Splinter Stories from the Hardware Store

Snake Mama Blues — Viper Pickings

“Lureen!! Hey Lurean!! What shenanigans you getting up to in there you old snake necked Gal! Oooohhh! What’s that foul odor I smells. Stinks like turpentine up in here. You painting agin? ArrUrrggha!! What plots be cookin’ and settling inside that old Tureen the Original Snake Mama gave ya?”

Shut up you Itinerant Scalawag! I’m harvesting words, sentences, phrases for the Queen of Books. Her Majesty you know?! Or maybe you don’t know.

“Don’t Know and Don’t wanna know! Put away that concoction and come play Foxy with me.”

“Viper On! Shouted LurAnn!”

Ahh! Come on Lurean Our Chicklings is Grown and we need to make mo’…… Raise up yo’ drab cloak and let me in.

Benjamin You sanctimonious seed of a nun and a monk! Put back your firestick into it’s sheath! There shall be no couplings tonight.

Benjamin could hear the Thukka, Thukka Boom building in his loins and he needed release. He tired of spilling his seed upon bushes and trees inadvertently creating flowering fanged flowers everywhere he spent. At Day break his salty milk mixed with the new born dew as he thrashed and spewed out his rancid dreams.

He wished a sweet comfy covert chamber that would hug his member bringing consolation to his swollen sword.

Out of the Blistering Sundown Heat came a familiar yet unwelcome voice.

“Benjimim! Benjiamim! Is that you a hollering at that stiff necked gal? Who ain’t gonna give you none no matter how hard you beg?”

Emersom Skreech possessed an unkempt bald bobbly head. Walked with a rolling gait of a seasoned sailor unfamiliar with steady land. Skreech was a raggedy Lyle Lovett Look a Like without the deep pompadour.

Townsfolk keep a clear distance away from Em as he was called for his personality reminded one of a gyrating Alien incubating a Succubus.

“Do you Want Me to Cry While I Leave You Alone? I can build up or I can put down. Now which will it be? Beware the Corpse Queen for she’s just a gilded Mummy encrusted with Jewels.

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To Be continued……………………