Rats with Attitude

Saturday Night on my way home from work approximately 9:45 pm.

Finally caught my breath and my heart rate has returned to normal. While I was exiting the subway station nearly had a panic attack because two giant rats bigger than my cat Sylvester were sauntering along the platform as though they owned it. Now I’m not an easily frightened person but rats scare the shit out of me and these rats took their time walking along with the other riders exiting the station. Finally the gentleman in front of me stomped his feet to get them to move faster. Once he did that the rats moved along and I ran to the exit door. I commented to the gentleman that I need my cat and he said Miss even a cat would mess with rats that size. Shit! I need one of those damn raptors or other dinosaurs from Jurassic World!  New York rats must be freaking hybrids and they have no fear of humans!  Bad enough you never know what human kook or nut-job will be riding the train with you now gotta deal with damn rats on the platform.


The rats made me forget all about my arthritis. That fear in the pit of my stomach gave me a burst of energy and the limbs of my 18 year old self! LOL!! However I can do without creepy creature shocks.  I prefer that the insects (gigantic cockroaches and water-bugs) and mammals not ride the trains or walk along beside me on the platforms. All I could think is if those rejects from Chucky Cheese bite me I’ll be getting rabies shots for a month.

Years ago while I was in the Army I went TDY (Temporary Duty) to Ft. Polk or as we like to call it Ft. Puke, LA. Being a city girl I had little experience with wildlife. I remember being in the barracks and asking another woman why birds were flying around at night and so near our windows. She said those aren’t birds those are bats. Needless to say I was terrified thinking they were vampire bats out to get me! Made sure the windows were shut tight despite the heat. Louisiana also has a variety of scorpions, snakes, vipers, mosquitoes the size of helicopters and whatever else the Field Artillery guys had the nerve to bring back from the field. So I won’t be retiring to LA either! Too many scary critters.

The rats are farebeaters. They have not paid their $2.75 fare and even if they did since they are nothing but disease carrying vermin they should be exterminated.  It’s one thing observing them running to and fro along the tracks, (those grey bastards are too smart for their own good because they always manage to avoid the electrified third rail), but it’s a whole ‘nother story to have them marching along beside you as though they too were returning home from work, school or church.

Given last Saturday’s rodent encounter I’m seriously considering getting off at a different subway stop a little further from my home but has more human activity, police and is somewhat cleaner than my station.  Ugh!!

Some of you old enough will remember this song from the movie Ben (1972) and the follow up film Williard. https://youtu.be/h0eKPBvyk_4

Charlie Brown Rats
Charlie Brown Rats

Troglodyte Incursion



Troglodyte Incursion

Enter the great unwashed masses. Sprinting greedy effigies racing past eons of art, music, and literature oblivious to beauty serenading a few keen chosen listeners. Rampaging ill-mannered thoughtless grotesques concerned with filling swollen bellies with endless Pablum unable to digest nutrient rich low hanging fruit readily displayed within the garden.

Plodding, pushing and heaving along like a sea of hairy troglodytes with cameras suspended from no neck bodies. Vermin with whose wallets and purses are ready ATMs doling out money for designer duds and Apple technologies.  Lipsticked hydras crashing colliding corridors rampaging through the galleries like so many porcelain shop bulls.



Sentinels posted to hold bay destructive stretched out grasping talons.  Buy! Buy! Buy! Said the Barker to the throng who willingly sell the souls to the highest bidder. Comical costumed gargoyles begging for Fashion Police disciplinary action.

Pungent Yeti-Sasquatch body odors invading my space. Breath like fire lit manure emanating from their unbrushed oral cavities. Their joint cavernous maws eating, chewing spitting belching pollution into once refined atmospheres.  Mischievous imps on hunting expeditions looking to capture but never to absorb. Cramming for ungiven exams thereby failing all cultural and social graces. Not once pausing to study only to add to collections trapped in snapshot memories bound for jealous friends and relatives who failed to make the pilgrimage.

Yes tomorrow returns of the holidaymakers who desecrate the House of Learning.