When People Tell You How To Feel & How To Heal

Cynthia is 100% Correct. So many times others have tried to shame or guilt me into accepting abusive behavior or said the abuse was my fault. Tired of having my feelings negated or being forced into a fake happiness.


From the narcissists’ flying monkeys to even the most well meaning of people, people like to tell victims of narcissistic abuse how to feel.

  • “You’re too negative.  You need to be more positive.”
  • “You need to let that go/get over it.”
  • “Aren’t you over that yet?”
  • “You need to forgive & forget.”
  • “You shouldn’t have let them abuse you.”
  • “You need to stop thinking about it.”
  • “You haven’t prayed enough.”

Early in healing, such statements add to the toxic shame you already feel stemming from the abuse.  You feel ashamed of yourself for not being over it, not forgiving your abuser & forgetting their awful deeds or being so “negative.”

Later in your healing, after you’ve gained some wisdom & experience, such comments really just get under your skin.  You know that there is no way to “just get over” the horrible things that have been done to you.  It…

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7 thoughts on “When People Tell You How To Feel & How To Heal

  1. I think bestowing forgiveness is unique to each individual. Each person needs to suss out their own path to healing. For some it is quick, for others it takes time. But no one should bully or shame people into healing. Thanks for sharing this post! 🙂

    1. I know for me personally I get tired of wearing “the mask.” It’s not only uncomfortable but fake and phony. I don’t believe in a life where you are not allowed or afraid to express or feel honest emotions. Now the only masks I will be wearing will be for Halloween.

    1. First off my Thanks go out to the original poster Cynthia Bailey-Rug who is honest and forthright about feelings and emotions that others deem negative. We live in a Pollyanna world where you are supposed to instantly get over any tragedy even if it involves death, disability or dismemberment. Too much Judgment which is why I’ve had to Close Comments on more and more of my blog posts. Specifically in the future I will Close Comments or the serious, sad or tragic experiences in my life. I need to write about them but I don’t need to hear or read the judgment comments. Finally I’ve gotten sick and tired of other people telling me how I should react or to Just Get over it. No more living up to others expectations.

      1. I hear you, DeBorah, and I get it about closed comments. With a lot of the posts you write or you reblog, that is all I want to read–not someone else telling me what I just read!

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