dissenting voices. I Listen to my true friends who encourage and support me. Yes for the next ten weeks I will be close buddies with Epsom Salts and Ben Gay but I will be a Lean, Mean Fighting Machine!!

Getting My Sweat on at Seven Bell Fitness in Brooklyn, NY!

I did my time in the Land of Sick & Tired. I’m done and I don’t live there anymore! Breaking out of that prison!! I’m a Fighter. I’m a Warrior and I’m Free!! Ten weeks of pushing it to the max with my personal trainer. Warrior Woman! Still feeling the Endorphin Adrenaline Rush!!

Cue training song, “Eye of the Tiger” ~ http://youtu.be/EoDKQYn-ANE

Check out my glowing face after a vigorous workout at Seven Bell Fitness gym. Amazingly even after my personal trainer puts me through my paces and I discover muscles I never knew I had and the endorphin and adrenaline kick in so strongly that when I get home I’m dancing, vacuuming and cleaning house sometimes simultaneously!! These hardcore workouts give me extra energy. I’m not at all tired even after supercharged exercise routines that work my muscle groups.

http://sevenbellfitness.com/

Going to the gym on a regular basis and working with a personal trainer is bringing results. One of the girls in the Ladies Locker Room who is in her 20s asked me how I got my upper arms in such good condition. She wanted to know specific exercises. Now that is the Bomb when a girl in her 20s is seeking fitness advice from a woman in her 50s!! The Queen Reigns!!

Radiating strength and power after my workout at Seven Bell Fitness in Brooklyn, NY. Guess I’m not too out of shape for a 55 year old Lady, but my goal is that six-pack. Menopause has been very cruel to me, taking away my formerly flat tummy and replacing it with pudge so after working out on my own since October 2013 I knew I had to go hard and join a gym. Went with Seven Bell Gym in April and the improvement has been amazing. I want to be ripped and sculpted. Middle-age does not have to be an obstacle to fitness and it’s never too late to start. As a young woman I served in the U.S. Army from 1977-1981 so I enjoy the regimen and the discipline. Oh yes that water bottle is filled with Alkaline Antioxidant Water from my buddy Jerome Gaillard.

Alkaline Antioxidant Water

TODAY:… Unfortunately, many people are living with a body that is not performing at its peak. This can be due to a wide range of contributing factors, such as lack of hydration, poor diet, lack of sleep, environmental exposure to chemicals, and chronic stress, which can damage a body’s carefully balanced natural defense system. All of these factors can lead to an overload of the immune system, which places more stress on the body.

The long-term activation of the stress-response system and the subsequent overexposure to cortisol and other stress hormones can disrupt almost all your body’s processes.” That’s serious business for those of us who are trying to stay healthy. And it explains why countless consumers feel fatigued on a daily basis and battle sickness all too often.

The good news is that the symptoms of stress and poor health can be dealt with naturally! A stressed out body very often lacks proper nutrition, practices poor sleeping habits, and neglects proper hydration. This cycle of stress and poor hydration can be broken by drinking enough healthy water daily. In general, you should try to drink between 8 to 10 glasses of water every day.

Alkaline Antioxidant Water – Change your water, change your life! The Solution – Healthy Alkaline Antioxidant Water!

There’s no need to turn to medication to achieve a healthy pH level. You can effortlessly defend your body against imbalance by consuming healthy, mild tasting water that is friendly to Mother Nature. www.jerry-kangenwater.info/?c=usage

Alkaline Antioxidant Water Systems produce clean water that is never stripped of the important minerals your body needs to stay well. Your Enagic Water machine will conveniently connect to your kitchen faucet, so you can naturally give your immune system a boost without stepping outside your home!

Who's BadAss?! Me!! — Who’s BadAss?! Me!!

Trust water ionizers from Enagic to help you achieve a healthy body, naturally. This extraordinary machine was developed 37 years ago in Japan and has been used by countless individuals all over the world as a means to achieve the best health possible. It’s not a fad, it’s a solution!

The Workers Leave No Footprints

On July 12, 2014January 18, 2015 By dancingpalmtreesIn Abuse, Acceptance, African American Queen, African Goddess, African King, Bad Breath, Battle, Black Orpheus, Body Odor, Body Snatchers, Borg, Broken Angels, cacophony, Catharsis, Craving, Creativity, DeBorah, deception, Deliverance, Delusions, Dissonance, Dreams, Ethiopian Goddess, Expectations, Explore, Fantasy, Female Divinity, Feminine Divine, Hallucinations, Innovation, Inquisitive, Knowledge, Koyaanisqatsi, Limbo, Loss, Lost Souls, Malevolent, Morpheus, Museum, Negritude, Night Sweats, Nirvana, Oneiroi, Optical illusions, Phantaso, profane, Purgatory, Recovery, Refuge, Rejection, Rescue, Riders on the Storm, Ritual, Sacred, Sanctuary, Scars, soul, Spears, Spider Web, Spinning, Spirit, Spirituality, Stereotypes, Stigmata, Stinky breath, Suffering, Surrealism, Taijhena Mona Lisa Ormand, Thánatos, The Twilight Zone, The Walking Dead, Under belly, Understanding, Unloved, Unwanted, Vision, Visions, War, Wasteland, Wicked, Wisdom, Woman, Zombies4 Comments

Dreams Never Die

Youth said “Dreams Never Die.” Twenty years passed then Recession kicked in. New Realities were born. Twelve hour workdays became the norm.

Like a drowning man Dreams surfaced again and again only to plummet down to the watery deep. All the while knocking at 1% door watching them through one-sided window laugh, play, drink and party with no thought for the ‘Morrow’. We the unseen only imagining free time for our dreams.

Dreams that must wait until Social Security beckons if death does not reach us first. Fore bread, water, warm clothes and a place to live cry louder. Goodnight Sweet Dreams. May you one day resurrect to a New Dawn.

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

The Working Poor Leave No Footprints

Surrounded by a plethora of people who seemed to surface like bloated corpses after spring thaw. Worker bees we are all meaningless specks of dust being recklessly scattered by blustery winds. Modern day Robber Barons throw battle weary soldiers back into the battle while they sit sipping tea in Ivory Towers. Thirty-seven years a professional, now placating rot breath Sabbath suits long in tooth, visions of Mammy dancing in their heads. Limestone Liver spotted wrinkled bone bags befoul the air with endless demands. Dontcha know Miz Daisy learned to drive herself and the Help all went to the French Rivera.

I am Hagar cast out of my prosperous household, denied by the Master and Mistress I once served. Thrown out of my protectors’ house my Dream-child and I await Our Avenging Angel of Salvation.

My Dreams now dead buried under work obligations, mountains of rules and regulations that I seem to constantly violate just by being. No miracles exist for me. Only years of mindless drudgery ahead. Millennial Overseers govern my every move with their remote control mind games. Freedom lies dormant within my imagination. My brain has been put out to pasture because intelligence is not needed or wanted and creativity has become a sin. Automaton Me clad in nondescript dull uniform easily replaceable by the next set of hungry hands yearning for the pence dispensed from the rich mans table. Hey!! Who’s next up on the Auction Block?!! Come lock step into the Plantation Mausoleum filled with objects which are valued more than drones who guard them. We be Aliens in our own Land. Serfs never reaping a hard earned Harvest.

Yet soon a New Day will Dawn, Dreams will bear fruit and Visions be reborn.

Reflections from the Woman with the Skinny Legs

On December 22, 2013 By dancingpalmtreesIn Catharsis, Diabetes, Ethiopian Goddess, Fantasy, Female Divinity, Feminine Divine, Goddess, High Blood Pressure, Joe Tex, Mable Elizabeth Palmer, Mable Palmer, Menopause, Negritude, Redemption, Refuge, Rejection, Rubenesque, Sacred, Sanctuary, Scars, soul, Stigmata, Suffering, Surrealism, Tattoos, Tummy, Walking Wounded, Wisdom, Woman, Woman with the Skinny Legs2 Comments

Reflections from the Woman with the Skinny Legs

One Thin Woman’s Hopeful Journey towards Cultural Acceptance

Skinny Legs And All – Joe Tex (Dial)1967

As a Black Woman who has been called skinny, bony, stick lady, po’ and various other negative names for years. I can understand wanting to fit in. I’ve actually had women especially Black women come up to me and tell me they hate me or call me some nasty names I won’t repeat. I remember gaining a lot of weight when I was in my 40s due to taking anti-depressants. Believe it or not I received tons of compliments from my African American co-workers.

Prior to my forties, when I was a young woman working in an office, co-workers would leave all types of cookies, cakes, snacks, even cans of Ensure telling me in a not so subtle way that I needed these foods to “fatten up” and become an accepted member of the tribe. If my weight suddenly ballooned to 195 lbs, something that is genetically impossible for me, but if those numbers did rise would my Black Woman Membership card arrive in the mail?

Right before I started work at my present job I stopped taking the anti-depressants. Of course I lost the weight. Sadness. Bullying from some female co-workers. One brother told me I had a body like a white woman. Someone else said I looked Asian. I love my Caucasian and Asian Sisters but like anyone else I want to be accepted by my own community. I want to fit in. Devastated. I cried myself to sleep many nights. I even tried to explain to my female co-workers that my thinness was due to genetics, which is true. My mother Mable Palmer never weighed more than 95 lbs in her life even after having kids.

BTW my mother had diabetes as does most of my family on my mother side. Many of my cousins my around my age, (I’m 54) have died from the disease. I had my own brush with death November 7, 2008 when I was rushed to the hospital from my job for extreme high blood pressure. To show you how brainwashed I was as I lay on the hospital gurney in the emergency hooked to a machine monitoring my pressure, my life passing before my eyes, I looked down at my thighs and felt shame because I was so thin!

Like most women I look like my mother. I carry her DNA. Also since I have high blood pressure I can no longer eat certain foods so that prevents me from gaining additional weight. I weigh about 117 or 120 depending. Am I a fat basher? No because I know from firsthand experience just how sensitive weight issues and the ensuing insults or assumptions can be. I want to know how my weight got to be a determination of how Black I am or how womanly I am.

Does everything depend on the size of a woman’s breasts or butt? Have I been banished to a leper colony of neo-Blackness? Is a woman not more than her body? When do we stop promoting the superficial and concentrate on substance. Sometimes I think my body type has made me an outcast. Does the fact that I’m slim make mean my membership in the African race has been revoked?

Eye of the Beholder

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8t5qwyWl0xw&feature=colike

I’m not handing in my Black card just because my facial features and body structure are considered all wrong. Oh by the way does my dark skin and nappy hair get me reinstated to the Land of Negritude? Define Blackness! Does it not run deeper than the outside package?

Finally I confided in one of the African American supervisors what I was going through. He reassured me I looked fine and said I looked good. He explained to me that some of the females at our workplace were jealous.

Then after 50 I started gaining a little weight. Thank you Menopause for helping me enter the realm of semi-Rubenesque. I was received back into the fold, somewhat but I still get those funny looks and comments not only at work but even within my own ‘hood.’

Books with titles like “Skinny Women are Evil” do not help the situation. I hate that our patriarchal society has pitted one group of women against others even within our own race. So if I was stacked, voluptuous, a “brick house” would I then hear the Gooble Gobble song.

One of Us – We Accept Her

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9C4uTEEOJlM&feature=colike

: Squats

Okay you know that I was intrigued by this picture. Anything to add curves to my stick frame. I looked up Squat videos on YouTube and found one that “Looked easy.” Not!! As I was doing the squats I could hear my knees Snap, Crackle & Pop more than a bowl of Rice Krispies. Maybe I should forget the Donkey Booty and just stay a “Black Twiggy!”

This is a Squat video by a Colombian Sister. Really now it would just be much easier to be reincarnated into her body!! LOL!! OMG!! Isn’t there an easier way to snag a husband? If I click my heels together 3 times will my stomach fat move downward towards my butt or upward to my boobs?! Dang my knees are creaky and clicking more than Savion Glover tap dancing!

Still trying to return to the Summer of 42. Not 1942 because I wasn’t yet born but age 42 when I had a nice hourglass figure. So I’ve been planking since Dec. 1st and now I will add Squats to my program. Let’s see if all this exercise results in romance when I turn 55 in Feb.

http://youtu.be/xK9jzjsTJts

I considered using one of my cats as weights but they would not cooperate and thought the better of that idea. Leave sleeping kitties lying on the bed. My cats already think I’m crazy for Planking. Now every morning Sylvester and Weezer take up a position in the Living Room watching me make a fool of myself and sometimes rubbing their little furry faces against mine.