Impolite Spaces

On August 14, 2016August 14, 2016 By dancingpalmtreesIn Brooklyn, DeBorah, DeBorah Ann Palmer, Stephen, Stephen Vincent Palmer, Uncategorized, Whodini- Friends12 Comments

From the “Street Art Utopia” website

“Street Art Utopia” website Spoof of the Gleaners by Millet

In this Go-Go World of being your Personal Best, working out, exercising on a daily basis, winning on all accounts being Super Woman when all you want to do is crawl into your bed and sleep My world has gone slowly. Especially as I’ve gotten older. Whether you want to or not your world slows down as you age. Your body changes and things you did with ease while in your 20s, 30s & early 40s are difficult and in some cases impossible.

Forget the 100%, Lean-in, and all the other bullshit of supposed non-stop success. Of course I have hopes, dreams and goals but there is also reality. The reality of work. Having a job that takes up most of my life whether I like it or not. Being that I’m not rich, wealthy or filled with resources I’ve made peace with the fact that more than likely many of the things I wish to accomplish will never come true. I can live with that.

Also I hate being “On” 24/7/365. Why should I put on a false face to people who are supposed to be my friends. If I can’t be real with you well Fuck it and why bother.

But there is satisfaction in accepting Life as it is. I no longer have the desire to knock myself out or Go Hard as they say in Brooklyn. As much as Quitting and Giving Up is maligned in the last few months I’ve given up a whole lot of things. Mostly other people expectations of what my Life should be. People don’t like the words I can’t but I’m not one to continue Living a Lie saying I can do things that I know I can’t do. Also Life is short. Why waste it on unattainable goals.

Recently a woman who I once considered a friend, someone to whom I had poured my heart out to about my challenges, the abuse I had suffered as a young woman, my history of domestic violence, my physical and emotional challenges just negated everything I had to say. She kept saying that I could be an Inspiration to other Women, that I was Chosen. If I had any of this hidden potential I would not have been hospitalized for two weeks last year, I would not be sick or in pain 90% of the time and I’d be financially independent instead of in the hole scrapping together coins in hopes of making it through the next week. Being her friend was like banging my head against a brick wall and wondering why I had a headache.

Well needless to say after I realized that she had an Agenda about what my Life should be she has been downgraded to acquaintance. We don’t speak except to say Hello or Good Morning. I’m not nor do I want to be an inspiration to anyone male or female and No I’m not Chosen by God or any other entity to do something special. I’m not special or unique.

Slowly I’ve lost faith with friendships, expectations and relationships in general. Major reason I stay to myself. Trust erodes so easily.

I’m just and all I ever want to be is a regular person trying to live my life. The only person I’m dedicated to is my brother Stephen. The only reason I’m on this planet is to give Stephen the best Life possible. He is my motivation for Life. As for anyone else I owe them nothing. Let me make it plain. I don’t owe you jack-shit!!

I stopped being on a Mission to please other people. Whether I author a book, have a photography show, maybe. Maybe not. If it’s meant to be it will happen and things will fall into place. I’m no longer disappointed because I realize that some dreams remain that. Just dreams.

I unsubscribed from all the Life Hacks. Life Coaches. So-called therapists. Non-stop 12 Steps to Happiness plans. What you need to do or be to succeed. And all the other bullshit I see coursing across the Internet. These jerks are not living in my world, walking in my shoes nor do the know, contemplate or even begin to understand my story or my song. Not that I care what they think because basically all that they say goes in one ear and out the other. I’ve stopped listening. I leave the Rah. Rah. Rah. Life to the younger set. I’m tired.

I’m done with people telling me what to do or how to live my life. Get lost. Unless your life is perfect why should I listen to you?!

Who knows? Maybe in ten years if I’m still alive I’ll be walking along a deserted beach somewhere kicking cans and rocks along the sand satisfied.

In the meantime back to bed.

Talk to the Hand cause the Face ain’t Listening!!

Whodini- Friends

Portraits | Faded Photos ~~ Vibrant Memories

On August 10, 2016August 10, 2016 By dancingpalmtreesIn BILL WITHERS GRANDMA'S HANDS, DeBorah, DeBorah Ann Palmer, Edward G. Palmer, Edward Gordon Palmer, Edward Palmer, Eva Gordon Palmer, Eva Sophronia Gordon Palmer, Eva Sophronia Gordon Palmer -- Grandmother, Family, Mother Zion A.M.E. church, Sly & The Family Stone - A Family Affair, Uncategorized, William Junius Palmer, William Palmer13 Comments

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/discover-challenges/portraits/#like-249127

TheDailyPost

DISCOVER CHALLENGE

Portraits

Paint a picture with words, capture someone on film, sketch a face in the crowd — this week, share a portrait.

Eva Sophronia Gordon Palmer -- Grandmother — Paternal Grandmother Eva Sophronia Gordon Palmer

Eva Sophronia Gordon born 1891. Married William Junius Palmer January 1919. First child Stanley born September 1919 died of Polio. Daughters Helen, Thelma and Eva all Lived. Eva’s twin William born 1922 also died of polio. Her last child my Father Edward Gordon Palmer was born 1930. He was the only boy to survive. His nickname was Precious.

I often wonder how my grandmother coped with losing two of her children but I suppose in those days there was little time to grieve plus eventually other children to care for. My Grandmother was a member of Mother Zion A.M.E. church so I’m sure that gave her comfort.

My Grandmother Eva was my Grandfather’s second wife. His first wife died and he needed a wife to care for him plus his first set of kids. My Grandmother needed a husband so as the story goes it was arranged for my Grandmother to cook my Grand Dad a meal. Must have been a good meal because they got married and stayed married until the early 1960s when they passed away.

Funerals tend to present you with unexpected family information on or about people you never knew existed. In May 1995 when my father Edward G. Palmer passed away I encountered some cousins I never knew I had. What shocked me was the man telling me that we were related was a tall white guy with blue eyes!! Then the stories of my Grandfather’s first wife began to make sense and the reason why he had a sudden departure from Petersburg, VA. His first wife was white! All during my childhood I had heard how my grandparents took in these kids, white kids but as I grew up that made no sense. Jim Crow was the law of the land and Miscegenation (whites marrying Blacks and vice versa) was a crime (Miscegenation Law was not abolished until 1968). I suppose my grandparents had to come up with some kind of story so that’s the tale I was told. It also explains why he never discussed his childhood or young adult years with my Dad. Some things are better left unsaid.

My Grandfather died when I was very young so I have no memory of him and very little of my Grandmother. I was around five or six when she passed away so my memories of her are faded, distant and dim but I always try to hang onto our trips into Harlem to visit her. This has imprinted on my mind. When I think back I can still see her apartment and envision the living room, kitchen one of the bedrooms and some of her furnishings. It’s very important to keep those Memory Portraits fresh in ones mind.

Again in 2010 when the last of the Greatest Generation my Aunt Helen Palmer Garcia made her passage to the other side I met more of these “hidden” cousins. Unfortunately even though at that time I exchanged information with them we have not stayed in touch and I moved in 2012 so it would be difficult for me to find them or them to find me.

As we gathered in Aunt Helen’s church for the repast someone took a photo of our Rainbow Family but like everything else on my hard drive it has decided to hide. When you see my relatives we truly are a mixed race mosaic of America.

Edward Gordon Palmer 1935 — My Dad Edward Gordon Palmer as a child in Harlem. This photograph was taken by famous Harlem Renaissance Photographer James Van Der Zee.

James Van Der Zees former Photo Studio

Grandfather_4kids_1926 — Grandfather William Palmer with his children 1922, Mt.Morris Park, Harlem, New York.

Grandma Eva's Music Sewing Box — Grandma Eva Sophronia Gordon Palmer — Grandmother Music Sewing Box

Memory Lane – Minnie Riperton

https://youtu.be/VDP0GJ2rlME

BILL WITHERS GRANDMA’S HANDS

Sly & The Family Stone – A Family Affair

Share Your World – 2016 Week 31

On August 1, 2016August 1, 2016 By dancingpalmtreesIn Camera, DeBorah, DeBorah Ann Palmer, Photographs, Photography, Share Your World – 2016 Week 31, Uncategorized, Writing5 Comments

https://ceenphotography.com/2016/08/01/share-your-world-2016-week-31/#like-18910

Share Your World – 2016 Week 31

With your answers, please remember we are in the SYW world which may not always match our reality.

What is your favorite part of the town/city you live in. And what Country do you live?

I Love New York City. The energy!! The Vibe! Not always the weather but I Love New York for the diversity and variety of activities. Many of these activities are FREE!! NYC has many services for the poor, disabled and needy. Also the availability of transportation. Pretty much the buses and subways run 24/7/365. I don’t drive anymore because of my eyesight. If I Lived in the country I’d be stuck in the house because I’d have to wait on somebody to take me out. So Boring.

Country: U.S.A.

Would you rather wear clown shoes every day or a clown wig every day?

Wig. My walking is labored because of arthritis so if I had to wear Clown Shoes I’d be tripping and falling constantly.

Which way does the toilet paper roll go? Over or under?

Under.

What do you do to make a living or during the day? If you are retired what mostly occupies your day? Or if you are a student what are you studying?

I’m a writer/photographer who during the day masquerades as a museum security guard. Looking forward to retiring in Autumn 2018!!

Bonus question: What are you grateful for from last week, and what are you looking forward to in the week coming up?

The ability to Blog. I’ve been sick for at least the last few weekends and two days last week but at least I was able to Blog. I look forward to getting better. Hopefully.

The Clown Shoes are from Cee’s Blog!

Anger Mgmt 101

On July 30, 2016July 30, 2016 By dancingpalmtreesIn DeBorah, DeBorah Ann Palmer, Edward G. Palmer, Edward Gordon Palmer, Edward Palmer, LL Cool J - Mama Said Knock You Out, Mable Elizabeth Palmer, Mable Palmer, Nubia, Nubian Ninja, Phenomenon - LL Cool J, U.S. Army Veteran, Uncategorized, Vietnam27 Comments

Today at work I had a good laugh. One of the male security guards actually went to one of our Lady Shop Stewards to complain that his feelings were hurt because I stop speaking to him. I nearly burst out laughing but I managed to contain my chuckles because dickhead knew very well why I stopped speaking to him.

After a prior incident where he not only insulted me but had nerve to do it in front of the visitors well I blasted him good. My initials stand for Don’t Play. This is a job where we are required to be professional. If you got beef with me you need to talk to me in private not in front of the general public. I warned him then and there that I don’t know who you think you’re talking to but you picked the wrong one. Unfortunately if you work in a department that’s mostly male you’re gonna have men who challenge you or attempt to intimidate you.

I don’t do challenge or intimidation. Just because you’re a man does not make you better or smarter than me. Since his dumb ass is not a supervisor you need to watch what you say to me. Even if you are a supervisor if you talk out of turn I’m gonna speak up for myself.

I’m one that once you mess with me unless you apologize I’m not forgiving you. Fuck Forgiveness. Fuck Feelings. Wrong Female. I don’t owe you anything. There is No Love nor Light. The only Light you will get from me is when I Light your ass up! And that’s not a Light you want to experience. I Do Not Tolerate any disrespect from anybody. It’s that simple!!

Mable and Edward Palmer did not raise me to be a doormat. In fact my parents told me not to take crap off anyone and that I had a right to defend myself.

LL Cool J – Mama Said Knock You Out

Mr. Angry Asshole had offended several co-workers and many stopped talking to him. Many years ago he was demoted from a higher security position because of his temper. His anger has gotten the better of him to the point that he has had several heart attacks. At least one on the premises and he is not even 50 years old!

I think he feels I should and I must converse with him because we are both Veterans. Well I’m a Veteran all he is and was what we in the Military call Weekend Warriors. Meaning he was in the Reserves. One weekend out of the month and two weeks out of the year of actual service. I was in four years full-time, 24/7/365.

Just to show you how truly nasty Mr. Numb-nuts is we have a gentleman who is also a security officer who served bravely during the Vietnam War. This wonderful man actually saw action. He suffers from PTSD but goes out of his way to be extra nice to all our co-workers. He is a pleasure to work with. He follows the Catholic faith always with his prayer beads and follows Jesus teachings. Everyone Loves him. Except one person. Guess who? You guessed right! Private Jackass. The Lumpy Paleface Lunatic actually had the nerve to badmouth a great man who went through the trauma of seeing people killed and trying to save the lives of wounded soldiers (he was a medic).

As for Knucklehead most of the guards try to avoid him. He has very few friends. Not many will put up with his rude, nasty, sarcastic remarks. I’m all for humor, cracking jokes and laughter but making fun of people, insults, lack of proper communication skills and zero people skills are not acceptable.

I have not guilt nor shame in cutting ties with abusive co-workers. That person does not write my checks nor are they paying my bills. Forgive and Forget don’t work here. I will dismiss you and keep on stepping. I have no shame in my game.

I AM THE FEMALE PHENOMENON!! THE ORIGINAL NUBIAN NINJA!!

The Notorious D.A.P. has spoken!!

Phenomenon – LL Cool J

https://youtu.be/Rq4TDpa1zF0

Moral of the Story: Don’t Let your mouth write checks that your ass can’t cash!!

The Prodigal Daughter Returns

On July 21, 2016July 21, 2016 By dancingpalmtreesIn Blue Spider Woman, D-Nice, DeBorah, DeBorah Ann Palmer, Her Ladyship, The Prodigal Daughter Returns, The Sassy Sexy Irreverent One, Uncategorized9 Comments

The Prodigal Daughter Returns

Back By Popular Demand!!

The Sassy Sexy Irreverent One has made her way back to the Writing Blogosphere after a very brief hiatus!!

Still suffering the slings and arrows of outrageous misfortune despite all ills, aches and pains the Queen has made her way back to her Throne!! In the guise of Blue Spider Woman and with extra assistance from the Nubian Ninja D-Nice is back in the House!! Three Cheers for her Ladyship!! Hip! Hip! Hooray!!