Wednesday evening on the C train riding home from work
The creepy uneasy feeling you get when a big overgrown palooka with three shopping bags sits next to you on the C train. He tries to catch my eye. I knew what he was doing but refused to look at him. Another member of the Lunatic Fringe. I scrolled to a photo of my Dad on my cell phone hoping he would think that’s my boyfriend. Then the seat across from me becomes vacant. He plops his Jabba the Hut butt on the seat and gives me a smile. I gave him a very weak smile in return but continued to listen to my music.
After a while Mr. Doofus began laughing at some scene taking place outside on the platform probably known only to him because the other passengers on the train did not turn to look. Probably a ploy to engage me in conversation. Wide open laughter. Bad teeth. Snagglepuss. Him need dentist badly. However praise be to the subway train gods he got off at Jay Street Metro and lumbered his big red suede shoe wearing hippo pot ass off into the maze of commuters. Whew!!!! Bye. Bye. Blubbermass!!
Calling All Dentists! Please move to BodegaLand. There is an epidemic of dentally challenged toothless men wandering the city desperately in need of Dentures or Tooth Implants!
Subway Etiquette
If space on the seat is 12 inches and your butt is 24 inches wide stop tryin’ squeeze your fat ass into a seat space not meant for big booty people!!
Brooklyn Go Hard Morning ~ Raunchy, gritty, grungy, hardcore, dirty, filthy, artsy-craftsy, petal soft primal woodsy, wild. Designer baby strollers, Citi-Bike riders, health food buyers, vegan organic garden juxtaposed within a few blocks of BodegaLand wilted fruit, shrunken veggies, seven churches on one block, artery clogging foods, liquor stores, Loosies, shopping cart pushing poverty stricken poor beings hustling up another meal from the local food pantries. The B25 Bus will take you to all worlds in one short ride.
Bumble Bee Buzz Razor sharp concepts ideas, plans, exciting, off the chain, rose scented thorns up your crazy cool a$$ fantasy, all the way live, drama, Elegance, earthy, witty, Wow! The Borough of Kings filled with Queens. City of Dreams. Poems and Schemes. Living the Grind to expand my mind. Peace out!!!!!!!!!
Brooklyn Evening Downstream Rush
Brooklyn ~ Land of Drama and Dreamers, Hipsters, Hucksters and Healers, Shirkers and Workers……
When I served in the military specifically the United States Army the Army dentist answer to my teeth problems was to pull them. So between November 1977 until I ETS’d in November 1981 I had several teeth pulled. One tooth located on my lower jaw was out of place and the Army dentist warned me that if I played any type sports and got hit in the face that tooth would rip a hole in my face. How nice! Just Lovely! Anyway after that visual I let him pull the tooth.
Before I let Uncle Sam’s Dental Demons get a hold of me my Dad used to take me to the Dentist. Probably because the experience was so traumatizing I blacked out much of it from my memory but I do recall one incident where my Mom had to take me to the local neighborhood dentist and this evil man did not believe in Novocaine. I believe he took some kind of sadistic pleasure in my cries and screams and had the nerve, gall and audacity to offer me a lollipop after the horrible experience!!
I am currently on vacation so yes I must once again visit that Torture Chamber known as the Dental Office. Ugh.
This is how I envision most dentists. This movie scene is not for the squeamish or faint of heart.
Marathon Man – Dustin Hoffman – Getting Grilled While Drilled – HD
Below is last year’s Dental Adventures.
Last Friday after I went to Stephen’s meeting at his training center I stopped by a nearby dentist office just to see if they took my DC 37 Dental insurance. I had not been to the dentist in three years and I wanted to get 2016 off to a good start health-wise. Little did I know what I was getting myself into.
Things started off very well. The receptionist was friendly and helpful. I told her that I wanted to make my appointment for next month Feb. when I go on vacation. She assured me that the dentist was free and I could get my cleaning that day. The receptionist was correct. There was only one lone guy sitting in the waiting area. I told her that I did not have my DC 37 card with me. No problem she says. All I need provide is my social security number, with that she makes a quick call to the DC 37 offices who confirm that I am a Union Member. Next thing I know I was filling out forms then a few minutes later found myself being ushered into the torture chamber.
Cue the Shark Music!
Jaws Theme Song
First the X-Rays. I hate when the technician says bite down. Sometimes my bite works other times it does not. I could tell she was getting exasperated with me. Finally she had me put my finger on the film to hold it in place.
Then into the dentist’s chair. The dentist was a friendly young man probably in his late 30s. He did his best to put me at ease.
At this point the X-rays were displayed on the screen and the dentist is going over with the hygienist a state of the teeth report. Most of us have 32 teeth or at least we are supposed to have 32 teeth. Dentist Number x missing, Number y missing, Number Z missing. He asked me why certain teeth were missing and I explained that when I was in the military the Army dentist pulled those teeth out. On he went Number # an occlusion, Number # an occlusion, Number # an occlusion. That word Occlusion set inside me an ominous foreboding. Finally he says to me that I have three cavities that need filling. I ask would it take long? Dentist: No only 30 minutes. Will it hurt? I’ll give you Novocaine. Me being a nervous high strung person who is terrified of dental drills I need NeverCaine!! Anyway he gives me a shot of Novocaine all the while keeping up his happy talk while waiting for me to get numb.
Next come those horrible devices they put in your mouth to suck up extra fluids and blow cold air which in and of itself is uncomfortable and painful as my teeth are sensitive.
Let the Drilling begin!! The teeth that need fillings are in the back of my mouth that makes for an awkward position for me and the dentist however he happily drills on. What I thought was going to be a quick replacement of old fillings past their prime and small cavity repair became an archaeological excavation!
During the deep mining process I was producing various unintelligible sounds akin to the adults on the Charlie Brown TV shows or the character Mushmouth from the Fat Albert cartoon series. Wah. Wah. Wah. Wah. Wah.
Except my hands were gripping the paper towels given to me to wipe the drool from my incapacitated mouth! My legs were flaying wildly! Dentist: Ms. Palmer are you in pain? Me: Muffled screams of pain and agony. After that the dentist gave me another injection of Novocaine. Finally after what seemed like hours instead of minutes he stopped drilling and began filling the two cavities with amalgam, all the while extolling the virtues of amalgam over tooth colored fillers. After that process ended he asked me if I wanted to have the 3rd tooth filled today and I said NO!!! One of the hygienists was highly disappointed probably hoping to see more of my prone pain two step gyrations.
Next came the cleaning. Not as gruesome as the fillings but equally uncomfortable with the flossing. She asked me if I flossed on a regular basis and I said No I did not have time and it was painful. Naturally she chastised me for that. After she finished cleaning she brought up a video about a very expensive flossing machine trying to convince me I needed to buy one. Something akin to the following:
The Philips Sonicare Airfloss
Now given the state of my finances I have no intention of investing in this machine. Just to afford one I’d have to work 80 hours of overtime. No Way!!
On the last Monday of this month January I will return to the torture chamber to resume my horizontal gymnastics and paranoia while getting the 3rd cavity filled. That visit reminded me why I let 3 years lapse before returning to the dentist to have my teeth checked. You go in for one thing, usually a cleaning and you wind up having all sorts of other nerve wracking procedures performed on your tender teeth and gums. Oh Yes for all my pain, agony and suffering they did give me a Swag bag containing a toothbrush, Sensodyne toothpaste, tiny bottle of mouthwash & the dreaded dental floss.
However one of my health goals for 2016 was to catch up on all the checkups I’ve been neglecting over the past three or four years. During my vacation month in Feb. I’ll be going to the GYN to get a Pap Smear. If you’re a woman you know what that entails. Ugh!!
Now let me leave you with these wonderful drilling sounds guaranteed to cause fear in hefty Sumo Wrestlers, American Football players and muscle bound boxers.
Every day before I get on the C train I buy my Daily News, Snapple and a snack. Today was no different. As I’m picking up my items for purchase some raggedy dentally challenged man is having a debate with a sister on being a gigolo. Snagglepuss was bragging on some dude who has a woman who works, pays his way, takes care of their kids and allows him to be lazy while he plays video games. The Sister said if a man wants to assume the wife role then he needs to perform wife duties; i.e., cooking, cleaning house, doing laundry, taking care of kids, etc…. not laying up playing video games. Pumpkin head didn’t like her answer still wanting to be King of the Castle without being a breadwinner. Meanwhile the Arab guys who own the bodega are laughing their heads off.
The entire conversation was so stupid and Mr. No Teefus followed me and the sister out the store trying to drag me into the conversation with “I don’t like these role changes. They ain’t no jobs out there!” I told him you need to stop being so lazy, get an education because there are jobs available. I wanted to add, “Yo’ funky ass needs to take a bath, cut or comb wiry shit you call hair and get some damn dentures and stop using sob stories trying to pick up women. Drinking and trying to con the Arab storeowners out of cigarettes, candy & soda is not an occupation. Neither is drug dealing and robbing working class people. No Negro you do not have the hook-up. You just a sorry toothless wonder looking like a decrepit Alfred E. Neuman!
Calling All Dentists! Please move to Brownsville & Bed-Stuy, Brooklyn ASAP! There is an epidemic of dentally challenged toothless men wandering the Hood in need of Dentures!
I live in Bodega-Land, Brooklyn. Exchange at the Bodega across from the Laundromat. I’m wearing an old Ecko Red short sleeve shirt and some skinny jeans. I’m waiting for my Beef Patty with cheese and coco bread. While I’m paying for my food and drink I get the following rap from Snagglepuss. “Ya keep ya body nice. Can I get your number and can I give you mine.” I’m polite and keep that smile on my face knowing I’m about to reject this fool because I don’t want any confrontation before I get to eat my food or check my clothes washing across the street.
He notices that I speak proper English and says; I see that you’re an intellectual. Hmmm I’m thinking just because I live in the Ghetto doesn’t mean I must lapse into Ghettoese or Ebonics. Crooked teeth continues, maybe you and me can get together and discuss spirituality, blah, blah, blah, bullshit. You know the way that Rasta Negro was eyeing me up and down his mind wasn’t on the things of God or any type of Spiritual talk. Leon Spinks just wanted to find a way to get some “Coochie”. I lied and told him I had a boyfriend. I just wanted to get away from his sorry ass, finish my food and get my laundry done. Mission Accomplished.
However in the words of the immortal Ruth Brown, “I’ll Just Keep Sitting on it. I ain’t giving it away.” Rochdale Village had its share of old coots prowling for “Coochie” I see Brownsville/Bed Stuy has it’s own share of horny fools with really lame game. http://youtu.be/KPll4sQDssU
Talk to the Hand cause the Face ain’t Listening.
Ladies, always remember Men are like the City Bus there’s another one coming in 20 minutes hopefully with good teeth, fresh breath, who bathes and uses deodorant.
Honey if you’re game is lame and your rap is weak don’t even think of stepping to me. No romance without finance. And no I don’t do Ugly, fat or Stupid. I may be broke but I’m never desperate. I’d work 40 hours of overtime before I hook up with your no job, no car, no talking sorry hoodrat/thug/bad boy ass. Been there. Done That. Paid the Price.
Ladies you gotta let these men know what’s up. They telling you they can do acrobatics with their dick! Really! Are they fucking double jointed or contortionists? Give me a fucking break. Please! Why is their dick so much more special than any other. Is it extra long? Does it swing from side to side. WTF! Then they a fucking freak and belong in Ripleys Believe it or Not. Or maybe they should be making porno films. I’m older and wiser now. Dick don’t mesmerize me anymore. Get something in your head or you’ll never get me in bed. My body is my temple and only my true King who I choose can enter in. Don’t get it twisted. Little boy your package does not impress me. In the meantime Losers give your Ding-A-Ling a hand job.
My Ding-A-Ling
Ladies if you’ve had the best don’t settle for less.
Get up off your broke ass, fix your face , see a dentist and fix your teeth, and get an education and a decent job. If you can’t come correct don’t come at all.
Espiritu en Fuego/A Fiery Spirit 