Lately especially since I turned 50 several years ago I’ve been to more wakes and funerals than birthdays. My generation, Baby Boomers are passing away. The baton is being passed to the Millennials. Turning 50 seems to be the catalyst for health problems and medical issues. One of the few good things about 2016 is that this is the first year since 2008 that I have not been in the hospital as a patient. Actually my health drama began at age 49 with a mini-stroke that had my life literally passing before my eyes. Facing death you realize how much you want to live but after turning 50 you already know you’ve live more than half your life and there are more years behind you than in front of you.
This is why I dread Christmas and I don’t make a big deal of the Holiday season. Christmas usually brings bad news mostly somebody has died.
Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years have become one long anxiety and panic attack for me.
I know next year to avoid discussing despised fake, phony Christmas I’m gonna do a moratorium on posting after Veteran’s day until the first week in January has passed. I don’t want to deal with any more Holiday Greetings and I’m tired of putting on an act of a season I’ve come to hate with a passion.
Now obviously I will attend the company Christmas party because I don’t want to be thought of as a Grinch and I’m happy for the folks who do celebrate. More power to them and I Love to eat. Goodies are available.
Truthfully Christmas means absolutely NOTHING TO ME!! Jesus was not born on December 25th and he was Jewish!! If Jesus were on earth today he would be celebrating Hanukkah not Christmas!! As a Christian I see no point in make believe cheer during the holidays and those same people who wish you Happy Holidays will curse you out January 2nd.
Most important that the commercialism and merchandising of Christmas is the state of your soul. Your standing with God in whatever ever belief system you follow. When you die God will not ask you anything about Christmas but rather how you treated your fellow human beings for your time on this earth.
I know my time to meet the Lord is coming. Perhaps sooner than later. As my Dad used to say, “Straighten up and Fly Right.” Or to quote my Grandmother Hattie Finney Banks, “It’s time to Get Right with God!”
The only thing that matters to me now is my status or right standing with the Lord!
2 Corinthians 5:8
King James Version (KJV)
8 We are confident, I say, and willing rather to be absent from the body, and to be present with the Lord.
CHRISTMAS WRITING PROMPT #14: WRITE A LETTER TO SANTA
Dear Santa,
#1 On my Christmas Wish List ~~ My health. Remember that mini stroke I had back in November 2008. You know the one that took a good deal of the vision in my left eye. Please reverse the effects of the stroke. Heal my back and my digestive system. I’m exhausted nearly all the time and suffer from stomach problems which makes it every difficult to do anything with my brother Stephen. Eventually because of my health I will cede most of that to his Group Home Residence and his Day Treatment Center. Yes Reverse the effects of aging. I’m spending all kinds of money that I don’t have on treatments to keep the pain and tiredness at bay with little success.
Finances
I need money. Most of the time I’m barely getting by. I look at the balance in my checking account today and there is no money for Christmas. In fact my decision is whether to celebrate Christmas or to pay my rent. Santa you know which one will win unless you come through with a whole lotta cash and be quick about it. Christmas meal will most likely be canned food, PB&J, and whatever is affordable at the local bodega. Oh yes there is the Halal food truck near my job. Cheap and tasty meals.
Explain to me why Christmas does not come to the working class or the poor. Also I’m gonna need between $3K & $4K to find a safe affordable place to live or I’m be homeless this time next year. I know you don’t visit folks in the Homeless Shelters so bring me an affordable apartment in a safe neighborhood near the subway!! I have been working Double Shifts meaning 16 hour days with little or no sleep. Fix this now!!
My Brother Stephen
I Love my brother Stephen dearly but as time goes along between my health and my lack of money I realize I won’t be able to spend as much time with him as I want unless you fix requests #1 and #2. Realistically I can’t do the things I used to do. Every month simple tasks get harder and harder. However I’m glad Stephen is in a Residence because the day is coming when my health will give out and I won’t be able to be there for him. Tell me why Life is one continuous Struggle?!
Final request. Bring back all the people; family and friends I Loved and Lost over the last 25 years. Most of all bring back my parents Edward and Mable Palmer whom I desperately need. Frankly I’m sick and tired of all the fake people who tell me to be strong and keep going with out actually lifting a finger to help me. I need my Mother and Father. I need to hear their voices. I need to hug them and be close to them. Memories are not enough they don’t work! Love from afar is no good. I want them here with me because I need their help. Sick and tired of the phony folks who live in a Fairy Tale Fantasy Make-Believe world who have all the Blessings of Life who tell those of us facing disaster just to hang on when there is nothing to hang on to!!
But I remember you don’t exist and all my wishes, hopes, dreams and goals for Christmas and 2017 will most likely go up in smoke.
However if you are real and you actual read this letter:
Their places at the Thanksgiving and Christmas tables have been empty in some cases for many years. Some say you have memories but you cannot speak with a memory and you cannot hug a memory. The tears last forever.
For the ones for which I have no photos I pour Libation and speak your name that your memory may never be forgotten. Wounds that will never heal. Tears that flow like a river into seas and oceans far from the distant shore. Ase.
Delbert Callahan, Gladys Young, Linda James, Clarence and Mamie Finney and the list goes on of family and friends most taken from this earth way too soon meaning except for two all died in their 50s and 60s. Every year that I get older the more people my age who pass away. Sometimes I wonder if I’ll be next and in what circumstances I will leave this earth.
Bernadine I still miss you so much. I carry your prayer card in my uniform every day. I still miss your smiling face and your laughter. However I know as much sorrow is in my heart your daughter and two sisters are hurting more than me and this year there will be no Christmas for your Loved ones.
Empty Chairs. Sorrow-filled hearts. Even though my parents have been gone close to twenty years I’ve never completely gotten over their loss and probably I never will. I still feel that ache Thanksgiving, Christmas and especially on Mother’s and Father’s Day which I don’t celebrate. When my parents passed away and I had to go through all their belongings and sort out things in their home one of the things I made sure went into the garbage was the Christmas tree and all the ornaments, even the ones dating back to the 50s and 60s because what sense would it make to have kept those things when the people who gave them meaning are gone? Of course now my space is the size of a postage stamp so I’m glad I tossed that Holiday junk. Since I never married nor had children it made no sense to carry on any type of holiday traditions. I make sure my brother Stephen has gifts and we go out on the town but I stopped decorating and sending Christmas cards long ago.
Fortunately this year I will be working on Christmas day and I am happy for the welcome distraction. My job will help me take my mind off what is a depressing holiday for me.
Mom & Dad
My Dad Edward G. Palmer
My Dad Edward G. Palmer
Mom Mable Palmer
Mable Elizabeth Palmer ~~ My Mom
My Grandfather William J. Palmer with some of his children in Mt. Morris aka Marcus Garvey Park
One thing that stood out to me in John Glenn’s obituary other than his NASA career was that he and his wife were married for 73 years!! Outstanding!! That is what I call a True Love bond! Wow!!
Another aspect of John and Anna Glenn relationship was that I admired that his wife whom he affectionately called Annie stammered for many years yet he called her “His Girl” and the rock of their relationship and family life. John Glenn did not care that Annie stammered. Her disability had no bearing on his Love for her. He accepted her as is. Later through intensive therapy Annie Glenn did conquer her stammering along with support and encouragement from her Beloved husband.
Now a days it’s all about hook-ups and booty calls. A Woman has to look like a movie star actress, model with a perfect shape, flawless skin, hair and nails plus Never age. Then we wonder why our relationships don’t last. I’m not saying let yourself go downhill. Yes take care of yourself but marriage and any long term romantic relationship is more than a roll in the hay. What you’re looking for. What we are designed for as human beings cannot be found on Tinder, Grinder or any online dating website, your local bar, disco or club. Nor should you just treat your House of Worship as a social club. The Singles Ministry is supposed to be there to help you create a well rounded Life as a Single person not to just scout for Mr. or Ms. Right. It’s a good thing if you do meet your future spouse at church but God should be first.
Keep in mind that sooner or later you’ll have to get of out the bed and deal with that person as an individual not a sex object or somebody you can misuse, abuse then toss aside. What you do to others will come back to haunt you.
O’ for a Man. A Real Man! A True Man! Who will Love you with all your faults, flaws and Aging Body!! They just don’t make’em like that anymore! More than just Lovers but True Life Partners!!
Proud to say my Dad Edward G. Palmer was such a Man. Forty Years together on earth and Now an Eternity together in Heaven!!
Mom & Dad
Yes I admire John and Annie Glenn because they both have the Right Stuff! R.I.P. ~~ John Glenn.
Godspeed Mr. Glenn!! Now exploring Limitless Heavens!!
I had hoped to write a happy post. Something positive and uplifting for this Veteran’s Day but unfortunately with the results of yesterday’s presidential election there is not much good that can be said.
Those of you who served in the United States Army remember this Oath of Enlistment.
I, _____, do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; and that I will obey the orders of the President of the United States and the orders of the officers appointed over me, according to regulations and the Uniform Code of Military Justice. So help me God.” (Title 10, US Code; Act of 5 May 1960 replacing the wording first adopted in 1789, with amendment effective 5 October 1962).
Forty years ago I raised my right hand and recited this Oath.
What happens when that enemy is not only domestic but has now become the Commander in Chief aka President of the United States of America. A man who is a well known sociopath and narcissist. A man whose evil rhetoric and divisive tactics split the nation into two camps. A man who if we allow him will bring if not World War Three but a Civil War where we will be maimed, lose property, jobs, life and limb.
I have to admit being that I work for a museum which mainly attracts the 1%, the wealthy, rich upper-crust of society who don’t give a damn about the working class, immigrants, Black Americans or any peoples of Color I went through my workday numb with interspersion of break times where colleagues sat in equally numb silence or made half-halfhearted attempts to console each other. A Filipina co-worker and I just hugged.
I especially look to my Jewish co-worker who is the voice of reason in all situations. We highly value and respect his opinion. He did give me some hope as did one of my Caribbean co-workers that maybe the Trump Nightmare this man eating bone crunching terminator machine will not completely destroy America as we know it.
As I watch the tourists, visitors and people who live in the white-bread world surrounding neighborhood laugh, joke, play with their kids, be happy I realize that they could be happy because Trump becoming president will not touch their world and in fact will probably make life better for them.
Most of the low echelon workers security and custodial are populated by immigrants, Muslims, people of Color, Hindus, you know the folks that Middle America, Republican Conservative America loves to hate, blame and make us scapegoats for all that is wrong with this country. We are the ones who secure, clean and console but are taken for granted.
We gather together hanging onto any words of hope or solace in this one of the saddest most depressing events in recent U.S. history. Huddling closer and closer attempting to create some type of safety net. But inside is that little voice of fear. We may not show it because we can’t after all we are not supposed to have any feelings or emotions only be subservient to the ruling majority. You know that Remains of the Day stiff upper lip type of thing.
For me the most heart wrenching thing as a U.S. Army Veteran is that the deed is done and there is little or nothing I can do to turn things around.
I fear another Middle Passage. The return of Slavery and Jim Crow. Or perhaps it never really left and was only waiting in the wings for the right actor to make an appearance on stage for it’s horrible reanimation. I Fear: Another Trail of Tears. Another Nazi Germany. Internment camps like the ones where Japanese-Americans were forced into during WWII. More police shootings or innocent Black people.
It also troubles me that many who voted for Trump live in the so-called Bible Belt. Well what Bible are you reading. You do know that Jesus was a Jew who live in a multi-cultural polytheistic society and no where in the Gospels where he is attacking his Greek, Roman or Egyptian neighbors or devaluing their belief systems. In fact Jesus saved most of his most scathing remarks for his fellow Jews/Hebrews specifically the Pharisees and Sadducees. Here is where Jesus got angry with hypocrites.
Matthew 21:12-13
New International Version (NIV)
Jesus at the Temple
12 Jesus entered the temple courts and drove out all who were buying and selling there. He overturned the tables of the money changers and the benches of those selling doves.13 “It is written,” he said to them,“‘My house will be called a house of prayer,’but you are making it ‘a den of robbers.
Those who voted for Trump who is more of an Anti-Christ than a Christian have filled Presidency with a Thief!!
I am stunned, appalled and scared to death of this upcoming Trump Presidency. The KKK is going to be in the White House as of January 2017. I’m old enough to remember the Civil Rights Movement of the 1960s. Folks this is real and is no joke.
The Healthcare law will be repealed, Civil Rights laws be dismantled. Every Black, brown, Jewish, Asian, Muslim, Native Americans, Hindu, Buddhist, all immigrants should be afraid. After all a year from now none of us may be here. My brother Stephen has Autism. There goes all the goods, services and programs for Disabled Americans.
We are going backwards to the 18th and 19th slavery Jim Crow days. My ancestors are weeping. I’m terrified!!
President Trump will keep his promise to Make America White again.
But after all the “Others” are gone what will America do then??? This man has sold you a bill of goods. He gave you poisoned Kool-Aid and you drank. Remember every decision, every choice has consequences. I hope that you can live with yours.
Espiritu en Fuego/A Fiery Spirit 