Warning: For those of you who have been raped, went through Domestic Violence, sodomized or sexually assaulted Please Do Not Read this Post as it most likely continues Triggers. I have survived all those events but to this day I still experience sights, smells, words that set me off in the wrong direction.
Swords, needles, Lance, shattered glass, Knaves with Knives pierced my heart. For the one who pinned me to the wall with gnashing fanged teeth. They made me bleed but my life essence flowed into the ground and back up through and into my feet roots.
Many times I feel I’ve been banished to the Island of Misfit toys. Long ago in a far away land I was embedded in the fog, haze and mist of various “Happy Pills.” But I escaped. They tried to recapture me last year but once again the Warrior in me arose and I beat down my foes and thus a better life was reborn.
They tell me to forgive you. As though I were at fault.
They tell me that unless I forgive you burning coals will singe my soul. Forgiveness is for me. It will help heal my soul.
Yet I feel nothing. No pressure to forgive. No reason to forgive. No need to forgive. No guilt or shame. Because I feel nothing. Nothing for him. Nothing for all the hims that brutally attacked me. Why?! Because you, him, All the Hims have been banished, dismissed.
Those hims taught me how. Especially the one who raped me. The one who now wears the backward collar. Who leads unsuspecting congregations in Praise & Worship. Church. How convenient. The perfect place to find more victims. Women. Some willing. Carried along by a sacred oratory little knowing the ugly demon that lurks within. But I know. You come as an Angel of Light but I know who you really are. Hell is reserved for the devil and his angels. Your place in Hades awaits you.
The Persuaders – Thin Line between Love & Hate – Video (High Quality)
My heart has gone prehistoric stone implements. Flint knives now glisten in my eyes. How not to feel. How to dismiss who no longer is necessary yet keep the lessons for the future. How to dispatch with a cold ease. Victory!
I’M STILL HERE!!
To awaken a side of me that can put my abusers into compartments. Jails. I will never forget what they did. How they changed my life. Little did they know how my life has changed for the better. I don’t need to forgive for I am not at fault. And they. They shall receive due judgment from the Creator of All Life and I. I will sit back and smile.
My Salvation, Forgiveness and Redemption Belong Only to Me!
Completed the Veteran’s Administration Online form to apply for health care. Hopefully they should get back to me in about two weeks. Once the VA gets back to me then I’ll set up an appointment not just for medical care but to avail myself of any other services and programs they VA has for Women Veterans. I served my country now it is time for my country to lend me a helping hand.
In the Meantime I’m……..
Dreaming Down a Well
I’m Dreaming Down a Well. Looking into the Abyss wondering how to fetch my dreams and save them from imminent disaster. I can see them. Arms stretched out waiting for me to throw Life Preservers. Life Jackets. A Net. Anything they can grab onto for salvation from a watery grave.
A Bucket. Damaged. A Rope. Now Long Since Frayed. Worn from constant use.
Send in the Buffalo Soldiers! Call forth the Avenging Angels of Mercy!
No Regrets? Yes I regret. A Youth Long Gone. Relegated to Ancient Myst’s.
Double V for Victory. Victory at Overseas. Victory at Home.
Star-seed buried in the sand awaits fertile ground. Resurrection. Regeneration. New Birth.
Nailiah nuzzled the earth like a hungry lamb or goat bleating out hunger cries in search for a Merciful Mother. Searching out the Allegorical Lessons of the Cave.
I bid the powers of the Luxurious Fox for release and redemption. Banished from Exile.
Out of Sync.
Scraping my scabby putrefying boils with pottery shards. Rocking the earth with wailing prayers. When I shed my old skin will that be my freedom?
The rich spit upon the poor
telling them it is nectar from the gods.
Downtrodden souls gather at the feast
waiting for crumbs that are snatched away
from their outstretched hands mid-grasp.
Turned away from the billionaire festival
we can only gaze with hungry eyes
and swollen bellies
never to know paradise
until gathered to Abraham’s bosom.
American where is my traveling train? Darkness enters dawn diminishing shadows play havoc with sun, moon, and stars. Tuning Forks humming. When will I see my Rosie again? Overseer rifle gun trained on me.
Southern Prison Blues Rosie Chain Gang Blues YouTube
Steamer Trunk moth riddled clothes. Ashes scattered into the Ganges. Speckled Watchmen screaming swing that pick boy. Keep that rhythm. Berta, Berta every day is Monday. I’ve fallen into a dark place with no sight of myself. Cleansing Monsoon wash me into dank sinister funeral sands.
When that sun goes down then I escape in mind if not in body. In my dreams I see her beside me. A voice keeps calling me. Is it my honey sweet baby or an Angel fit to carry me home? Death Angel. Death Angel, holding the reapers sword.