Voices……The Ecstasy and Pain of Tattoo Stigmata


Voices… The Ecstasy and Pain of Tattoo Stigmata

I have Two Souls Inside My Body

I have history that lives in my mind and runs through my veins..

Scars, history written on my skin.. Each tells a story, a chapter in my life…The pain is a catharsis for my sorrow and grief.

 Messages external expressing internal Passions.

An advertisement to the world of who I am and where I’ve been…

I have Two Souls Inside My Temple…

 One soul seeks the way of purity and light…

 The other wants the hedonistic pleasures of sex via penetration of the needle…

I become one with Goddess/God through self imposed stigmata.

The endorphin rush provides a realignment of the Spiritual and the Sensual.

Orgasm is everywhere the needle plays upon my naked exposed skin. The ultimate ritual and rite of passage conduit joining spirit, soul and body.

Decoration releases repression inviting you to lovingly caress the images on your body.

Riding the cusp of carnal side by side with fluidity spiritual sexual nature.

Ink Drawings open up new realms of possibilities—giving external order to internal chaos.

What others see as desecration or destruction is actually the eternal construction and deconstruction of self. …

Are we not all a mixture of the sacred and the profane? Alas are sexuality and spirituality mutually exclusive…I think not.

Book Review — Of Love and Evil by Anne Rice


Of Love and Evil by Anne Rice

Anne Rice’s latest novel is a pleasant departure from her previous novels which introduced the vampire Lestat into our national lexicon. This time Ms. Rice delves into the realm heavenly angels, fallen angels and assassins.

Yes I did say assassins as the protagonist in the story Toby O’Dare was a type of  government “Dexter” who is being allowed to atone for past sins by joining forces with Seraphim, angels whose mission it is to answer man’s prayers to God. Toby is assigned to one specific seraph Malchiah who dispatches Toby through time, space and dimensional universe as a human answer to fervent prayers.

The novel starts off with a beautifully written lyrical prose Toby’s vision of angels, love and being a part of something greater than you.  It then slows a bit when we are introduced to love interest Liona and their love-child little Toby. Liona and little Toby will be big Toby’s inspiration impetus for change in this open ended novel. Throughout his journey back in time to Renaissance Italy to solve a murder mystery his lover and child are forever in Toby’s thoughts giving him that much needed link to earthly love which is the terrestrial companion to the Heavenly love that always surrounds us even when we fail to acknowledge it. Neither seraph Malchiah nor Toby’s Guardian angel Shmarya condemn his romantic love or physical desire for his beloved Liona.

The book also explores the role of fallen angels who because of the rebellious role they played with Lucifer are forever banned from re-entering the Celestial realm, but their hot displease and jealousy of man seek to deter humans from their God appointed mission by planting seeds of doubt. Depending on our cultures we know these malicious spirits as ghosts, poltergeists, apparitions, duppies, djin/jinn, or in this story dybbuk. New Age theorists purport ideas of multiple dimensions, soul travel while atheists and agonists claim to reveal religion or faith as a social construct developed by ancient man to explain the unknown nature of the universe.

Ms. Rice through Toby’s journey successfully debunks these last two claims not by discounting science but showing us the realization of faith. Faith that transcends belief systems as Toby is Jewish and he just so happens to the answer to the spoken prayers Hebrew scholar Vitale and the unspoken prayers of his Christian patron Signore Antonio. I enjoyed the way Ms. Rice wove together how love, faith and prayers of the righteous no matter if they are Jewish, Christian, Muslim, or any number of other beliefs practiced in our today’s world. God really does hear the cries of a broken desperate heart. Those prayers are answered, not necessarily in the manner we wish or want or even in our brief lifetimes nor has one particular religion or denomination cornered the market on God’s Love and Forgiveness.

As one who is not religious and rarely attends church this book made me rethink my position of approaching the world from only a critical, logical, scientific viewpoint. It kind of renewed the faith that lay dormant inside me and was crushed by life’s tragedies. I don’t know if this was Anne Rice’s intention when she wrote the book but much like Simon & Garfunkel’s famous song, “Bridge Over Troubled Water” it had an unforeseen spiritual impact that cannot be denied. Reading this brief novel, (it is only 171 pages) and my work in the museum is leading me on a research exploration of angels celestial and fallen, and the hidden or rejected books of the original or Catholic Bible known as the Apocrypha.

As I stated in a previous paragraph this book is open ended in that though Toby is redeemed by God and the Catholic Church he is not absolved by his victim’s families. One such family member catches up to Toby in the final chapter which will not be the final installment in the Seraphim series.

Book Review: Bitch is the new black by Helena Andrews


Book Review:

 

Bitch is the new black by Helena Andrews

Finally ended my suffering at Chapter 13. How appropriate.

First impressions. Ms. Andrews is crazy. Her stream of consciousness writing is akin to reading prose from a demented Valley Girl on a bad LSD trip.

The fact that she writes in some kind of secret code language for Black women in her age group or social strata was off-putting to say the least. I do like the fact that the chapters are presented as vignettes of her life story or rather life problems but that’s where it all ends for me.

Ms. Andrews book contains too many weird acronyms that my old fogey butt will never figure out, nor do I wish to do so. She would have done better to leave out the texts, twitters and tweets and just use plain English.

The only two things in the book I could really relate to were her experience with “the boss from hell” which we’ve all had and when she had an abortion at age 19.

She seems to blame or at least relate a good portion of her relationship problems to the fact that her mother is a lesbian and a bad parent.  She never seems to focus on the educational privileges she had as a child or relate her failed relationships to her nutty behavior and her inability to take responsibility for her own bad decisions. We could all play the dysfunctional family card. My mother was a functional schizophrenic but any failed relationships I had after the age of 18 were my own fault, not hers. After all once you are an adult you need to take ownership of your life and not blame your parents, childhood or external circumstances.

Part of Ms. Andrews problem is that she seems to be ruled by her hormones. Must you sleep with or arrange booty calls/texts with guys who you know don’t give a rat’s ass about you, your feelings and are poor candidates for marriage! Stop having sex! Get to know the guy first.  Being celibate won’t kill you and in the long run it will force you to be accountable for your actions.

Yes I love sex but I can wait for the right man.

Just because a guy makes your panties wet does not mean he will make a good life partner.

Sex partner perhaps, but not a life partner. 

Helena Andrews needs to sit down for a counseling session with Steve Harvey and watch documentaries on love, sex and relationships that are readily available on Netflix.

I have to admit I’m not a religious person nor am I one of those right-wing, Bible thumping Christians, but I do believe in God.

I’ve had several spiritual crisis but I always come back to God. I have to admit my parents were for the most part secular or what the church calls carnal Christians. However they did have a moral base and fairly conservative values which they transmitted to my brother and me.

Unlike Mom & Dad, Stephen and I have chosen to stick with the church but we don’t ram our beliefs down other’s throats nor do we believe that our faith has all the answers.

It does not matter whether you are Christian, Hindu, Buddhist, Muslim, etc..

But at least have faith in something greater than yourself.

Ms. Andrews purports or tries to position herself as an elitist making all these black bourgie statements and liaisons, however her mask cracks time and time again with each failure or challenge in her young life.

She is so cynical that her satirical style reveals a deep self-hatred.

 She is desperately in need of some spiritual guidance.  She seems to have little value or worth for herself as a woman or even as a human. Ms. Andrews also needs to try getting some new friends. As the expression goes, “If you lay down with dogs, you’ll get up with fleas!”

Cloisters — Castle of Torture


Cloisters – Castle of Torture

After suffering blows to my head, face and body from a fierce thrashing the night before, I awoke to utter darkness permeated only by a shaft of light coming from a small window high above my head. I attempted to move my arms and legs only to find that I was shackled to a contraption that can only be described as a type of restraining hospital bed found in mental institutions.

Realizing the severity of my situation my muddled mind sought clarity; my first coherent thoughts were, “Why and how did I get to this place; where was I and how can escape. Gradually my eyes became accustomed to the limited light and since the bed was at an angle I could discern implements of upcoming torture, my torment that would be inflicted upon me if I did not escape or was not rescued.

Heavy measured footsteps approached and I could discern the voices of my captors. The door to the torture chamber opened and my persecutors became visible.  They were Dagmar and Agra.

 The underbelly of the castle where I was held against my will was actually a building reconstructed in the 1920’s from the elements of several European medieval abbeys. The upper portion where through which troops of tourists slogged five days a week was used to exhibit art and architecture from Medieval Europe. It had been disassembled brick by brick from five French abbeys in 1910 but was not reassembled in Alexandria, Egypt until 1922 due to the brief interruption of WWI.

The surviving expatriate doughboys put down their British Enfield Rifles taking ups spades, hoes and rakes, landscaping the area surrounding the castle with beautiful gardens belying the horrors committed within. Alexandria, the second largest city in Egypt is known as “The Pearl of the Mediterranean but we were assigned to the underbelly or rather the armpit of the city.

More bohemian than Mohamedan the backstreets echoed every type of sin known to modern man. Alexandrian subculture housed every deviant temptation that satan’s demons could offer and then some.

Initially my arrival on a curatorial artistic mission seemed like the ultimate adventure for a newly anointed Assistant Curator of European Sculpture and Decorative Arts. Our operatives in sister museums in London and Cairo had informed me that there were fantastic artifacts and relics to be scavenged from Alexandria itself as well as my alternate mission to arrange loan of curiosities from the National Museum of Alexandria and my cultural institution.

I and the Research Director for European Art Conservation made the trip from New York to Alexandria. Stepping from the filthy foul smelling streets we were ushered into exotic elaborately decorated quarters decorated with expensive Persian rugs, medieval tapestries, silk draperies hung upon windowless walls, tables adorned with Tiffany lamps. A subtle scent of incense permeated the airways.

The decorations seemed incongruous yet harmonized together in an irregular yet pleasing manner. Palatial taste a bit ostentatious like a Renaissance bordello. The furnishings were highly articulated and faceted Baroque/Rococo objects, many with deep gouges and gashes suggesting transparency and interior penetration. This room and much of the house as well as the street urchins who passed through seemed to us an Orientalist fantasy.

At the far end of the living room hung a painting of a Minotaur raping a woman, this predilection of things to come. Within this underworld in the Gumrok district known to westerners as the Turkish district we met our sardonic intermediary, who unbeknownst to us dabbled in white slavery, the mirthless dwarf called, Apep Angra Mainyu aka “The Snake”.

Angra had the face of Peter Lorre and the heft and bulk of a miniaturized Sidney Greenstreet. Apep Angra was scurrilous and scrofulous. His rough skin was spotted with scabies and his body emitted a sepulchral odor.

Angra’s manciple Alva Ahriman was the bodily opposite of his master. Ahriman was six feet tall of bulging muscles, narrow waist and sculpted buttocks. His lack of moral fiber and somewhat limited intellectual faculties innate in most normal human personalities could be easily perceived in his cranial structure and his overall physiognomy. The shock of wild reddish brown hair closely cut on the sides of the head, the high sloping forehead, prominent brow ridges, receding nostrils and thin lips, these features put one in mind of a simian head attached to the body of Atlas.

Alva’s nature embodied the seven deadly sins from head to foot. Despite stunted academic capabilities that could be called into question, Alva had been well trained by Angra and daily attempted to enhance what little he had been granted through unholy experimentation by careful observation of Angra’s hidden lifestyle and techniques.

 Alva’s bedchambers which were divided into three sections one being the actual room where he slept on an ornate Italian Renaissance canopy bed replete with seraphim, cherubim, and putti on the ceiling looking down seemingly blessing the lewd acts committed in that bed. However outside of Angra, the conservator and myself and the poor unfortunate girls who had the bad fortune to see this mockery of sex and religion, Alva barred even the household servants from entering that portion of his rooms.

In fact he took responsibility for cleaning his quarters and putting outside the door soiled bed sheets and remnants of any meals partaken within. Upon entrance it at first resembled an Italian studiolo. Scholarly books that he never read, save those dealing with what he felt was the “new science of photography” lined the bookshelves along the walls.

There was a collection of opera records beside the Victrola, which he played incessantly even during he was engaged in some vile sexual act with any of the young girls that came to the bawdy house. In fact during those escapades the music became louder more than likely to mask his grunts and groans plus those of his victims. Angra seeing how fascinated Alva was with photography gifted him with an old fashioned camera and outfitted the third segment of Alva’s rooms with a photography studio and darkroom.

Alva was creative in the sense that he stole items from the main bordello in order to outfit his photo studio into period pieces where he photographed the girls before he had sex with them. After developing the pictures he would catalogue each prize in a book complete with a name he gave her in addition to her measurements and any outstanding physical features. The girls were pretty much always naked save for sparse clothing items that Alva felt made superior her breasts, buttocks or genital area.

Alva often requested and received more than one girl from the bordello and had them pleasure each other in the pictures while he shot them in various poses. Another one of Alva’s prized possessions in addition to his camera was his stereopticon or “magic lantern” in which his bevy of beauties were preserved for eternity on slides which at first Alva just arranged randomly but over time he began to place the slides in logical order to create pornographic narratives. The stereopticon was for his personal pleasure but even that proved not enough and eventually Alva convinced Angra to give him rudimentary film equipment that he rigged up next to his bed to document his demented exploits with the accursed young women.

Often while Alva was arranging the photos in his scrapbook or creating slides from them for the stereopticon he would play his favorite three operas from Richard Wagner; The Valkyrie,Tristan und Isolde and Parsifal.

Little did I realize before making my ill-fated trip that the conservator had an unholy alliance with Angra who becoming dissatisfied with the typical young maidens normally lured to this Moroccan bordello and now wanted a woman of higher intelligence and learning to take part in the sex slave trade initiated by Dagmar the enchantress who operated behind the scenes funding this illicit operation.

Dagmar who served as Angra’s personal secretary lulling me into a false sense of sense of security by creating a safety zone, escorting myself and the conservator around the city, accompanying me to in progress archeological and to student academic trainings at the local university for the first three weeks of my assignment.

I was feted, perfumed and outfitted like the odalisques in Orientalist paintings from centuries past. Then the ordeals began. By the time the fourth week of my stay began, I noticed many young women pass through the heathen portals and I began to question the nonstop exodus of young improverished women.

 Dagmar and Angra put off my entries by saying that these young women were just student anthropology interns from the University there to make us of Angra’s extensive library and study center.

Angra’s home was a labyrinth of tunnels, hidden passages and chambers; doors leading into rarely used rooms. One day I discovered a secret room that adjoined the cellar where Alva committed various atrocities upon the female victims imprisoned therein.

All Angra’s and Alva’s sexual exploits were taped, transcribed to disc and catalogued for further warped enjoyment by this evil duo when victims were not readily available.

Housed in Angra’s cellar were separate quarters for the miscreants created by Dagmar. Xenotranstology. This meant her area of scientific expertise could best be described as trans-species genetic engineering.

Dagmar capitalized on genetic mutations to form species normally outside the realm of human thought or natural existence.

One such hideous creature very much resembled the Minotaur in the living room painting. His bovine features did have some human qualities but his hindquarters from the knees down were hooves. He emitted a horrible musky order a sign that he was in musk. The first victim had to endure his febrile couplings for hours.

Once selected from the harem the victim was doused with pheromones and thrown naked into the enclosure to be sexually devoured by the beast. Though horrified I was transfixed as I watched through a panel in the door that separated the adjoining rooms, as the beast entered her again and again, from behind and on top forcing her legs into an unnatural position above and over her head almost beyond the bounds of flexibility. She screamed in agony as his organ nearly ripped her apart. His thrusting seemed endless and ineluctable. His clawed hands dug into the tender skin on her breasts, squeezing, fondling, and sucking almost pulling them from her body. Finally satiated he grunted, released his grip on her and cast her to the other side of the containment cell.

The unfortunate woman was pulled from the containment cell and sent  back to the women’s quarters to recover as best she could. At the finality of this exercise in debasement I uttered an audible gasp heard by the Minotaur. He caught my scent and hurled himself against his enclosure calling attention to my heretofore unseen presence.

I was quickly captured by Angra and Alva and beaten senseless only to awake hours later in another secret dungeon located in the bowels of the castle. Dagmar looked at my bruised and battered face but pronounced me well enough for the next step in her repugnant experiment.

The medieval hospital bed was being elevated into a semi-sitting position and an IV attached to my manacled left arm. Slowly an intravenous solution dripped into my veins as I watched powerlessly.

Next as I drifted into a hallucinatory sleep I felt my upper body being lowered and my legs were briefly released from their bonds only to be secured into a gynecological position and a speculum forcibly thrust between my legs. I could feel a warm solution being injected into my cervix.

All the while Angra laughed at this “entertainment” this “sport” as he called it. Watching it was like theatrical pornography for him, making this severed half man lustful himself. Like every sexual encounter that went on in this house of horrors the proceedings of mutant/human couplings were taped to be later used for singular or mutual masturbation with one any woman unfortunate enough to be held captive.

Many of the young females were forced to give Angra and his manservant oral succor. Dagmar reasoned if she injected the sperm of mutant males into human ovum, brought them to embryo form under specific sterile conditions and implanted them into human wombs to complete gestation they would live. Not just live but be the embodiment of all her twisted desires.

 After the ghastly trial I was once again chained, caged then shipped out on the next vessel bound for Felicite one of the many islands that comprise the Seychelles. This picturesque and steep granitic island was a coconut plantation up to the 1970s and supported a population of some fifty people. In the late 19th century, Felicite was home to many colorful exiles, most of whom spent five years on the island before moving to the big island of Mahe.

Arriving in port I was blindfolded and transported to an unknown destination. Once we arrived at our destination the blindfold was removed, my eyes stung from the sudden infusion of daylight. I hobbled out of the carriage into what was once a monastery built long ago by missionaries to the island.

A grand foyer flanked by two long hallways of Byzantine art leading into Medieval Sculpture Hall filled with statues of Madonnas, Catholic Saints and Mystics, Relics, and tombs from Egypt, Europe, Greece, Cyprus and South America. Each international tomb had a goddess from the respective ancient culture at the head and foot of the sarcophagus. Venturing further into the monastery subterranean chambers were overturned ossuaries, bones bleached white scattered throughout the tombs.

Alva arrived at the castle shortly after my delivery to receive his gift. Like the unfortunate whose desecration I had witnessed and brought me to my current situation I was doused with pheromones designed to further ignite Alva’s evil desires.

Something within my soul, my innermost being was inflamed and I became a Pantheress released from her imprisonment spitting, hissing, biting and scratching Alva’s face and body as he attempted to force me into submission.

My violent outrage increased his desire for me. When he tried to enter my writhing twisting body I attacked him at every turn, frustrating his deranged wishes for unnatural copulation. I felt my bones cracking and growing with razor sharp claws suddenly extending from my elongated fingers. Alva’s fevered groping became epileptic as I slashed into his exposed skin.

We separated, rolled on the floor, he enraptured with convulsions caused by a sexual epiphany, I with a hate and vengeance exhibited only by a corner feline fighting for its life and dignity.

With the strength of a Tigress I impaled Alva with my claws, lifted him high overhead running over to the fountain just outside the hall and threw him into water whose source was an underground active geyser boiling his flesh in then depositing it upon ancient tapestries depicting holy stories.

Deftly I broke open Alva’s steaming chest cavity, tore out his still beating heart and consumed it with triumphal relish. At that moment I experienced desire transported me to another realm more satisfying than conjugal bliss. My body was seized with orgasms as the blood from his torn flesh ran down my face over my now feline transformed female body.

The faces of the sculptures lit up with a bright pink or red radiance that seemed to eminent from within their stone hearts. Catholic mystics glowered lecherously at the woman envious of the woman/beast.

Gregorian chants, dirges and cries for absolution filled the room along with the intensity of the ultimate mating. Agra who had come to watch the proceedings was aghast with horror however Dagmar just smiled a sweet sardonic smirk well knowing that within that previous night’s IV solution was a serum designed to transform me into a feline/human hybrid empowered with preternatural strengths and powers coupled with character and cerebral flaws yet to be unmasked only through time and observation under somewhat controlled circumstances.

Agra turned to his boss and superior timidly asking, “Why?” Dagmar spoke of her scientific art thusly, “From ancient times we have all heard the ancestral tales of fauns, satyrs, centaurs, even the abomination of werewolves. Heretofore modern science has considered all these human/animal combinations to be mythical in basis; however I using the latest gene therapy techniques have been able to splice human and animal DNA to create creatures normally reserved for fairy tales.” Using the humble Petri dish along with centrifugal force I have opened the portal that once allowed only God and/or Evolution, whichever one you desire to believe to imbue new species with life. Not only life but to give the better powers and forces of intermixed species with the human line being naturally dominant.” “Using artificial insemination of male/female gonads I’ve been able to speed, contrast and reconstruct the evolutionary process with some limited success. To date your manservant Alva, whom I lent you for a time had been my greatest treasure and prize.

Unfortunately the females I created through my innovative processes are not only sterile but dwarfs unable to mate neither with the created virile males nor of any use in other ways. I soon realized that I was using inferior female stock however when she came with her superior intellect and bearing I knew I had hit upon success.”

With a quick turn of her dainty heel Dagmar, she of the fiery red hair; pale translucent skin with hints of ochre undertones; luminous green eyes; and full ruby red lips left the room. Angra was left to dispose of what was left of his former manservant, co-conspirator and friend.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!

 Pinky: “Gee, Brain, what do you want to do tonight?”

The Brain: “The same thing we do every night, Pinky—try to take over the world!”

Nicole Paultre Bell


Nicole Paultre Bell

Nicole Paultre Bell and children
Nicole Paultre Bell and her Children

Yesterday evening I had the opportunity to meet Nicole Paultre Bell.  For those of you not from New York, Nicole is the widow of Sean Bell who was shot to death by the police the day of their wedding in 2006.  Though the police were acquitted, Ms. Bell recently won a civil suit and was awarded $3.25 million for the couple’s two children.  Vindication if not justice.

Usually I don’t answer my door in the evenings but I figured it may be the UPS with a package so I called out who’s there and Ms. Bell’s small voice rang out clear and true. Nicole is running for City Council District 28, the seat was made vacant by the death of Mr. Thomas White this summer. I opened my door to a petite smiling young woman full of charisma and charm.

Normally political candidates, even the Black ones, don’t impress me at all.  I’m not an “Endorser of most folks I see running for political office, especially the charlatans and conmen within my own community.  I can count the ones who made a positive impression on me on one hand; Shirley Chisholm, 1972, Jesse Jackson, 1984, and of course President Barack Obama, 2008.  However just our brief ten minute conversation at my door and I was intrigued by this young widow who could have remained in victim status but despite not having experience in political office has decided to throw her hat in the ring and go for it.  Even though like every Southeast Queens resident I knew the particulars of her case I was moved by the fact Nicole goes on, moves forward even through tragedy and grief.  She chose not to wallow in what happened to her beloved fiancé.

It’s not so much what was said during our conversation but how she presented herself.  What words would I use to describe meeting with and speaking to Nicole Paultre Bell; heart, gumption, spunk, confidence, knowledgeable.  As for the criticisms that she doesn’t have a track record of experience, well neither did Rep. Carolyn McCarthy (D-Long Island), who was prompted to run for political office after her husband was killed and her son injured by a gunman on the LIRR.  Maybe we need someone young, fresh and a bit idealistic who has not been corrupted by the system and who is not part of the current political machine.

Also Nicole Paultre Bell is only 26.  This young woman could easily have been my daughter, her children my grandchildren.  I’m amazed by the poise and grace of this young woman and Nicole Paultre Bell has my vote. Who knows folks we may be looking at the next Shirley Anita St. Hill Chisholm.  From small beginnings come great things.