A Buster Brown Diary
When I was a kid maybe 7 or 8 I lost one of my saddle shoes on purpose. After getting off the school bus I kicked one shoe off onto the curb. Flung high in
to the air down it came with a resounding kerplop into the gutter. For all I cared Buster Brown’s dog Tige could eat it!
Hated those saddle shoes. Came home with one shoe. Can’t remember what I told my parents but they took me back to Buster Brown and bought me a new pair of shoes.
The Reluctant Shoe by DeBorah Ann Palmer
Running up the stairs my shoe came off and kept running until I caught up to it on the second landing. Said shoe stuck out its tongue at me in defiance but I wrestled it into a corner forcing it back onto my right foot before it developed a conspiracy with the shoe on my left foot and they both took off for parts unknown.
Thinking I had subdued the warring shoe I jauntily made my way to the Downtown 4 & 5 trains. The ride to 14th Street was uneventful. However after getting on the L train and taking my seat once again another episode of shoe wars. Of their own accord the shoes on my feet began to flail and wail giving me the appearance of one suffering from St.Vitus dance.
Fellow train riders gave me wary side glances and a wide berth which includes a degree of difficulty on a crowded rush hour train. The other passengers weren’t sure if I was about to begin an acrobatic break or pole dance so on the plus side I had my two seater all to myself. Exiting the train at Broadway Junction my shoes did their best to get the better of me by forcing me into an Elaine from Seinfeld thumbs and little kicks performance right on the platform…………and the uprising had begun.
Menage a Trois
Buster Brown, Saddle Shoes, Black Patent Leather Mary Janes
BPLMJ – “Say Hey Saddle Shoe, Where’s your mate?”
SS – “That Saddity 8 year old pig tailed barrette wearing bitch loss mah sista.”
BPLMJ – “Lost your mate?! All she did was go to school! How can you loss one shoe at school?”
SS – “Nah! The lil heifer kicked off my sista as soon as she got off the school bus. Spoiled brat. If she wasn’t “Daddy’s Lil Girl” her Momma sho nuff would have given hur a whooping!”
BPLMJ – “What are you talking about? What do you mean she just kicked off one shoe on the way home and what does her Father have to do with this?”
SS – “Suga Plum Fairy has Daddy wrapped round her lil finger. She hated me and sis from the time we left my pimp Buster Brown. Plotting evil all the way home on how she was gonna git rid of us and git a new pair of shoes. Got home and made up some shit bout being jumped and loss the other shoe running from the other kids. Her Momma actually believed that shit and when Daddy came home both of them made plans to go back to Buster and buy mo. This time her choice. Ain’t that a crock of shit!”
BPLMJ – “You know maybe if you and your sister had not been so low class, common, plain and just down right ugly, the little girl might have taken a liking to you.”
SS – “What shit you talking bout?! What you know anyway with yo shiny, glossy, holier than thou Easter Sunday wearing selves! That brat loves you even before she git to the sto’. Prancing and primping in the mirror every year, like you and she some kinda prize or gift!”
BPLMJ – “As you so aptly pointed out we are a gift. Buster taught us how to make a little girl look feminine, cute and pretty. And girlfriend that little girl is a natural born ham. She knows how to work her Daddy’s heart and that’s why she always gets what she wants. You could take a lesson from that.”
SS – “Just shut the fuck up. Oh shit hur comes Buster with that crazy muthafucking dog. He better not let that four legged bastard chew my ass up. I ain’t got no backup! Fuck!!”
Buster Brown – Ladies. Ladies. Saddle I’ve heard about your laments and have found a home for you with a one legged orphan girl. She’ll love and treasure you. Meantime come on back to the store with me. Got a cobbler friend I want to introduce you to. We’ll let you play with our awls, spruce you up real good.
Buster Brown, Pete the Pup, Mary Jane and Saddle exit.