Book Review:

Bitch is the new black by Helena Andrews

Finally ended my suffering at Chapter 13. How appropriate.

First impressions. Ms. Andrews is crazy. Her stream of consciousness writing is akin to reading prose from a demented Valley Girl on a bad LSD trip.

The fact that she writes in some kind of secret code language for Black women in her age group or social strata was off-putting to say the least. I do like the fact that the chapters are presented as vignettes of her life story or rather life problems but that’s where it all ends for me.

Ms. Andrews book contains too many weird acronyms that my old fogey butt will never figure out, nor do I wish to do so. She would have done better to leave out the texts, twitters and tweets and just use plain English.

The only two things in the book I could really relate to were her experience with “the boss from hell” which we’ve all had and when she had an abortion at age 19.

She seems to blame or at least relate a good portion of her relationship problems to the fact that her mother is a lesbian and a bad parent.  She never seems to focus on the educational privileges she had as a child or relate her failed relationships to her nutty behavior and her inability to take responsibility for her own bad decisions. We could all play the dysfunctional family card. My mother was a functional schizophrenic but any failed relationships I had after the age of 18 were my own fault, not hers. After all once you are an adult you need to take ownership of your life and not blame your parents, childhood or external circumstances.

Part of Ms. Andrews problem is that she seems to be ruled by her hormones. Must you sleep with or arrange booty calls/texts with guys who you know don’t give a rat’s ass about you, your feelings and are poor candidates for marriage! Stop having sex! Get to know the guy first.  Being celibate won’t kill you and in the long run it will force you to be accountable for your actions.

Yes I love sex but I can wait for the right man.

Just because a guy makes your panties wet does not mean he will make a good life partner.

Sex partner perhaps, but not a life partner. 

Helena Andrews needs to sit down for a counseling session with Steve Harvey and watch documentaries on love, sex and relationships that are readily available on Netflix.

I have to admit I’m not a religious person nor am I one of those right-wing, Bible thumping Christians, but I do believe in God.

I’ve had several spiritual crisis but I always come back to God. I have to admit my parents were for the most part secular or what the church calls carnal Christians. However they did have a moral base and fairly conservative values which they transmitted to my brother and me.

Unlike Mom & Dad, Stephen and I have chosen to stick with the church but we don’t ram our beliefs down other’s throats nor do we believe that our faith has all the answers.

It does not matter whether you are Christian, Hindu, Buddhist, Muslim, etc..

But at least have faith in something greater than yourself.

Ms. Andrews purports or tries to position herself as an elitist making all these black bourgie statements and liaisons, however her mask cracks time and time again with each failure or challenge in her young life.

She is so cynical that her satirical style reveals a deep self-hatred.

 She is desperately in need of some spiritual guidance.  She seems to have little value or worth for herself as a woman or even as a human. Ms. Andrews also needs to try getting some new friends. As the expression goes, “If you lay down with dogs, you’ll get up with fleas!”