Pharmacia Cornucopia


Pharmacia Cornucopia

Alice’s Restaurant

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LjKF7aQthcQ&feature=colike

Like the words of the famous song Alice’s Restaurant today’s prescription drug addict “You can get anything you want at Alice’s Restaurant”. Why risk getting arrested and possibly spending any time in jail when you can go to a variety of doctors and easily get prescriptions for Xanax, Celexa, Zyprexa, Ambien, Wellbutrin, Zoloft, Paxil, Oxycotin, etc…..  After all it’s legal.

Go Ask Alice

White Rabbit ☮ Jefferson Airplane ♥ 1967

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IsvILKyxfsU&feature=colike

Thanks to our pill cure obsessed society along with the greed of Big Pharma who consistently bribes most physicians to distribute their pills like they were M&Ms in the Candy Shop to unsuspecting patients who need relief from pain, anxiety and depression.  Very few people are suffering from psychosis which most of the aforementioned drugs are designed to treat.

How do I know this? I am a recovering prescription drug addict. Shocked? Surprised?  Never would have suspected someone like me right? A church goer, Bible student, Cum Laude College graduate, hard worker, one who has always been able to hold down a job and be success in the workplace. Well now you know. I’ve come out from behind my mask. The mask I’ve been hiding behind since 1999 the year after my Mom Mable Palmer passed away.  Nineteen Ninety Nine was the pivotal year when I made my descent down the rabbit hole of grief, depression, anxiety and pressure to get past the pain of my parents deaths which occurred within three years of each other.  I had to keep the charade going. I could never reveal to anyone how really devastated I was by their untimely loss.

Nineteen Ninety Nine was the year I started seeing a psychiatrist. It started off well enough. At least I thought so in my troubled mind. She had me watch a video on mental illness, specifically bi-polar disorder, asked me a few questions then sent me into a journey and eventually a slide into the land of Happy Pills.  What I probably most needed was a mild sedative and extensive talk therapy but no I received Celexa and eventually was promoted to stronger more debilitating prescription drugs.

Mind you because at the time I had a good job and good health insurance there was no problem in me obtaining in number or manner of pills to satisfy my growing reliance on these medications.  In fact my doctor enabled me by reaching into one of her office drawers and dispensing free pills she had obtained from the many pharmaceutical agents who visited her offices, and most likely plied her with dinners, trips, etc…. if she would promote their “medications”.

What Dr. Pill Happy failed to ask me was if anyone in my family specifically my parents had any addictions.  If she had asked me that I would have told her my mother was diagnosed with schizophrenia and was an alcoholic most of her adult life.  But then again who knows, given the fact that the Big Pharma Drug Pushers were greasing her palms she would have ignored the obvious connection between my behavior and my mother’s and continued adult candy.  Then again I can’t just blame this doctor, most doctors just indiscriminately dispense mind altering pills with little regard as to whether this will cause adverse reactions’ in their patients.  I also blame myself.  I wanted the pain to go away.  I wanted to be ten feet tall all the time.

The only thing that stopped my downward slide was I lost my job in 2006 and my health benefits in 2007. Suddenly I had to confront the ugliness in my life and everything I hated about me.  I couldn’t hide anymore.  Not that I didn’t try. By 2008 I had a new job with its own particular stresses and pressures.

To bring this saga up to date within the last few years I’ve developed severe back, knee and foot pain. My current profession requires me to be on my feet over eight hours a day and the natural ravages of age and time have taken their toll on the lower half of my body.  Many times the pain was so bad I couldn’t get out of bed to accomplish simple housework much less stand on my feet for eight hours.  Not only was I taking medicine to combat pain I also had to take sleeping pills so I could at least get enough rest to deal with the daily challenges of the workplace.  I was going to different doctors getting various prescriptions for physical pain.  I took all my prescriptions’ to the same pharmacy. It would seem a large chain pharmacy would see that the combination of drugs I was taking would cause certain negative interactions within my body.  They didn’t.  At least once or twice within the last four years I nearly lost my life.

Finally I told myself I must climb out of the rabbit hole.  I might be ten feet tall outside but inside I felt only two inches tall.   I hurt not only physically but emotionally and mentally. The poison that I tried to suppress inside began to seep out.  I knew I couldn’t hide behind the mask anymore.  My problems lay not just with my parents’ deaths but with sexual abuse I suffered from the time I was 19 up to and including all the sexually abusive relationships I had been in until I was 48.  Now I’m in the process of confronting my fears.  This is not an easy journey.  I’m in my 50s now.  Life has definitely changed and not always for the better but change is the only constant in life.  I’ve had to make many adjustments and accept my physical limitations.  I may fall off the wagon during my journey but nobody’s perfect.  But whether or not I have the mercy and compassion of people is neither here nor there.  Most of all I have God’s mercy.  I have God’s compassion because He knows what I’m going through.  God has not judged me for mood swings or depression.  This is an illness and I know when I get too tired to go on anymore God in His infinite mercy and wisdom will take me Home to Paradise.

I also knew I had to write this piece clean and sober. My Valentine’s Day piece was written while I was spaced out on Ambien. Strangely this piece was very well received. I mean I got a lot of great feedback from LinkedIn, Facebook & Twitter fans. At the same time all the adulation was scary because I knew I could continue as a functioning drug addict or I could make a clean break. As a chronic insomniac Ambien is a very difficult drug to break free from. Taken in its proper dosage you sleep. However take two pills instead of one your body sleeps but your subconscious is still awake, still able to function. In a psychedelic way Ambien has an effect of enhancing talents already residing within you but at the same time with the capacity to kill you.  Obviously I don’t want to die but I do want to obliterate the emotional and psychological pain that threatens to rip apart my very soul. But the realization comes that pain can never be totally erased only dealt with on day by day basis. Small doses of healing dispensed over time.

No matter what I have fulfilled my purpose in life because I share this story with others, not for you to understand me but to at least have understanding and empathy others struggling along the rocky path of prescription addiction.

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Love is a many convoluted twisted turned upside down enigmas & Paradox


Many female legs responding to my erotica stories on Leda Huguette. The leggs in the forefront wish to befriend me. Along with the set of legs on both sides of yellow sister are going to develop wings on their feet and shoulders whereby I can climb up and fly away. We would all lay and caress for hours until a moan escaped and we’d have an excuse to clothe ourselves once more.

Legs of the Rainbow
Rainbow Leggs

 

However before such fleet footed appendages appear at their ankles and upon their shoulder blades I tell them there is more way more in underground New York City that they must see.  After plying with some of the most perfect Raki ever drunk in Turkey or the rest of Eastern Europe it doesn’t take much convincing on my part that the Troll Market was a must see in terms of underworld tourist sites.

Lilith meet us in Ankara through the bustling city streets and into the building where she and Dagmar labored insensibly through the day. In Ankara officials were often willing to over look necessary paperwork and allowed other documents not as urgently need to be stamped and passed through the never ending red tape.

Abstract Expression

Dagmar and me around her rather crowded but well organized laboratory. The results of all her experiments were catalogued and contained within glass jars abodes. Encased in one small silicate abode was a petite ballerina, her silk tutu just a bit longer than normal but still short enough that one could see the hair extending over her tiny delicate hooves. She performed an elegant pirouette to Pachelbel’s “Canon in D Major”. Each hoof nail was painted a bright pastel pink further enhancing her feminine qualities which could have been overshadowed by her animal lower half.

Expressing the Proposal
The Proposal

 

Stepping from the filthy foul smelling streets we were ushered into exotic elaborately decorated quarters decorated with expensive Persian rugs, medieval tapestries, silk draperies hung upon windowless walls, tables adorned with Tiffany lamps. A subtle scent of incense permeated the airways. The decorations seemed incongruous yet harmonized together in an irregular yet pleasing manner. Palatial taste a bit ostentatious like a Renaissance bordello. The furnishings were highly articulated and faceted Baroque/Rococo objects, many with deep gouges and gashes suggesting transparency and interior penetration. This room and much of the house as well as the street urchins who passed through seemed to us an Orientalist fantasy. At the far end of the living room hung a painting of a Minotaur raping a woman, this predilection of things to come.

 

Within this underworld in the Gumrok district known to westerners as the Expatriate district we met our sardonic intermediary in sex slave trade, the mirthless dwarf called,

Apep Angra Mainyu aka “The Snake”. Angra had the face of Peter Lorre and the heft and bulk of a miniaturized Sidney Greenstreet. Apep Angra was scurrilous and scrofulous. His rough skin was spotted with scabies and his body emitted a sepulchral odor.

 Angra’s manciple Alva Ahriman was the bodily opposite of his master. Ahriman was six feet tall of bulging muscles, narrow waist and sculpted buttocks. His lack of moral fiber and somewhat limited intellectual faculties innate in most normal human personalities could be easily perceived in his cranial structure and his overall physiognomy. The shock of wild reddish brown hair closely cut on the sides of the head, the high sloping forehead, prominent brow ridges, receding nostrils and thin lips, these features put one in mind of a simian head attached to the body of Atlas. Alva’s nature embodied the seven deadly sins from head to foot.

Passing Through the Red
Passing Through the RED

 Despite stunted academic capabilities that could be called into question, Alva had been well trained by Angra and daily attempted to enhance what little he had been granted through unholy experimentation by careful observation of Angra’s hidden lifestyle and techniques. Alva’s bedchambers which were divided into three sections one being the actual room where he slept on an ornate Italian Renaissance canopy bed replete with seraphim, cherubim, and putti on the ceiling looking down seemingly blessing the lewd acts committed in that bed.

 However outside of Angra, my wife and myself and the poor unfortunate girls who had the bad fortune to see this mockery of sex and religion, Alva barred even the household servants from entering that portion of his rooms. In fact he took responsibility for cleaning his quarters and putting outside the door soiled bed sheets and remnants of any meals partaken within. Upon entrance it at first resembled an Italian studiolo. Scholarly books that he never read, save those dealing with what he felt was the “new science of photography” lined the bookshelves along the walls. There was a collection of opera records beside the Victrola, which he played incessantly even during he was engaged in some vile sexual act with any of the young girls that came to the bawdy house.  In fact during those escapades the music became louder more than likely to mask his grunts and groans plus those of his victims.

 Angra seeing how fascinated Alva was with photography gifted him with camera and outfitted the third segment of Alva’s rooms with a photography studio and darkroom. Alva was creative in the sense that he stole items from the main bordello in order to outfit his photo studio into period pieces where he photographed the girls before he had sex with them. After developing the pictures he would catalogue each prize in a book complete with a name he gave her in addition to her measurements and any outstanding physical features. The girls were pretty much always naked save for sparse clothing items that Alva felt made superior her breasts, buttocks or genital area. Alva often requested and received more than one girl from the bordello and had them pleasure each other in the pictures while he shot them in various poses.

 

Cords
Fringes

 

Another one of Alva’s prized possessions in addition to his camera was his stereopticon or “magic lantern” in which his bevy of beauties were preserved for eternity on slides which at first Alva just arranged randomly but over time he began to place the slides in logical order to create pornographic narratives. The stereopticon was for his personal pleasure but even that proved not enough and eventually Alva convinced Angra to give him rudimentary film equipment that he rigged up next to his bed to document his demented exploits with the accursed young women.

 

 Often while Alva was arranging the photos in his scrapbook or creating slides from them for the stereopticon he would play his favorite three operas from Richard Wagner; The Valkyrie,Tristan und Isolde and Parsifal. Later these same three operas would be piped into the castle during Alva’s unholy alliances with Leonara and later, much later the blessed houri Evie.

In time while exploring the lower portions of the house we found a sealed entry way through which we could hear the sounds of a type of market. We decided to get a guy name Psycho Kinesis to open that door, the door that would reveal an alternate universe we had been searching for so long. 

Swimming Sushi
Zombie Sushi

At first Big Red wants to try his door opening method which is smashing the door in by brute force. Red tries and it doesn’t work only leaving him with a very sore cut up fist.  Next one in our group Captain Nebulizer  where he just released the latest in technology.  Smoke ascended out of his uniform but in a structured manner only waiting to here the orders emanating from his lips. The ether obeyed — a series of locks were undone and a large doorway swung open to a scene that I only remembered from the bar scene in Star Wars but much more grungy.

The Troll Market opens out from Ankara into it current location under the Brooklyn Bridge. It is revealed to be a veritable bacchanalia of mythological, fantasy, and supernatural creatures from all over the world, mainly attracting dragons. The Troll market is the living proof of extraterrestrial/human evolution. On the other end of it is a Dive bar where human evolution coupled with Abstract Expression gave birth to foreverlazy.com

 

In the back of the club Mr. Magoo lead the way being followed by the others.Patsy Cline, Barry White, Luther Vandross, Aailyah, Missy Elliot, The LeVerts, Mary J. Blige, Sammy Davis Jr. all got together to sing Beautiful Freaks — http://www.jango.com/stations/28

Confined Man
Confind Man

When the Valentines Day party got into the groove along came Iceberg Slim, Ralph Ellison,

 Ralph Ellison, Eldridge Cleaver’s, and Huey Newton.  They all kinda sat to the side discussing the next uprising in the community. Or maybe the next university Ho U.

 

 

Beautiful Freaks

 

http://www.jango.com/stations/283121413/tunein

But I’m a beautiful freak with a heart shaped butt that Eiko can’t stop caressing, touching and hugging. Eiko swears she going to immortalize by my ass in stone and call it the Great BaDonkadonk. My BaDonkadonk would be a national treasure wining awards and accolades worldwide from fitness gurus and the most prefect ass ever.


 

 

 

Musings of an Eisenhower Baby


Musings of an Eisenhower Baby

What it is. What it is, to those of you born during the Eisenhower and Kennedy administrations. Kindred spirits, for us the sands of time are running through the hourglass at an accelerated rate with no outstretched hand to turn it over and begin anew. Not enough time. Time is running out.

Me and Baby Bro' 1961
DeBorah & Stephen 1961

Walk Down Memory Lane

Rotary Dial Phones – especially the Pink Princess phone in my parents’ bedroom

Transistor Radios — portable and cool

S&H Green Stamps — Too much licking and sticking

Drive-In Movies — Dr. Zhivago

Ed Sullivan — I only really recall the little mouse Topo Gigo

Mitch Miller — Everyone in my neighborhood watched just to see Leslie Uggams.

Lawrence Welk – hated him, but my parents loved him so I had to watch

1964 World’s Fair – My Dad took me and all I remember is the animatronics Abraham Lincoln

Records: 78s, 33 1/3rds, 45s

RCA Magnavox TV with the tubes

Walter Cronkite

Huntley/Brinkley

Ralph Kiner and Lindsey Nelson

Johnny Carson, Steve Allen, The Jackie Gleason Show, The Alfred Hitchcock Show, The Million Dollar Movie, The Twilight Zone, One Step Beyond

St. Josephs Asprin for Children

Fletchers Castoria

 Rheingold Beer

Schaffer Beer

Yes I do remember the jingles that went with both beers. No my parents did not allow me to partake.

 Wattstax

 The Automat – Through the small glass displays you’d choose your food selection and put in your quarter for a tasty meal. My Dad used to take me there all the time.

But with the passage of time and golden memories comes the passing of friends, family & co-workers who left way too soon while only in their 40s, 50s & 60s. I hate to pick up the phone or read my messages on Facebook for fear of hearing about another death. A close girlfriend from my previous job died last year of a massive heart attack at age 51 leaving behind her husband and three children. That scared and upset me so badly.

I had my own brush with death at age 49 on Nov. 7, 2008. My blood pressure had shot up to nearly 200 on both the upper and lower numbers. I had the worst headache of my life and I lost sight in my left eye. As I lay in the emergency room on that gurney my life literally passed before my eyes. The damage to my vision was so bad that I was blind in my left eye until I had retina surgery Jan. 2010. Some of my vision was restored but I will never be able to see the way I used to. Had to give up driving. There went some of my youthful freedoms.

I always thought time was on my side. Never thought I would become ill or disabled, however my DNA laughed at me. The very things my parents had that caused them to die in their mid-60s caught up to me and my brother. Genetics makes you reevaluate everything; past, present and future. When I turned 50 in 2009 I realized I had lived more than half my life and wasn’t going to live another 50 years.  That’s when the race against time began.

Since I do have a chronic illness and suffer from chronic pain, there is definitely a sense of urgency to get everything done before these diseases snuff out my life. In order to accomplish my goals I’ve had to make critical changes in my lifestyle. I must watch what I eat, stay away from negative people, stand up for myself, and get my priorities in order. I’ve been fortunate in that my family came to live with me last year. I finally had to admit I couldn’t do certain activities on my own anymore and needed help. That’s another revelation, admit you need help and go get the help. Too much pride will kill you.

We Eisenhower and Kennedy babies have said countless Goodbyes to our parents, the Greatest Generation. That wonderful generation prior to ours who suffered through the Great Depression, WWII, the Korean Conflict, and Jim Crow to pave the way for us to have opportunities they could only dream about.

Now we pick up the banner and hopefully pave the way for the Millennials who are the future while still reaching forth for our hopes, dreams, & goals. Children born in the 50s & 60s raise your bottles of L’Oreal and Clairol high; and to paraphrase the 5th Dimension Let’s enter into the Age of Aquarius while flying Up, Up, & Away in our Beautiful Balloons!!

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Souls Intertwined


Souls Intertwined

Today is the day we graduate from the school of hard knocks, cast aside fear and tell that special someone we Love them.  Life is short, so let us break free from the prison of fear and hold tight to those who love us.  Now is the time for hugs & kisses.  Now is the time for consummation of a love long sought & desired.  My beloved Dad had a saying, “He who hesitates is lost”.  How long will we deny the Blessing that God has put before us afraid to take that leap of faith?  Only realizing our mistake when you see God’s blessing in another’s arms.

My girlfriend’s death has made me more serious about my relationship with God and with people.  It’s time for me to stop being afraid to share my feelings with those I love be they family or friends.  The love of money and material things is the root of loneliness.  Can we put our arms around money?  Can it hug us and speak life to us in times of despair?  Will money warm our beds at night? Will money celebrate our joys and comfort us in times of grief. No.  Only another human being can do that.  So what are we all waiting for? What is our relationship with God but our lives shared and intertwined.

The Awakening has come!  Our Redeemer has come and we are saved.

We’ve through off the yoke of suppression!  Our souls begin to arise and join one another in complete harmony.  Exalting with each soulful eye gaze. Lips grazing up cheeks.  Smooth manicured brown hands imbuing the memory facial feature. Long narrow fingers playing my body like an instrument.

Love and Joy are the rays of light at the end of a dark and winding roadway. Joy overcomes our sorrow with the promise of a rainbow after the storm.

Soapbox — Thoughts on the Older Woman


Today’s Soap Box — Thursday, July 15, 2010

Thoughts on the Older Woman

 I feel women over a certain age are marginalized in this society. It seems once you reach 40 then 50+ women especially Black Women are expected to fit into preconceived categories regarding looks, behavior and expectations. The women on my job in particular the younger women in their 20s and 30s and some of the Europeans seem to be shocked that at 51 I still have dreams, goals, aspirations and desires akin to theirs. Of course the white women are always asking me what I do to my face that I have no wrinkles and lines. My answer, “Good Black Don’t Crack!”  I’ll never need Botox, Restylane®, collagen or a facelift.

I think young people either expect you to be dried up and half dead or a throwback to the 60s, hence my nickname by one young white girl, “Soul Patrol”. Other than the physical ailments that naturally come with middle age my mind is still has the focus of a 25 -35 yr old but with the wisdom that comes with getting older. The young folks don’t realize it but I have the advantage over them. I’ve already made all the stupid mistakes, so now my goals are clear I just have to find ways of making my dreams come true. Not that I won’t have a few detours, in my case romantic detours but my eyes are on the prize because I no longer worry about whether I’ll marry or have children. Yes I desire a life partner/soul mate but I’m ambivalent about marriage and long past childbearing ability. Right now I enjoy dating and even as the birthdays keep coming I’ve never had too many problems attracting a man. Most intelligent mature men want a woman who is in good shape, has a sense of humor and is his intellectual equal, not a bubblehead.

Another attitude towards 40+ women I find very disturbing is what men in my age group think about in regards to dating. I had a conversation with one of my supervisors who claims he is 55. He’s depressed because women in their 20s and 30s no longer look at him as they did when he was younger. His reasons for wanting very young women are they everything on them is firmer and in good shape and he feels older men make better lovers. I pointed out to him that many women in their 20s and 30s are in terrible shape thanks to the fast food industry and a serious lack of exercise and also that for some men by the time they reach their 50s they need Viagra. He claims he does not need this.  Also he’s flabby himself and could stand to lose weight and firm up! What a hypocrite! However this particular supervisor is known to be a horn dog and word in the Ladies locker room is that he can get it up but can’t make it last. Also it never seems to occur to these 50+ men that younger women only date them for money, power, authority, position or status and when they find those qualities in a man closer to their own age they will leave that old bastard!  After all most young women want a contemporary so they can marry and have children. If you marry someone twenty years older than you, they will either croak in a few years or you’ll be their nurse as well as their wife.  Realistically you need someone you can build a life with, not someone who is old enough to be your Father!

No I’m not a proponent of this new age philosophy that 40 is the new 30 or 50 is the new 40. Fifty is 50 and forty is 40. There are some days when I get out of bed I feel like I’m 25 and other days like 95.  However because I never smoked, did drugs, only drank socially and adjusted my diet as I got older I’m proud to say that my exterior looks pretty darned good!  Personally I see myself staying in this condition for another twenty years God willing.

My Aunt Helen who recently transitioned at age 89 used to say to me when she turned 80, DeBorah what is 80? What does that number mean? Does it mean that you should stop doing some of the same things you did at 40? Go sit in a rocking chair and go live in a retirement community? Her answer was always No. Aunt Helen loved to tell jokes, attend family parties and church functions, sing, dance, and enjoy life until she became ill. Now she is singing, dancing and playing her violin in Heaven keeping the Angels and my other family members on their toes!

I want to be like Aunt Helen with that spirit and zest for life. I believe that in many ways I am like her only my drumbeat and pathway are slightly different. Ladies, age ain’t nothing but a number.