An Open Letter to a Sister in Marital Distress
Keyshia Cole – I Remember
The First Person to Forgive is You.
We are sisters separated by continents but united in our hearts.
You have been on my heart all weekend. I hate to see you sad and upset. I believe with all my heart and soul that you did your best in your marriage and with your child.
Sometimes when spouses are at odds with each other one person manipulates the other through the child. As much as you Love your husband and knowing you have been faithful and loyal to him for 30+ years he has not held up his end of the bargain. The contract is now null and void.
Despite his supposed mental illness and having had a minor stroke he still has the ability to take care of his personal business, his mother and your son. I don’t like saying this but I firmly believe he poisoned your son’s mind against you. That is calculated, thought out and planned. The cruel painful things he says to you, the way he neglects you yet expects you to obey his every wish and desire is evil.
It has gotten to the point where you feel shame and guilt when you should not. After all you did the best you could. You lay yourself on the marriage altar sacrificing your name, homeland, family, faith to unite with him in marriage. Obviously his reasons for getting married were not the same as yours.
Yes there were mistakes but we are all human and no relationship is without errors. But true Love overlooks mistakes and sees the good in the person. As you already know he no longer loves you. No man would treat a woman he is married to that way. He must take responsibility for his actions. Marriage is a partnership not a master/slave thing.
It’s time for you to shine. I know that it is difficult to let go of any relationship that you have invested time and effort but if he is not willing to support you or care for you then it is time for him to hit the road. It is like you are carrying dead weight and you should not have to do that. Why continue to punish yourself? Why live with self-doubt. You have made time for everyone else in this world now it is time to take care of you and your needs. The only other people in this world that you should devote yourself to are your parents. Stop giving your husband permission to hurt you emotionally and psychologically.
I’ve walked down a similar road with a 7 year common-law marriage to an abusive man. As much as it hurt the day he left me was probably the best day of my life and the beginning of focusing on me, myself & I and of course my brother Stephen.
I stepped out on faith and have not looked back but to bless the day I began to regain my sanity and sense of self. The relationship ended in 2007 but the hurt and pain went on for a while but with God’s help I made it through. Last year 2014 was the first time I felt free inside from the ugly way he made me feel about myself. You too can be free but you must be willing to take that first difficult step but trust I will be right there with you. I am a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on. You can make it. We can make it.
From a Woman who has been there and back.