Brooklyn Redux Remix


Brooklyn Go Hard Morning ~ Raunchy, gritty, grungy, hardcore, dirty, filthy, artsy-craftsy, petal soft primal woodsy, wild. Designer baby strollers, Citi-Bike riders, health food buyers, vegan organic garden juxtaposed within a few blocks of BodegaLand wilted fruit, shrunken veggies, seven churches on one block, artery clogging foods, liquor stores, Loosies, shopping cart pushing poverty stricken poor beings hustling up another meal from the local food pantries.  The B25 Bus will take you to all worlds in one short ride.

homeless_women_with_cat

Bumble Bee Buzz Razor sharp concepts ideas, plans, exciting, off the chain, rose scented thorns up your crazy cool a$$ fantasy, all the way live, drama, Elegance, earthy, witty, Wow! The Borough of Kings filled with Queens. City of Dreams. Poems and Schemes. Living the Grind to expand my mind. Peace out!!!!!!!!!

homeless-with-dog-2

 

Brooklyn Evening Downstream Rush

Brooklyn ~ Land of Drama and Dreamers, Hipsters, Hucksters and Healers, Shirkers and Workers……

 

Amidst the filth, dirt and refuse he sits. Sleeping dog by his side.  I stopped. I had to stop for my Guardian Angel bid me pause.

As I got closer I realized underneath the grit and grime of Broadway Junction, the light deprived space next to a ramshackle breakfast, bagel, Danish, egg sandwich cart was a white man possibly in his 30s or early 40s.  Unwashed tousled hair steady gaze. Hoping. Wishing. Praying that passersby will stop, recognize him a human in distress only needing a few dollars which more than likely will be used to buy dog food for faithful canine companion and maybe whatever the food cart was not able to sell during the day.

In him I see me. I was almost there. Paid my rent. Nothing left to buy food for either myself or my two feline friends. I prayed and my Guardian Angel caused the local junkies to drop $9.00 on my doorstep.  Nine whole dollars which went to Fancy Feast for my beloved cats who love me down and out, rich or poor, in sickness and in health.

Homeless with Catster

Was this man who sits peacefully and patiently once a King, an Emperor, and a contender for something greater than a Brooklyn street? Today he is a homeless man his only companion his faithful dog who arose in friendly anticipation of monetary dispensation.  Only $2.00. That’s all I could give him today. Wish I could have given more. He generously thanked me. I saw his heart through his eyes.

Homeless with Doggie

Maybe once he was a Warrior, now beset by the slings and arrows of outrageous misfortune.  Did Desert Storm take the wind out of his sails? Who or what abandoned him to this desolation of watching teeming hordes of semi-purposeful beings trod the garbage strewn path to catch departing buses and subway trains to who knows where? In another life was his ever present Prince Valiant Pup a trusty steed in King Arthur’s court?  Did he reign over the Knights of the Round-table? How came he to this ignoble end, yet still maintain a semblance of dignity?

 

 

 

I’ll Cry Tomorrow


The Struggle of the Two Natures in Man George Grey Barnard (American, Bellefonte, Pennsylvania 1863–1938 New York)
The Struggle of the Two Natures in Man
George Grey Barnard (American, Bellefonte, Pennsylvania 1863–1938 New York)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Struggle of the Two Natures in Man

George Grey Barnard (American, Bellefonte, Pennsylvania 1863–1938 New York)

We all face this struggle of good and evil within ourselves whether we acknowledge it or not. Refusal does not mean it ceases to exist rather it hides like a caged angry animal ready to leap out and cause destruction at the least provocation.  The dual natures is an ever present battleground existing within our various selves.  We are in one body a mixture of the sacred and the profane. We seek sanctuary from the island of lost souls populated but shades, ghosts of formerly flesh, blood and bone humans.  We bear the stigmata and battle scars of imploding internal battlefields.  Redemption and refuge will only be found by acknowledging our weakest points, applying salve and seeking greener pathways. Lest we fall into the rabbit hole. Drowning in quicksands of pride and stubbornness.  Our decisions. Our choices.  Help is available if we clasp the outstretched hand.

As the Apostle Paul states in “Romans 7:15-20

New International Version (NIV)

15 I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16 And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. 17 As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 18 For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature.[a] For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19 For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. 20 Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.”

 

I’ll Cry Tomorrow

 

Self-Trust, Inner Guide, the Knowing Voice Within, Strong Internal Core, Ignoring the Experts; These appear to be the latest Buzzwords in the ever present Self-Help craze that has been going on since the 1970s.

Well I beg to differ.  I know I’m about to stir up a Hornet’s Nest but that’s what writers do, create controversy, ignite debate and hopefully make readers think.  Much to the consternation of the New Age Gurus yes there are wrong choices and bad decisions.

I’ve learned to run major  decisions by  trusted friends and professionals.  Got tired of making bad decisions which  backfired on me.  You need a few good friends as sounding boards because most of us cannot be objective regarding our problems, thus wrong choices.  You need someone or several somebodies to hold you accountable, slap you upside the head and say, “Get with the Program before you Kill Yourself!!”

Friends, ministers, pastors, some co-workers and close family can give objective advice.  Sometimes we are way too caught up in our emotions to make correct  or wise choices.  That guy may be so in love with yet who is violent and abusive is the wrong man.  Time to  take off the Romantic Blinders and see him as others view him. A violent, abusive, evil tempered jerk.  Poor financial choices.  Buying a home, car or some other big ticket item could be a very bad choice if you don’t have enough income to cover the outgo.

People have lost homes, jobs, their families and even their lives behind bad choices.  The lesson is learned too late for correction.  It’s like being a little bit pregnant.  No such thing.  As humans we are influenced by our fickle emotions, family backgrounds, how we were raised, and society’s expectations.  We can’t see the forest for the trees.

For years I was a prescription drug addict.  Though the doctors who liberally dispersed the pills are somewhat to blame the lion’s share of the blame is on me because I made the choice  to  keep taking them nearly to the point of death.  Now that I’m in my mid-50s  and living a cleaner life, yes my “Internal Core” has improved but it is still not as strong as it should be.  Also I still must live with the consequences of  previous dumb stupid decisions.   Yes I’ve lived through being evicted from my apartment in Queens, been in and out of various   hospital emergency  rooms, I have a terrible credit rating, plus certain health issues that I’ll be battling the rest of my life.  My Inner Guide was a damn fool and an idiot.  No I should have gotten professional help.  I put my trust in people who I thought loved me and who I assumed would help me.  I made choices out of fear and poor health and an addled mind.  Finally after seven years of struggle I’m beginning to see daylight.  I know my limitations.

I also know that at any point I could backslide but I believe I’ve finally reached the point where I no longer want to live in the Valley.  I want a Mountaintop experience.   Trust me when I say this wisdom  and insight I now possess has only come with fighting depression, fear, panic attacks, and anxieties.  Once you hit bottom and you’re tired of living there you’ll find a way to go up.  I learned to stop make excuses for my bad behavior, stand up for my rights as a middle-aged Black Woman living in a racist, sexist, ageist society, stopped dating men who don’t respect me, my dreams or goals and who really mean me no good, junked all the pills except for my high blood pressure medication, eat right, exercise and renew my faith.  I’m now an active member of the New York Shinnyo-en Buddhist community.  Through Buddhism I’ve become a stronger Christian.  Truly I’ve begun to understand what it means to work out your Soul’s Salvation.  The means of escape you seek is only a delusion. Life is meant to be faced head on.  This life is only yours to live.  No one can live it for you.  Now I’m on a better pathway because I have a clearer more focused mind.  I still have some setbacks but my life has improved 95% in the last two years.   

Moving Forward.

Please check out the link for a Bio on the actress Susan Hayward star of the movie I’ll Cry Tomorrow.  Susan Hayward a BadAss Brooklyn Beauty who even with her cracks, fissures and faults didn’t take shit from anybody.  Susan Hayward’s story resonates with me.  We are both Fiery, Hotheaded Strong Willed Redheads.   Hers was natural.  Mine is from a bottle.  I Love actresses from the 30s, 40s, and 50s because they overcame so much and were some of the best actresses ever to grace the stage and films.  Exotic Beauty, Fame and fortune do not always bring happiness, sometimes just a new set of demons to conquer.  Ms. Hayward’s pain made her a better actress because she approached each role from her gut.  My pain has made me a better writer.  Like her there were times when I did not want to live.  I wanted to leave this earth because the pain was too great to bear, yet God sent someone my way to save me and make me realize the foolishness of my actions.

I suffer no fools and I pull no punches.  Shipwrecked. Lost.  Perhaps. But learning to rely on G.P.S. ~ God’s Positioning System. Shattered Portraits, we picked up the shards, put them in the kiln  to create an entire new piece of pottery changed but not consumed by fire.

Like her I struggled with substance abuse.  Mine was prescription meds, hers alcohol.  Like her I’ve had many failed romances.  But through it all we Strong No Nonsense Women prevail, persevere and triumph over defeat.    As the title of Susan Hayward’s movie states, “I’ll Cry Tomorrow.”

Ready for my Second Act.

 

  http://youtu.be/jh_Q9BOVUyo

 

Broadway Junction – District 33 — Brooklyn, NY


Broadway Junction – Brooklyn, NY

Perp walks from the street to District 33

Juxtaposed with

Jehovah Witnesses, Nation of Islam hawking the Final Call, and street preachers screaming damnation, condemning distant riders to hell.

Buddhist monk gliding up the escalator ascending to the J or L trains.

Angels Falling
Angels Falling