Share Your World – April 17, 2017


 

Share Your World – April 17, 2017

Share Your World – April 17, 2017

share-your-world-syw

When writing by hand do you prefer to use a pencil or pen?

Probably pencil since it has an eraser but due to past carpal tunnel syndrome and arthritis my handwriting is illegible. My handwriting could be the but of those doctor handwriting jokes. Back when doctors used to write paper prescriptions. In New York doctors usually no longer write paper prescriptions as per a New York State Law requiring all prescriptions to be submitted directly to the patients pharmacy via computer.

Would you rather be an amazing dancer or an amazing singer?

Dancer. I admire the Nicholas Brothers, Gregory Hines and Savion Glover.

 

 

 

 

 

 

If you were on a debate team, what subject would you relish debating?

That’s a difficult question to answer. I used to be good at public speaking because it was a requirement of my previous job. Now you could not get me up on a podium unless you paid me $1 Million dollars. Nerves, anxiety and panic attacks would have me running off the stage, then again that would make a good topic, “Why I suck at public speaking.”

The only other subject I could discuss without appearing to be a complete idiot or fool would be on the subject of Autism, my relationship with my brother Stephen and Why Adult Siblings of Autistic Adults Matter.  Autism programs, services and organizations only cater to parents and once the parents are deceased and the individual with Autism is an Adult you are forgotten as well as the needs of Adult Siblings which are not addressed.  There is a serious Lack of Support Services for Adult Siblings trying to take of their developmentally disabled siblings.  My Life is a constant Struggle.

What are you a “natural” at doing?

Writing and photography.

Optional Bonus question:  What are you grateful for from last week, and what are you looking forward to in the week coming up? 

Warm weather. Looking forward to my vacation next month and summer.

 

 

 

 

 

Emotional Healing ~~ Only a PipeDream


 

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/heal/#like-253021

Your body can heal from bruises, bumps, cuts and breaks but your mind can never heal from emotional, physical or psychological abuse.

I am a rape survivor. I was raped when I was 19 but the abuse did not stop there. Throughout most of my adult life I have been the object of sexual harassment, domestic violence, bullying, workplace violence etc…  For a long time I tried to cover up my wounds by going to church, reading my Bible, prayer, exercise, having productive hobbies such as photography, practicing Buddhist meditation, getting out into Nature, affirmations, playing Gospel, Inspirational and uplifting music, read books that are supposed to show you how you can get deliver from your thoughts, listening to progressive positive videos and podcasts, and so on. You name it I’ve tried it or am still using these strategies.

During the last 40 odd years I’ve been hospitalized repeatedly for Depression. I’ve been on all types of anti-depressants and psychosis drugs/pills to no avail. I spent two weeks on the psych ward as a prisoner at Kings County Hospital in Brooklyn, NY. One of the worst hospitals in New York.  I was forced to take medication that caused panic attacks, breaks with reality, hallucinations and everything else these drugs are supposed to fix. I saw things there that scared the hell out of me and frightened me so badly that I promised myself I would never return to the hell hole again.  Just thinking about that place causes nightmares.

Believe me when I say that the cure is worse than the disease.

After being released from Dante’s Inferno I began to realize that I will never escape the effects of the trauma. I will always have flashbacks, nightmares, triggers, night terrors and fears that nobody except those who’ve gone through my experience can understand. I know I will never have a loving, caring relationship with a man because too much water has passed under the bridge and I rarely trust men. My history and my experiences are my reality no matter how many times I read or watch that book/movie called The Secret.

I still do all the things I stated in the early paragraph but now as I approach my sixth decade on this earth I realize that I cannot run away from me. I was looking for a fix or a cure that does not exist. I must accept my failures, flaws, and shortcomings because no matter what I do inside my mind I will remain the same.

However all is not lost as I know when I pass from Labor to Reward I will receive my healing in Heaven and my suffering will come to an end.  Finally I will find peace.

One thing that I will do when I see Jesus is ask him why I had to go through all this pain and what I did to cause it.  Was there something wrong with me. That is something for which I really want an answer.

So that is my response to today’s word prompt despite the fact that I know folks won’t like my words and will say that my feelings and emotions are not true or valid but deep inside I know that my truth is my reality no matter how much I try to change it. You can’t run from yourself.

 

Vitamin Infusion


 

Had my first B12 Booster shot Saturday morning. The offices are nice and clean. The gentleman who is a nurse who gave me my shot was professional and polite. He is also very good looking and easy on the eyes!!  LOL!! Yes young folks I still look at men even at my age!  LOL!!

I did feel energized afterwards. Also treated myself to a manicure and a pedicure. The way I figure we are not on this earth just to work and pay bills. I work loads of overtime and I might as well spend some of that money on me. Naturally I always make sure that my rent is paid. One must have a place to live and New York winters are brutal.

I was able to go on an extended Soulful Strut (that’s what I call my photography walks) along 8th Avenue in Manhattan. The pictures will be posted both here and on my photography blog Roaming Urban Gypsy.  https://roamingurbangypsy.com/

Once I pay my landlord, purchased my Metro Card (bus & subway), utility and phone bills I try to buy myself a small treat.  For those of you wondering I pay cash. No credit cards for me. Also Yes I am saving for retirement. That comes out of my paycheck automatically and goes into a Fidelity Savings plan that I cannot touch until I’m 59 or probably 60. As a Union employee I also get a pension. When I turn 62 God Willing I will apply for and collect Social security.

Obviously due to my girlfriends death emotionally I’m still sad, distressed and upset  but her passing has motivated me to take better care of myself physically. There is not much I can do about my feelings. Nobody feels happy or joyful when a close friend dies. However in light of all that has happened my faith and reliance on God deepens.

Of course one can take all the vitamins in the world, eat the right foods, exercise all day long and then get hit by a truck or bus but all things being equal and having no control over accidents I hope to outlive my friend, co-workers, my parents and many of my relatives who have died in their 50s and 60s. Since I turned 50 in 2009 I’ve seen, heard and been to more wakes and funerals than I care to admit. I guess the key is to make it past 65. My goal is to live to be 70 an age that neither one of my parents achieved. At least one can apply for social security at 62 and have a few years to enjoy oneself before traveling to the great beyond.

I never smoked. Rarely drink alcohol. Eat very little red meat and no dairy. I do some moderate exercise usually walking during the week.  I’m open to new health technologies. Reviv | IV Therapy infusion is one that I shall participate in on a regular consistent basis as long as I’m able. Everybody wants to live a long life but living a long life without good health is worthless. Who wants to be a vegetable, in a nursing home or become a burden to one’s family members if you’re fortunate to have living relatives who even desire to care for you.

Since I never married nor had children the onus is on me. Also my brother Stephen is another great inspiration and motivation for me to be my Personal Best. Stephen is the World’s Greatest Autism Guy and in excellent physical condition. Only the two of us now so Stephen relies on me. Once I retire in approximately two years I want Stephen and I to be able to do fun activities and enjoy our Golden Years together.

 

http://revivme.com/

 

A few photos from my Soulful Strut. If you cannot view them please click on the below link.    https://goo.gl/photos/aCe7hX9FZ1chqj9U6

 

 

Grover Washington Jr – Soulful Strut

Share Your World – 2016 Week 39


 

Share Your World – 2016 Week 39

Share Your World – 2016 Week 39

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A class you wish you would have taken?

Photography. And more Art classes. However I did get to take a Cinematography class in High School which was lots of fun!

What’s your favorite comic figure and why?

When I was a kid I Loved Charlie Brown because I could relate to him. Both of us had constant bad luck, were total screw-ups and Beagles for pets.

Name something you wish you could like.

Math. I really loathe and despise math. Never made any sense to me. Numbers are confusing and I was always getting failing grades in school. Algebra and geometry make my head spin!!

Tell me about your first crush / first date / first kiss.

I thought I was in Love with Paul McCartney of the Beatles. Later on Freddie Prinze from Chico and the Man.

Boy named Phillip. He was a sloppy kisser. Yuck! Glad that he was older than me so went off to college and I never saw him again.

Who was your best friend when you were 10?

Can’t remember back that far. Maybe it was Dora Wilson who eventually had to get a shot-gun wedding. Last I heard she was in Alaska. Or it could have been Jackie who was a foster child. Sadly she wound up in an insane asylum.

What sign are you?

Pisces.

Do you believe in astrology?

To a Degree.

Bonus question:  What are you grateful for from last week, and what are you looking forward to in the week coming up? 

Vacation. Had a chance to rest, relax and do all the things I can’t do when I’m working. Today is the last day of my vacation. Back to work tomorrow. Ugh! With my job I only look forward to the weekends when I’m NOT at the workplace.

 

 

 

 

The Great Pretender


 

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/pretend/#like-249679

Pretend

Pretend you’re well when you’re sick.

Pretend you’re happy when sad.

Pretend that all is well with the world in order to make others happy.

I’m the Clown behind the mask.

Only then will the world smile upon me.

All the World Loves a Liar. One who ignores their true feelings.

Nobody wants the truth. Lies are all that matters.

Facade becomes Truth

The Lies of Positive Thinking. Until the day those Lies catch fire.

Then your Life will burn to the ground.

I’m in the Make Believe Ballroom.

 

The Platters – The Great Pretender – HD (1955)