Abs-Solution


Abs-Solution

Sometime around my 52nd Birthday Alien Body Snatchers had taken my normal hour glass figure and slowly began to replace it with a blobbity blob formless mass. I made the excuse that I was becoming Rubenesque like the paintings in the European Paintings section of the museum. Well that was a poor excuse since I’m living in the 21st Century and not the 15th, 16th or 17th Centuries!

The Old Age beings from an alternate universe and/or dimensions even had the nerve and audacity to hijack my salt & pepper hair leaving just the salt with no pepper!! My hair had literally turned white overnight!!

My Avatar ~ Cat Woman
My Avatar ~ Cat Woman

I even noticed that my formerly Michelle Obama perfect upper arms were beginning to exhibit turkey wing traits!!  Ugh!! No!!  I will never wear the dolmen sleeves! Evil age inducing extraterrestrials’!! Right then and then I made the choice to reclaim my body.

That middle-age spare tire mocked the belly button piercing I had gotten to commemorate my 50th Birthday in 2009! Yes I have and love my Tattoos and piercings. No I’m not going through some middle-age crisis.  I consider my body a living canvas and decorate it accordingly. Why should I turn down my self expression?  From the Funky 40s all the way to my Fabulous 50s Body Art is the Way to Go!!

 Turn Down For What?   http://youtu.be/gzi3gxg062c

Made the decision to return to the Summer of 42 not 1942 because I was not born or even thought of that year but Age 42 when I was at my physical peak.

I began my unofficial exercise program on Halloween my favorite holiday and my New Birth. Ramped it up in November 2013. I had the good fortune to be invited to a number of Birthday and Holiday parties in November and December and naturally I was on the dance floor at every party! Doing all these regular party favorite dances requires agility and endurance. That’s a workout within itself! Thanks to the Help, Encouragement & Support of two very good friends Matt Velez and Hadiiya Barbel I made my official entry into the Fab Abs Waist Wellness By Hadiiya Barbel program!! Hooray!!

Year of the Tiger!
Halloween 2013 ~ Year of the Tiger!!

Two Major Benefits that I noticed right off the bat were my back pain was 95% gone and no colds or infections since I began the Ab programs. So Dancing is great but Planking, Crunches/Sit-ups, Leg Lifts, Lunges, Stretches, Squats, and Jumping Jacks are even better. As with any exercise program I modify it to meet my needs. I know I have arthritis and bad knees so I do as much as I can but I try to up the ante every day. It’s not really a Challenge if you can’t increase your reps but I do my increases gradually and slowly. I feel that by the end of next month Feb or early March I should have Fab Abs. No New Years resolutions but achievable Fitness Goals!!

Alright now Family Let’s Get it Gangnam Style!!http://youtu.be/60MQ3AG1c8o

The Belly Beautiful shall Reign Again!!

 

To all my Abolicious SisterGirlFriends ~ Thanks for Inspiring me to the path of Health and Wellness!! Here’s to an Abtastic 2014!!

Cha Cha Slide Ladies!!

http://youtu.be/cb6pJ4AEOoI

 

December 2013 Party Time
December 2013 Party Time

 

Red Hair!! Red Lips!! A Fiery Spirit Blazes into 2014!!

 

50 Ways to Leave Your Lover and Enjoy the ID Channel


Dumb Shit that Men Over 50 have said to me on dates or Why I Stop Dating Men and Started Dating the ID Channel.

50 Ways to Leave Your Lover

http://www.aarp.org/home-family/dating/info-03-2013/6-reasons-to-date-women-your-own-age.2.html

I want a woman who’s young and firm.

How you want a young woman who’s fit and trim when you resemble the Pillsbury Doughboy? And even if you have kept up your body with exercise, what happened to that Big 70s Afro you had back in the day? Hmmm…. I believe a little thing called balding has caught up with you. Looks like a job for Minoxidal. Oh yes can you do something about the nose and ear hair while you’re at it? Seems like the hair on your head has migrated to your olfactory and auditory systems. By the way did you notice you face has gotten a little craggy around the edges. I dare say most 20 & 30 somethings would find those things repulsive.

As for these Super-Size females in their 20s who are between 5 feet 1 and 5 ft 5 inches who weigh 200+ lbs at age 25 I daresay I’m more fit than they. Plus size is only cute until you hit 40 and find yourself weighed down by diabetes and on a respirator. Mickey D’s is a way of life for many 20 somethings who have never seen the inside of a kitchen except to step to the refrigerator and over to the micro-wave.

More Kids

Moron. You could barely afford the 3 or 4 crumb snatchers and rug rats you had during the 80s, why in the hell would you want more kids? You can’t even go up a flight of steps without breathing hard much less try to chase a toddler through the house. Heck if you really want to hear the pitter-patter of little feet I’m sure that those kids you had during the 1970s and 1980s will oblige you with grandchildren. At least you can give those little monsters back when you get tired of them.

Strutting down the street with a woman young enough to be your daughter or grand-daughter might seem good for a while until the young bimbo gets tired of your Geritol using, Viagra needy ass and moves onto men her own age who can actually satisfy her and will live longer.  In the evening before what you think will be a wild night of passionate love-making, seeing you take out your dentures to soak them in Polident will put the kibosh on any romantic endeavors.

And By the Way bubble head heifer will probably use Texting, Twitter or Facebook to break up with you. However as my beloved parents used to say, “There’s No Fool like an Old Fool.”

Conversations with the young hussy will only result in long drawn out explanations.  If your Reality Show Girlfriend does not remember or has not actually experienced the following, you’re in trouble.

Transistor Radios — portable and cool

Earth Shoes

S&H Green Stamps — Too much licking and sticking

Drive-In Movies — Dr. Zhivago

Ed Sullivan — I only really recall the little mouse Topo Gigo

Mitch Miller — Everyone in my neighborhood watched just to see Leslie Uggams.

Lawrence Welk – hated him, but my parents loved him so I had to watch

Records: 78s, 33 1/3rds, 45s

RCA Magnavox TV with the tubes

Ralph Kiner and Lindsey Nelson

Rheingold Beer

Schaffer Beer

Wattstax

The Automat

Stick with me Mature Man we can Walk Down Memory Lane together with our Bifocals and I’ll laugh at your corny Laugh-In jokes.

 

 

Battle of the Bulge~Relationships Grown Folks Style


My Avatar ~ Cat Woman
My Avatar ~ Cat Woman

Mature Grown Folks Relationship Observations for those 45+  

I’ve had the opportunity to explore every wing of my museum. I especially look for depictions of women in various societies and time periods. There is nothing more beautiful than the female nude. In every culture, Africa, Greek & Roman, European: 13-18 centuries and in 19th Century Art nearly every beautiful woman painted or sculpted has a small belly, a roundness in the tummy area.

Rubenesque as defined by the Urban Dictionary: Applied to a woman who has similar proportions to those in paintings by the Flemish painter Peter Paul Ruben; attractively plump; a woman who is alluring or pretty but without the waif-like body or athletic build presently common in media.

Every magazine, every newspaper, TV, the movies and of course the Internet screams at women to have that perfect body at any age. No you must have that movie star body so all the men will fall at your feet, regardless of the fact that most TV and Film stars have more failed relationships than anyone else.Before the exercise craze of the 20th Century it was okay for a woman to have a slight belly bulge. In fact not only were curves a sign of beauty but a sign you were getting enough to eat! Now the competition is on about who can have the flattest stomach or that infamous 6-pack. When I was growing up in the 60s a six-pack was a beer. Sure if you drank too many of them you took the risk of looking like you were about to give birth to a Budweiser but most folks drank on weekends. However I digress.

So much for exercise helping the “Beautiful People” stay married! This fixation with bodily perfection also has fat, balding middle-aged men, who probably need Viagra to get the job done searching desperately for Victoria’s Secret models. Like most women my weight fluctuates. Now I’ll never be very big because my mother was a small woman, (Jada Pinkett in size not looks) but yes I do have that middle-age gut. Why? I don’t really know. Maybe having an expanding middle was or is an outcome of menopause. At first it really bothered me. I’m no exercise freak but I do my walking and sometimes I’ll do sit-ups but truthfully I hate sit-ups! I can honestly say I look pretty good for my age. I’m well preserved but I’m not a card-carrying member of the fitness craze.  Went through all that while I was in the Army and since I no longer have a Drill Sgt breathing down my neck I no longer fear those 6 am 6 mile runs in full gear.

To paraphrase the Holy Bible, the grass withers and the flower fades but a Woman of God endures forever. Now I can cook and clean with the best of them but I’m never going to look the way I did in my 20s, 30s or 40s. So guys if you’re looking for a Proverbs 31:10-31 Woman I’m here. If you’re looking for Bay Watch babes, well keep looking and let me know how that works out for you. Peace.

Oh yeah….Jelly Belly I Love you!

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