I’m Still Here


I’m Still Here…………

http://youtu.be/BbhEo-4_ETc

Mable Elizabeth Palmer
Mable Elizabeth Palmer

Today I am 55 years old.  It is a Blessing to be this age.  I have depression, anxiety and panic attacks. I’m also a domestic violence and sexual abuse survivor.  I’m the person sitting next to you on the bus, subway, at work and in church. No I don’t want pity just acceptance. Recently I had a conversation on my Facebook page regarding mental illness. It was good sharing with my FB buddy who works in the mental illness field about the obstacles and hurdles faced not only by the mentally ill but their families.  The government just seems to put more roadblocks in our way so we wind up taking many detours towards a place called Wellness.   My mother Mable Elizabeth Palmer lived most of adult life as a functioning schizophrenic. There is a serious lack of support services for the mentally ill thus we read of all these horror stories in the newspapers but for the most part many mentally ill folks carry on with their daily lives.  Despite all that I’ve been through as a child and again as an adult I’m happy to be alive.

Sometimes when I tell my story people who have these “happy lives” meaning a satisfying long term marriage, house in New Burbia, kids, grand-kids, successful careers feel sorry for me, pity or think I’m a walking tragedy living a substandard life. Not true!  I live in full life in spite of my numerous desert and valley experiences.  Perhaps an even fuller more substantive life than those who eat from silver platters.  Mine is not a half-life of only the sunny side of the street but a full life that includes the alleys, back-roads, ghettos, and dimly lit streets populated with voices yearning to be head.  I like it that way.

Nothing to be sorry about. Despite all the things my parents went through, especially my Mom’s battles with her demons, she was also an alcoholic, overall I had a good childhood. We have a choice to dwell on the sad past or the fond happy times of the past. I think about the good things.  The fun stuff our family did when I was growing up. Of course now being an adult I have a different perspective. I was not so accepting myself when I was younger but age, maturity, experience and time changed my viewpoints.

It’s the government and people’s approach to mental illness that needs to be healed. It should not be a stigma. I readily admit to my struggles with depression, anxiety and panic attacks. That’s my life. It is not a tragedy.The tragedy is other peoples reactions and perceptions of mental illness. My Mom was a good wife and mother. I served my country in the Army, earned my BA in English, held down jobs all my life, went to church, now a full participant in Shinnyo-en Buddhism etc… It would be good if people with mental illness were more accepted. If there was more help for those of us suffering. If people would stop trying to impose their expectations on me of what happiness means. Everybody has a past. Everyone has a story. Life goes on. I’m just happy to be alive.  Pitiful prayers, slapping oil on my head, telling me the latest New Age positive thinking strategy 12 Steps to Happiness, and sad sack face looks going tsk, tsk, tsk are an insult to my intelligence as a human being.  It is what it is. Raw, exposed and uncut.

I have health insurance so I do have the option of returning to those mind-numbing anti-depressant drugs I took after my mother’s death but I choose not too.  I choose the full gamut and range of my emotions and feelings as opposed to being a drug induced zombie.  During the high points in life I love my odd slightly off center sense of humor. The times when I’m at my lowest are the times when I’m most creative.  I’m a better writer, a better photographer because I know what it is like to live life in the margins, the outskirts of society, to be a misfit and an outcast.  I’m drawn to people living alternative lives.  That’s why I love Street Photography.  I don’t want what’s staged, posed or set-up. I want real. The nitty gritty. The down and dirty. The quirky and unusual.  If life was meant to be perfect happiness or total sadness the books of Job and the Song of Solomon would not be in the Holy Bible.

What would the world look like if gave a helping hand to the Mentally Ill by supporting organizations like NAMI, prosecuting men who abuse their wives and girlfriends and pulling the collars off ministers who are rapists.  What if we weren’t treated like modern day lepers?  Instead of further victimizing people living with mental illness write to your Congresspersons and Senators to create laws that will enable us to receive the treatment and support systems we so desperately need.

No I don’t need to be “healed” but our society does.

Me in 1961
1961- A Very Good Year

A Caring Christmas ~ Help a Hungry Neighbor


Sisterhood of the World Bloggers Award!!
Sisterhood of the World Bloggers Award!!

I don’t participate in Black Friday or any of these buying sprees but God gave me a way to challenge this mindset and help my neighbors at the same time. This morning as I was doing my laundry I was very upset to hear that the Police had to get involved because yet another customer was nearly trampled and beaten at Walmart in New Jersey over a Flat Screen TV!! Outrageous!! Also Walmart workers barely earn a living wage while the Founders live the lives of Kings, Queens, Princes & Emperors.

Earlier this Saturday I was shopping at one of my local grocery stores. As I got on the line  there was an elderly woman in front of me carefully counting out her few dollars and change trying to pay for her groceries. She did not have enough money. Right then and there I decided to pay the difference. The clerk and the woman were in shock. My contribution was only $2 bucks but hopefully I made a positive difference in this senior’s life. She was grateful. As I turned to give her some extra change, she had disappeared. My heart is filled with joy being able to help a senior citizen in need. If you follow the news you know the budget for SNAP aka Food Stamps has been cut. This means the poor, disabled and elderly are getting less food stamps and going hungry. This should not be! I live in one of the poorest neighborhoods in New York, Brownsville/Bed-Stuy.

THIS IS MY CHALLENGE TO ALL WHO WISH TO PARTICIPATE FOR THE NEXT 60 DAYS.  PAY FOR AN ELDER’S OR DISABLED PERSON’S GROCERIES AT YOUR LOCAL STORE AND/OR PLEASE CONTRIBUTE TO HELP HOMELESS PEOPLE & PETS!  THANK YOU.

Sisterhood of the World Bloggers Award
Sisterhood of the World Bloggers Award

In the spirit of spreading Love, Joy and Understanding I want to Nominate a Woman who embodies Faith, Love, Caring and Compassion, Ms. Catherine Townsend-Lyon for the Sisterhood of World Bloggers Award.

Please read Catherine’s highly relevant post on the evils and greed of Black Friday.  http://catherinelyonaddictedtodimes.wordpress.com/2013/11/29/black-friday-brings-out-the-evil-in-others-so-why-bother/

 

http://catherinelyonaddictedtodimes.wordpress.com