After You’ve Done All You Can Just Stand

Stand By Donnie McClurkin

Put in a call to AHRC New York City, got on their wait list and they will be mailing me out a list of Guardianship Lawyers. The woman answering my call said the wait is usually one to two years. Now that I think that through by the time I actually get a lawyer I’ll be retired!! Somehow this is a cosmic joke and Stephen and I are the punch lines. Ugh!!

In order to remain calm and somewhat stable I’ve been doing lots of praying. I’ve always been a woman of prayer but these last few months in fact since the end of 2014 I’ve been under extreme stress. Finally I’ve begun to fall back on my Baptist upbringing and put all my cares, fears, faults and failures in Jesus hands. Basically As far as my brother Stephen and I are concerned everything is in God’s hands now. I have exhausted all my options and sometimes it seems it’s never enough. I’m never enough. Not good enough. Not smart enough. Lots of shame and guilt. Many times tired and burnt out but still struggling because Stephen is relying on me.

So Lord Jesus I commit my troubled life to you. Let God’s Will be done in our lives. For only God sees the tears I cry at night, is with me through sleepless nights and by my side while I fake smile during the day at work all the while broken inside.

People who are atheists and/or non-believers probably laugh and joke about people like me. People of Faith but let me tell you something when you’ve back is against the wall, Mom and Dad are gone, no husband or boyfriend, friends and family have long left you behind that’s where your Faith comes in otherwise I’d go crazy. Truly Jesus is my only friend. The only one on whom I can rely. Jesus is there in the midnight hour when there is no one else who cares or will listen. One day I will find out why, my purpose and what this struggle all means but as for now I put my hand in his hand.

Ocean – Put Your Hand In The Hand (1971 – HQ) (Original Live Audio)

16 thoughts on “After You’ve Done All You Can Just Stand

    1. I have to admit that I was so frustrated and upset I cried. Stephen is the innocent party in all this mess. Why can’t the path just be made clear for developmentally disabled folks. Why must I fight to get laws changed, employers to co-operate and pay lawyers out of pocket when I can barely afford to keep a roof over my head? For me the battle and struggle seem to be neverending.

      1. Well perhaps their is a bigger goal here that you are not seeing. Your statement “Why can’t the path be made clear for developmentaly disabled folks” Struck me. Perhaps you should think bigger than your well loved brother and work to create a system for all like him. Go to the papers and tell your story, get the word out and maybe the help you need will find you. Start an organization!

      2. We were already featured in the New York times back in May.
        As for creating an organization I work 12 hour days sometimes six days a week just so I can support myself. Can’t recreate the wheel.
        Must depend on what’s currently available.

  1. You are an amazing sister. God hears your cries and knows your struggles. Ask that HIS will be done. Claim the victory in your and Stephen’s lives, which he has promised. I may have some helpful info for you. I will reach out to you this week.

  2. This is so sad. I feel for you. What you are doing now is actually probably what will sort things out for you. At some point, you just have to take that leap of faith and believe that whatever happens, it happens for the highest good of all. If you do choose, however, that Stephen must be with you regardless, then focus all of your thoughts on this as if it were something that already happened. When you focus those thoughts, you also need to lock them in with some phrase that makes sense to you and that builds the connection to that intent such as “Already with me, Stephen”. Every time you think of your brother, you should envision him within the Framework that you hope for and repeat that phrase, feeling right from the Heart that it is true. Don’t just think of it from the mind but feel it within your Heart, that it has happened and continue repeating that everyday. Do not feel sad, do not waste time in tears and feeling broken but just concentrate on the feeling of Great love and gratitude that you will start developing from the heart Knowledge that this will be. Many blessings and a lot of solace to your Heart and Mind. Keep well and Already with Stephen

      1. I have called every agency, organization and nonprofit in the City of New York. I have met and spoken with my Congressman, my Union Reps, etc…. So far nothing. After numerous sleepless nights filled with worry and anxiety it’s time for me to face realty to face facts and get off the Merry Go Round. As 2015 comes to a close I will prepare for the Holidays and make the most of those with Stephen. All my other efforts have been in vain.

Comments are closed.